To know if my 13 year old is on medication or not?

[KittyPerry77]

NHS website states that 13 year olds have the same confidentiality as an adult at doctor's surgery when getting contraception.

How can it be right that a parent doesn't know if their child (and yes 5 years off being an adult is certainly a child) is taking the pill or not? It's got so many side affects which isn't really surprising seeing as how it artificially manipulates a child's hormones.

Who can I contact to try to get this changed? In AIBU as I know there'll be people dying to say I am, but I'm totally not.

I agree that teens having sex at 13 is not ideal, but multiple studies in multiple countries have shown that telling teens to not have sex and withholding contraception from them doesn't stop teen sex. It just increases teen pregnancy and STDs.

And catching gonorrhea or getting pregnant at 15 is going to have FAR greater lifelong implications than taking the Pill will do.

Except it's 6 pages of people disagreeing with you

I've heard enough stories over the years to be quite sure that this should continue. I would infinitely prefer that any 13 year old of mine did not want this-and I don't think they did-but the right must be preserved. Girls who are having sex anyway need protection. I think those who prescribe and work in the area are very alert to the possibility of abuse etc.

Spot on, Soup.

What if the child has TB? Or cancer? Or even a broken leg? There are parents who would not give permission for the treatment.

There are plenty of arguments to say it’s a good idea for girls to access the pill wo their parent consent at 13.
But that’s not one of them.
There is already a system in place to deal with sort of issue for children who are younger than 13yo. Therebis no reason not to carry in using it if we want to,

You are being so very unreasonable. The tern Gillick Competence and the Frazer Guidlines exists because of parents like you.

Yeah well, it's not the first time...

Means a 13-year-old can get a termination even if her loony religious parents object to it.

All for it.

And let's be realistic. As of this year, studies done amongst 16-19 year olds show that 30% of boys and 25% of girls become sexually active before they are 16. It isn't a tiny minority of abused children who are experimenting. It's 15 year old girls with their 16 year old boyfriends, who are not going to stop having sex because they are told not to, but are not ready to become parents.

I went to a religious school which exclusively pushed abstinence only education (back in the 1990s). We had one pregnancy and a lot of girls having sex, despite the nuns being about as clear that it was a bad idea as possible.

Perhaps you should look at it the other way around. There's no shortage of adults who have reasoning abilities that would rival some 13 year olds.

Who do you propose gives them permission for their contraception?

Thirteen is a teenager OP.

(I don't agree that there are 6 pages agreeing by the way). The thing that I have never understood (and I'm talking about a 13 year old here) is that when I went on the pill, I was asked about contraindications etc. Would a 13 year old girl necessarily have a clue? If she went to a school nurse that wouldn't have access to her medical info, would she really know her full medical history? Would she know about her family history? (history of thrombosis or whatever?) I think that the OP has been harshly treated on here. Clearly there always be issues, we can't always get it right. The law obviously is trying its best with this but clearly it will never be 100% right.

Folks may find it helpful to review some of the Nice guidelines in this area. One of them is that people aged under 18 who are engaging with sexual health services should receive full information about the whole range of contraceptive measures available to them, directly from a hcp.

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ph3/chapter/1-Recommendations

Loads of people don't know their full medical history, btw.

Carpet I am fully aware that loads of people don't know their medical history, which is why I said that the law can never get it 100% right. I don't understand why people are getting so defensive on here when clearly it is an issue that isn't easy to get right.

And an interesting note to remind all the angry and nasty posters on here that it is against the law to have underage sex too, so clearly there is a fine line that medical staff have to draw which can't be easy.

A friendly and rational debate would be lovely!!!!!!

It is far better a young person is able to seek contraception and sexual health advice than not going because their parents will be told.

@callmeadoctor There isn't much we can discuss here that hasn't already been covered in the relevant judgements. Most of us here aren't lawyers, including me, but if you're interested in the area, there is a lot of information on it out there that you should probably digest before engaging in an informed debate.

And when you've done that, AIBU probably won't be the best place to find it.

If you just want the debate because you enjoy debating, that's fine, I enjoy that too, but it's probably better to join a debating society - I believe there are still some for adults.

And an interesting note to remind all the angry and nasty posters on here that it is against the law to have underage sex too, so clearly there is a fine line that medical staff have to draw which can't be easy.

I thought sex under 16 is not illegal. Having sex with somebody who is under 16 that is illegal. But the spirit of the law is not to criminal consenting teenagers who are of the same age but to protect vulnerable young people.

I'm pretty sure a mother would notice and bring her daughter to the Dr herself if that was the case.

I'm sad to say that this is complete rot. My DM thought she had an open relationship with my DSis and me, yet she's only recently learnt from us that our father, along with other men, was sexually abusing us for years. She didn't even notice when we both had pregnancies in adolescence. (She picked up on the fact that I was putting on weight, but didn't make the connection, as I was never slim as a child.)

That's assuming she's being honest about that. We're not sure we believe her, but one thing she was not was approachable, and she wasn't around much because of work, so it's possible she's telling the truth.

You should be grateful that there are hcps that girls can go to for advice on these issues. It wasn't like that when we were growing up.

Golly some of you are a judgmental lot, tell you what, You are obviously all right so no need to discuss it any further really!!!!!

But if a child is being raped Giles, this is the time that she definitely needs her parents to know so they can support her. If they are the ones doing the raping then she shouldn't be returned to them with her contraceptives but taken away from them straight away.

It doesn't work like that. You surely realise that not all parents believe their daughters? And a lot of girls wouldn't dare to tell them because their abuser has threatened them? I'm sorry but you really have no idea.

Actually, you remind me of my DH's SIL, who homeschooled her DC through primary school because she didn't think anyone other than the parents should teach them sex education.

I'm a nurse and a mother of teenage girls (and live a cosy, middle class life with a good, open, trusting relationship with all my children) and I am eternally grateful for the law that means my children have a way of communicating with adults they can trust will not breach their confidentiality. This is such an important thing for teenagers that I really can't believe anyone can want to change the law! Teenagers need routes of communication that they can trust. If they know everyone they speak to has to disclose what they say to their parents, they are at such huge risk! They are very close to my mother and to my best friend too and I have explicitly told both them that I would never expect them to disclose any secrets to me. I trust them 100% to act in my children's best interests and, although I'm not naïve and know some HCPs are not as wonderful as they ought to be, I also have to trust any GPs or nurses that my children may or may not seek help from to do the same.

I’m a children’s nurse. I’ve seen children aged 11/12 I would deem Gillick competent (not seen for contraceptives I will stress) as well as 15 year olds I wouldn’t trust to tell me what day of the week it is. It’s all subjective.

We aren’t just throwing contraceptives at these 13 year old teenagers and telling them to get on with it. We educate them on risk, we weigh up safeguarding concerns and act if required, we answer their questions. To be honest if a 13 year old comes to me I would be reassured by their maturity and foresight to seek sexual health advice and more than likely trust they had the competence to be prescribed a contraceptive.

Teenage pregnancy rates have decreased enormously over the previous decade, it’s of very few public health successes achieved by the UK in recent years. This is down to changing tack and providing education and support rather than forcing abstinence and punishing young people - because they’re going to do it regardless of whether we think it’s right.