To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

[KittyPerry77]

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

YabVu

Sadly there are far too many children out there for whom removing this current law wouldn't just be awkward but actively dangerous - and they need protected more than the children from good families who take an interest and talk openly with them.

The pill as has been pointed out isn't just used for contraception but for a variety of other conditions too. But I'm certainly aware of parents in real life who because it's a contraceptive would object to their dds taking it for ANY reason.

I also know parents who stupidly think NOT talking about Sex and contraception, inc withdrawing their child from sex ed in school will stop their child from becoming sexually active when the reverse has been true and I know of cases where the dd has subsequently become pregnant at very young ages and/or having to deal with sti's - it's a ridiculous stance to take!

If you're concerned about your child that is your issue and down to your parenting.

I've a 17 yr old almost 18 who I've always been open with and we've discussed reproduction, sex, contraception, consent, sti's etc since she was quite young.

She's always been honest with me in a way that shocks/surprises both of our friends & family. But it's meant she's been able to come to me whenever she's had any concerns or wants advice.

She's had a pregnancy scare (though really she had no reason to worry she got herself in a tizz as she's always had regular periods and on one occasion it was a few days late. I believe it was because she was coming down with a stomach upset at the time and it threw her system off on this occasion.

Mainly it's been emotional concerns (she's unfortunately prone to falling for guys who aren't the best at relationships for various reasons. Likes the aloof types) but she seems to be coming out the other side of that thankfully.

She has a friend who's parents wouldn't discuss sex etc and withdrew her from sex ed at school, weirdly (though I'm learning this makes sense in an odd way apparently) this girl is from a long line of very young mothers!) it's sheer luck + contraception/sex ed info being widely available elsewhere that she's not ended up following her families tradition of becoming mothers before age 16! Personally I think her parents are idiots!

The one time discussions with dd got a bit fraught was when a girl she never got along with got pregnant at 13. Dd was unpleasant in her comments on this and I pulled her right up on it saying she needs to not comment as she doesn't know the circumstances and it's not for her to judge.

I knew the girl concerned too via dd (they started out as friends) and wasn't keen on her but had a gut feeling something was off in the family. Turns out the father was the girls stepfather and he's now in the jail for it. For girls like that it's important they DO have access to contraception without parents being made aware. Though of course what would be preferable is the girl being able to seek help to get the abuse stopped or even better it not bloody happening in the first place! (This girl had actually told people but because she was "wild" and a "troublemaker" wasn't believed. Hugely sad and awful situation all round).

So yes yabvu and need to consider the impact not just on your child.

I don't really understand not teaching your daughter about contraception etc, why wouldn't you? We teach them how to be safe in all other aspects of life, an awkward discussion is better than having a baby at 13 or an abortion. I couldn't care less who they choose to be with etc that wouldn't factor in, only being safe which is so important. Part of teaching them is giving them relavent healthcare info so they can enquire themselves, talk to a professional, etc it doesn't have to be with a parent no but it should be common knowledge. It's 2018 surely this is normal?

Im a bit confused about it all though. For instance, doesn't a parent have to sign if child needs medical attention(operation). Where is the line drawn at the moment? Is there a line drawn (I have no idea).

Pretty universal that you're wrong there, OP.

Bye now

And I'm sorry but if you're not old enough to talk about it you're certainly not old enough to be doing it!

But this means young people can talk about it, maybe when they can’t talk to anyone else.

Ridiculous. I have two daughters and they are both on the pill. One is sexually active, one isn't. I know they are on the pill, I took them to the doc and sat there while it was prescribed for them BECAUSE THEY ASKED ME TO BE THERE.

If they hadn't wanted me there, I wouldn't have been there. I'd rather they were not suffering from horrific periods (as they both were at the time the pill was first prescribed, and as did I at the same age) and on the pill than having to go through what I did because of my mother and father's "religious beliefs".

Away and ge yer heid a wobble OP.

Coyoacan I agree with this:

"My worry that we aren't teaching our children to be extremely cautious with medicines and how to risk assess"

As Terrible says so many women who have taken the pill themselves don't realise some of the risks - it is often prescribed without them being explained, and the mental health impact it can have on a worryingly not especially small minority is absolutely ignored by some health care practitioners. More easily quantified physical risk factors are also only known to those identified as high risk, not more generally. A lot of men don't know the pill has any side effects at all, ever.

No problem Terrible it would have been fine either way.

The not all parents are good parents/ not all teens want to talk to their parents even if they are ok parents works both ways of course - its a reason Gillick Competence is important but also a reason why saying "talk to your children, build a good relationship so this doesn't happen to yours" isn't enough - it's too "I'm alright Jack". That's why I think sex education (health education, citizenship) should go into the side effects of hormonal contraception and the risks of STDs in far more detail and more often - things teens only hear once often don't sink i, kids are off sick etc. We need to think about other people's kids as well as our own.

All children need to be educated about the very serious, sometimes life changing, impact medication can have. The concept and recognition of Gillick competence is by and large necessary, but it should come with a far more expensive effort to educate all secondary age children, not just our own, about the massive down sides that go hand in hand with the benefits of medication, with the pros and cons of all forms of contraception (and an emphasis on disease as being as important a consideration as pregnancy).

Children are pressured to have other forms of sex to avoid pregnancy - too much emphasis on avoiding pregnancy means teens who ignore the significant risks involved in anal sex, for example, and believe that they've no good "excuse" not to have that. So it's not just about the pill.

Not that that matters when pontificating on an internet forum really, but oh well!

