To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

[KittyPerry77]

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

At the time of the Gillick campaign, I was a midwife and involved in the care of 2 pregnant girls much younger than 16. One was pregnant by her older brother and the other by her father.

Girls like them need to be protected - if they don't have the courage to report the sexual abuse, at the very least they need to know they can be protected against pregnancy.

Victoria Gillick was a woman with no understanding that the rest of the world didn't conform to her cosy middle-class view of how families 'should' be.

Most 13 year olds are not having sex. Of those who do, I suspect most are not mature enough (or in control enough) to make a doctor's appointment and sort contraception. Why would you want to refuse contraception to the few who do? What do you think would happen if this avenue was closed to them (hint: it wont be abstention)?

But some parents would not take their dd's to the doctor for the pill even for heavy periods for multiple reasons including religion and culture. Just because you would doesn't mean everyone has the same beliefs.

OP. I was in an abusive relationship. As an adult, even as an adult, I needed the protection of knowing that I could go to the doctor and access contraception without my partner finding out.

Take that and x a million for children in that situation.

I went on the pill at 14 because I had horrendous periods. I stayed on it until I decided to get pregnant (mid-thirties) with no side effects at all. As it happens, my mother was completely fine with this and came to the doctor with me, but if she hadn't been I would definitely want to have been able to access it myself! This is all relevant because I was able to talk to my mum about periods, but not everyone has a mother they can do that with.

You can't say on one hand, "Oh the parents are so abusive, they can't know about her contraceptives" but then just leave here there.

No-one's suggesting just leaving it there ffs. But do you want to add the trauma of a pregnancy to an abused child's troubles?

Don't forget that the GP may well be the first person the abused 13 year old has told, and aside from protecting them from the immediate danger of pregnancy, also has a duty of care to alert SS if they suspect the girl is being coerced or abused.

On the other hand we could remove her right to see her GP confidentially and she'll never go and no-one will raise the alarm.

Yes scarbados of course they need to be protected. If the 2 pregnant girls hadn't become pregnant would their rapes have come to light? I'm not suggesting it's better that they got pregnant but just asking the question. Were they then removed from their abusive homes?

I haven't said i want them to be refused contraception BarbarianMum. Condoms, for example, are a form of contraception that does not involve any form of medication. I think 13 year olds should not be on any form of medication without the knowledge of their parents.

Don't worry, OP, doctors (and everyone else whose work brings them into contact with children) do have a duty to report Safeguarding concerns, and receive frequent, detailed training on this.

You will note that on the NHS page you linked to, it clearly warns children that confidentiality will be broken if required to keep them safe.

Second, it is about the right of the child to bodily autonomy and confidentiality. If the child is not able to make decisions about care, then consent has to be sought from parents. If the child is able to make their own decisions, then their confidentiality and autonomy are respected.

What age do you think would be appropriate?

I don't know what relevance the needing-pill-for-heavy-periods posts have to my post. I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case

Apart from the posters would have said that quite literally wasn’t the case for them.

You can't say on one hand, "Oh the parents are so abusive, they can't know about her contraceptives" but then just leave here there

So how is removing the chance for her to gain contraception going to help?

You do realise sometimes it's the parents that are abusing the child right?

You think the dad/step dad should have the ability to not consent to the pill for the very child he's abusing.?

Maybe it's better he kicks the baby out if her instead to keep his tracks covered?

If the 2 pregnant girls hadn't become pregnant would their rapes have come to light?

If they'd been able to access contraceptive services their rapes would have stood a better chance of coming to light AND they wouldn't have got pregnant.

I agree with you on paper OP especially because ts not just about contraception. It’s about ANY health issue.

Most teenagers at 13yo will not have the knowledge or the maturity to know what’s best or just plainly to ask the right questions. They are more likely tout accept anything comment/medication/advice from the GP as THE truth regardless or not this is the most appropriate for them.
Informed consent is nearly impossible to (esp as even for adults, most the time informed consent isn’t achieved - no doctor is ever going through all the possible side effects of a medication or what other options are possible or what are the efficacy of a certain medication/treatment).

