To ask PIL to help pay for childcare?

[TheMythicalChicken]

Just for background, I lost my job a few months ago. Things have been very tight for us since. My DH works but his salary is not enough to support us all. I should say at this point that both DC are at private school. DS has SEN which is catered for at the school and for various reasons we decided to send DD as well. We have prioritized this over the years above home ownership, holidays, etc.

I was offered a job yesterday, a really good one. The problem is childcare. The kids break up next week (we’re overseas) and are off for nearly 6 weeks. We will have to book them into holiday club and we just don’t have the money.

PIL live in the same city as us and would have them over the holidays if we asked. Unfortunately I don’t really trust them to look after the kids. They don’t supervise them at all and both kids have had accidents whilst in their ‘care’. Not only that, but FIL doesn’t like them being there and moans constantly about what a liberty it is.

So the only viable option is asking PIL if they will help pay for childcare. However, they will not be sympathetic as they disagree with private school and make constant references to it in terms of our financial situation.

I am not sure if I would be unreasonable to ask them. What do you think?

Thank you.

All CF comments aside op, your DH doesn't sound like a good man. He insisted you move to a foreign country and wouldn't let you take the children home regardless of how unhappy you are?

StoppinBy: "The Catholic school near us finish on the 18th of December and start back the 31st January."

They breakup on a Tuesday? How odd. Is that a systemic school or a "private" one - although the latter would probably break up earlier still.

And go back on a Thursday? Is that a staff development day? If it is, then do the children only attend on Friday? Or is it something like Western Division in NSW which has an extra week of holiday because of the heat?

Make your husband take a week off sick to give you a bit more time to sort it. Not ideal, but extreme measures are called for.

The dh is on probation still. He can’t take a week off sick.

They're your children and your responsibility as their parents. Just get on and sort their childcare without criticising people who have tried to help out. Get your wallet out or look after them yourselves.

It can’t hurt to ask op. And once you’re working and have paid it back budget very hard to build a cushion so you’re not in this place again. Especially as there will be lots of extras with school later on and it gets more expensive. You probably need to think hard about dc2 and whether you can afford it (or which one doesn’t have sen)

Please don't turn down the job just for a temporary issue.

I suggest you've actually framed this post the wrong way. Your issue is that your have a temporary cash flow problem. The fact that the straw that breaks the camel's back is the cost of childcare is neither here nor there - you simply need some money to tide you over for a bit.

With that in mind, I see no issue in asking you for a loan from your PIL "to tide us over until I've got a couple of month's salary" (or whatever it is). I'd also explore other credit options - for example does your workplace or DH's offer salary advances or an employee loan?

With respect timesnotaline you don't know that.

Depending where you are OP (and it would be helpful to know in general terms), with two children could it be cheaper to get some kind of housekeeper/ cleaner/ nanny in than pay for two lots of childcare fees?

Reading back I really can't see how being unemployed for another couple of months is more financially viable that paying for holiday clubs.

Actually Hope, that could be true. My babysitter is charging me $150 a day.

Also we have in the past paid for family to visit for those 6 week holidays, as it worked out to cost the same as childcare.

Stoppinby
Where in the world is the school that closes on the 18 th December and reopens on the 31 st January ?
Is it primary or secondary ?

Australia etc

But op said her school Was closing next week. I've no idea where that is.

@beanaseireann Most of the big private schools in Sydney break up on about the 7th Dec and don't go back til about the 30th Jan. Assuming Catholic schools get perhaps a week's less holiday, it could be any of them, or a smaller private school. None of them have externally-fixed term dates - only state schools do.

Obvs all this is moot now, unfortunately.

Can't you speak to the school? Most bursars are very sympathetic to short term stuff like this. It might give you a bit of a breather so you can afford to pay for the childcare.

If you're thinking about turning the job down anyway, you may as well just ask for the delayed start - you have nothing to lose! And as they say, "Don't ask, don't get".

4 weeks delayed start (request) and then 2 weeks at PILs would be reasonable. Go for it!

But if you're so quick to give up on the job offer, it makes me think that perhaps you didn't really want it in the first place...

I'm unsure as to why they would pay for childcare. If anything leave it for them to offer, they're your children so paying for childcare is your issue.

What? Please don't turn the job down!!

As a pp said, you may be able to get a bursary or a delayed payment plan in with the children's school. I went to a private school and there was a wide variety of options for parents who were struggling to pay fees.

But turning down the job is likely to be less economically beneficial in the long run, if it's only the holiday care that is problematic at the moment.

Most private schools have a longer break than state schools. even here in the UK private schools always get a week more even during half terms.

How have you ended up somewhere that you don't want to be & having to work because your husband can't support you all?

I'm really not surprised that the OP is thinking of turning the job down, she's just had umpteen pages of folk sticking the boot in because she's found herself in a sticky spot and needs a helping hand. It's all very well and good to sit there on your high horses judging with your shoulda, woulda, couldas but what has it actually achieved?

OP, your in a tricky situation, you need a hand, if you think that your in-laws could help then I would ask the question and frame it as a loan, offer to pay back a little extra as a thank you if you think it would help. You just need a leg up while you wait to be paid. Ask the question. Don't pass up the opportunity to further your career and make a life for your family.

I think you are being a martyr now. Two working adults cannot find money for child care up front? You have no credit cards, overdraft facility? If you are in Australia I expect you are paid weekly or fortnightly so it wouldn't be for long.

Also don't know why you think the thread was funny, most people were shocked not amused by your cheek.

Turning down the job and the extra income would definitely make private education untenable sooner rather than later. You might as well, just move both of them into the state sector immediately.

Taking the job and borrowing the money short term would be the viable way to keep them at their schools. What are your DH's thoughts on this?

Surely, the cost of holiday care is far exceeded by the cost of 2 sets of school fees?