What happens if a 13 year old needs an abortion? (asking because I don't know, not to stir the pot)

Children can refuse medical operations in the same way as they can be given contraception - if they're judged to be gillick competent then the decision is theirs (my DS refused an op at 15 that I'd rather he had had but it was up to him, he refused, and the doc took it from him)

Thank you Innocent (I had no idea!)

I think people think I'm with op. No! I don't think the service should be removed at all, a lot of children need it. As others have said more eloquently, op should focus more on her and dds ability to be open and talk. Not take away a service for others

I don't know if I had pushed if they would have over-ruled me (the op was suggested but not essential iyswim) - and how I would have "made" a 6ft1 rugby hulk go for surgery I don't know ....

over-ruled him

I think - you know what I mean!

No they would not have over ruled him if he is competent to make that decision.

Instead of getting an email address to complain, act by being (or continuing to be) a supportive parent to your children, letting your dc know you are there for them unconditionally and without judgement. Maybe then they will come to you first if they need help. If your worry is that they would speak to a doctor behind your back, perhaps you should examine why that would be, and work on fixing it?

My mum put me on the pill at 13 years old. The reason being, I was suffering from extremely heavy periods where I had to stay off school as I was flooding horrendously and embarrassed about it. Contraceptives are good for this. They just happen to help prevent pregnancy also....

I had years of horrendous periods involving clots, vomiting, having to change towels and tampons at least every hour and several times over night.

My mother still hit the roof when at 17 I finally got a prescription for the pill.

I'd had pain killers that sent me to sleep, anti emetics, numerous different pills and potions, nothing worked.

Are you my friend? Her mother did this, her GP actually suggested the pill for her terrible periods and awful acne and her Dmum said no she will grow out of it. My friend had a terrible time for 5 years. At 18 she went to the GP without her mum and got the pill.

Her mum said to her, "see I told you you would grow out of it".
Obviously it was the pill that helped her, but her mum didn't know.

My friend said when her Dc were teens if they needed the pill she would take them to the GP and get them help, not leave them to suffer in misery for years.

Consent for older children is complex.

If they are felt to be Fraser competent (the newer term to replace Gillick competence) then treatment goes ahead.

WRT surgery most of the time the parents sign the consent form and the teens countersign.

However if a teen comes without a parent eg. For a termination then their consent is legally ok.

In England & Wales Fraser competent children can legally consent but their refusal of treatment can be overridden by their parents/others with parental responsibility. However doing so is complex and legal advice is advised. Practically speaking treating an older teenager against their will is difficult as an earlier poster commented.

In Scotland the right to refuse treatment cannot be overruled.

www.gmc-uk.org/ethical-guidance/ethical-guidance-for-doctors/0-18-years/making-decisions

Instead of trying to get this changed, make sure that your children can talk to you about anything and everything. Hopefully then they will not need to access contraception at such a young age without your knowledge or at all whilst underage.

There will always be parents who don't have honest and open conversations with their children and therefore there will always be children who need this service in place.

If you don’t like the idea of Gillick competence as follows the eponymous case you need to find some way to get another case tested in court to a different outcome.

You will need deep pockets but may be able to get funding from the more conservative religious community.

Not everyone is on the pill to stop pregnancy. I take it because I went through 12 years of throwing up with pain, often missing days of school and later work, due to dreadful period pains. It was absolutely horrific for about 5 days every month. I had such heavy periods that great clots of blood with come out on the pad and in the toilet. i couldn't use tampons due to the heavy flow and so gave up swimming lessons age 11. I suffered because I thought that was what having periods was like. Eventually it got so bad I went to the Doctor and went on the pill. Wish I'd done it sooner!

as already said your best insurance against your 13 year old child getting the contraceptive pill behind your back is for you to provide them with a safe, stable, loving home where they feel they can confide in you and talk things over with you without you becoming hysterical. Maybe concentrate on that rather than policing other 13 year olds and their doctors.

OP you are being very very very unreasonable

Even with a stable and secure home, sometimes teenagers don't want to speak to their parents about certain issues. That needs to be respected, too. I have teens, can remember being a teen myself and even in middle age, I wouldn't talk to my own mother, with whom I have a wonderful and close relationship, about certain things, nor would she, admitting that when one of her close friends died that she and that friend shared things between each other that they did with no one else and that she, the friend, took to her grave with her. What's not to respect about that? People have all kinds of relationships in life.

I've always been open with my kids, they know the door is open, but that also means it swings both ways. I see my job as giving them tools to hopefully exercise good judgement in such respects, knowing that they, like I, will make mistakes in that at times.

All part of having children and watching them grow up, which is in itself a great privilege.

I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.

To the posters mentioning 17 year olds: I'm talking THIRTEEN here. There's a huge difference - the age of consent being one.

If a 13 year old is being raped then a Dr needs to get the social services and police involved, not just provide her with contraceptives. Surely she should also need the help of her parents here too. If the parents are abusive, then get her the hell out of there.

If a 13 year old is "choosing" to have sex then something's gone wrong somewhere and she needs counselling not just contraceptives. Again, surely parents are the ones who can most help her. You can't say on one hand, "Oh the parents are so abusive, they can't know about her contraceptives" but then just leave here there.

And the posts saying how important open discussion is (not the ones advising me in a way to assuage my fears but the ones implying I'm indoctrinating my kids with flying storks and Eeeeevil Contraceptives): it's the opposite of open for Drs to prescribe medication to a child without telling the parent and also dangerous. My Drs surgery doesn't have someone sitting at reception to answer calls from A&E in the middle of the night about what medication patients are taking.