On the other side, SOME children do (eg the ones who have very complex/chronic/life threatening illnesses) amd SOME children do need access to a GP wo parent knowing about it. This could be contraception but it could also be MH issues, anorexia etc etc

My very big issue here is that they are basically pushing 13yo to take full control of their own health when they are not ready for it (eg when they have to ask for results of blood test and the parent can’t ask for them)

JacquesHammer I guess I feel it's telling her that being raped at 13 is just the hand she's been dealt and she has to man up and do damage limitation rather than sending a clear message that it's not right and she is a victim who needs help.

Part of the prescribvng process would be to ascertain other risks, a Doctor would be duty bound to pass this on. Likewise they would also encourage a 13 yr old who wants to have sex against it or to at least talk to a parent, I’ve never seen a 13 yr old prescribed contraception except for medical reasons though.

You can’t get this changed OP, it’s been done to death before and would be again, it probably won’t affect your child as the likelihood is they won’t be having sex underage, plenty of underage girls do though..l.and they do so by choice. I’ve worked in contraception clinics (in the past) and although they are a rare case we did get 15 yr olds coming in. This was post Gillick and our contraceptive clinic was thorough about safeguarding. We also have a very good information pack and follow up appointments to make sure teenagers understood stuff like consent and that they were able to refuse sex. We reiterated that it would be better to wait but if they still wanted to go ahead then we would prescribe for them, in most cases they were already sexually active.

So no....you can’t get it changed and lots of children would be at risk if you did. Children who dont have the lovely upbringing and supportive parenting your children are fortunate enough to have.

Victoria Gillick also excelled herself more recently by campaigning for UKIP which told me all I needed to know about her thinking and reasoning skills.

Where this falls down for me is that it is used for everything, not just the pill. My surgery told me that I couldn't discuss anything re my DD (aged 15) without her consent. They had not done any competence test on her, in fact she'd never been to the doctors (just moved to the area). So whilst I agree that things need to be in place to protect vulnerable children, I actually don't think this is the answer and I think it's dangerous. I expect very soon that all the young people believing they are trans will be able to make their own decisions re the drugs. I just have an awful feeling that we will see this used in ways that it definitely was not intended. Who's guarding the guards?

To clarify Kitty you are happy for 13yo to be handed condoms but not the pill?

Goodness.

This is a settled legal matter OP.

You may not like it, but that doesn’t matter. The law is the law, unless you manage to change it.

No, they're not pushing 13 year olds to take full control of their own health. It's much easier all round if the (competent) child feels able to bring their parent in with them, or to tell their parents. But some don't, and they shouldn't be denied health care for that.

Giles Your logic is that no parent should be automatically informed when their 13 year old daughter is put on the pill as some Dads are raping their daughters? So legislation is for the what the- .1% of the population?

titchy why would the rapes have come to light if they'd received contraception?

OP can you TRULY not see the real risks of what you are saying?

Children who don’t have supportive parents would simply not bother coming into clinics to see medical staff who could talk their decision through with them.

Jesus, OP. Allowing competent teenagers confidentiality where it can be ethical to do so is NOT telling rape survivors that that is the hand they've been dealt. Wtf? Disclosure of rape would go straight to Safeguarding.

Typical AIBU actually.

Op”. AIBU”

Everyone else “Yes you are”

OP “actually you are all wrong”

I sometimes wonder why people bother posting if they don’t want to hear and actually try to understand.

The rapes would almost crusading have come to light of the children has received contraceptive because the hcp would have asked some fucking questions about the partners, because a 13 year old asking for contraception is a big red flag for Safeguarding issues that requires further investigation.

At what age do you believe people should be entitled to privacy, OP? 18?

Yep a Doctor would encourage a teenager disclosing rape to report it.

If the teenager said “my Dad/grandfather/uncle raped me” it would go straight to safeguarding,

In the case of a teenager saying “my partner raped me” it would go to support services. Sadly in just that situation with a friends 15 yr old at the moment. The support service she’s been referred to have been beyond amazing,

The doctor would not simply say “oh never mind have some contraceptives”

It’s why we give teenagers this confidentiality if they are dee day competent to understand,