To ask PIL to help pay for childcare?

[TheMythicalChicken]

Just for background, I lost my job a few months ago. Things have been very tight for us since. My DH works but his salary is not enough to support us all. I should say at this point that both DC are at private school. DS has SEN which is catered for at the school and for various reasons we decided to send DD as well. We have prioritized this over the years above home ownership, holidays, etc.

I was offered a job yesterday, a really good one. The problem is childcare. The kids break up next week (we’re overseas) and are off for nearly 6 weeks. We will have to book them into holiday club and we just don’t have the money.

PIL live in the same city as us and would have them over the holidays if we asked. Unfortunately I don’t really trust them to look after the kids. They don’t supervise them at all and both kids have had accidents whilst in their ‘care’. Not only that, but FIL doesn’t like them being there and moans constantly about what a liberty it is.

So the only viable option is asking PIL if they will help pay for childcare. However, they will not be sympathetic as they disagree with private school and make constant references to it in terms of our financial situation.

I am not sure if I would be unreasonable to ask them. What do you think?

Thank you.

There are private schools about to break up mid next-week in Queensland, but holidays will be 9 weeks long.

I don’t know why people assume GP s would be available at no notice to do 6 weeks of childcare during holiday time. GP have lives too! Looking after 2 kids for 6 weeks during school holidays is not a doddle. If my AC ask me to look after their kids during holidays I expect plenty of notice. Plus I’m free to say no! I wouldn’t expect to be asked to pay for their childcare either.

crabb: "There are private schools about to break up mid next-week in Queensland, but holidays will be 9 weeks long."

Yes, but original poster said her children's holidays are nearly six weeks long which would have the children returning to school by mid-January at the latest.That's just not going to happen in Australia, unless it's a really, really alternative school. (I sound like Zoolander).

Hi OP, whilst you can't ask your ILs to pay for childcare I am sure your DH can ask them for a loan for it until you get on your feet. This job seems ideal to help improve your financial situation and would be good for your MH too. I think it's important your DH steps up here and sorts this out.

I always feel sorry for the OP lifting and shifting her life thousands of miles away and not being happy, she presumably met and married her partner and had her children in her country and now his needs or wants trumps hers. Perhaps he should have found a home country partner in the first place.

Good luck OP, and well done for responding to the CF posts with such good humour. 😀

An expression I heard re. private schools: 'The more you pay, the less they're there".

A school near me (NSW) is breaking up on the 13th December, but does also go back after Australia Day like a PP said.

@sorrybaby I see why you were thinking along those lines lol, the trailer is very high as they attach it to one of their trucks and take it to camp in when they are away, it's set up with a mini kitchen and what not but the front panel opens up as a 'veranda roof' type thing so it's not fully enclosed while they are camped.

The Catholic school near us finish on the 18th of December and start back the 31st January.

The whole anti private school thing does depend a bit on where the op is though!

I have never seen myself as a cheeky fucker

You are a cheeky fucker of the highest order!

Take your children out of their private school and start living within your means.

Assuming au, are you taking into account the 50% rebate on your childcare fees? It'd only come to $50 a day after that, unless your wanting to send them to pony club or something, surely your new job would cover that.
Have you checked with Centrelink to see if you're entitled to any other subsidies?

OK, so I’ve given it a lot of thought today and decided to turn the job down. Everyone is right, it would be extremely cheeky of me to ask PIL to help us, given that we have 2 kids in private school. It is my fault for taking a job so close to the kids breaking up, but I just didn’t release.

I am just gutted really. It would have been a great opportunity for me to further my career. The job was a step up from what I have been doing and I never thought I would get a chance like that, especially as I’ve been looking for a job for months. It’s not the end of the world though.

Thanks for all your time and a few laughs along the way .

#TheCheekyFucker

Ask them for a loan!

OP, especially if you moved back to be nearer them, or they benefit from your DH being back. They must know it is costing you to find your feet!

Hsvjng a great job could make you feel better about moving there!

Negotiate with the company!

It sounds an all round stressful situation and YWNBU to cjnduder each and every way to make this work!

Sorry just saw they are breaking up next week, that's not au then.

TheMythicalChicken - I've just read this whole thread and am really sad to see your latest update. Is there no way you could ask your husband to ask his parents for a loan, that you would repay, even with interest, once you are both well settled in your new jobs? He can but ask, after all? Also, perhaps you could think about moving your daughter from private school but leaving your son there, if there is perhaps a local state school which is practically available to you?
Good luck, I'm really sorry you have to give up your chance of a good job because of this. Bloody money. If only we could live on fresh air, or it grew on trees

Just make sure the company doesn't offer child care as a perk before you turn the job down.

Haven’t read the full thread, but don’t give up your dream job! Look at how you can cover the childcare gap short-term so that you will be in a better earning position long-term. Can your husband step up?

You just have to restructure your life a bit and work with what you can afford.
I wouldn't ask.
Once we have kids, it's on us to raise them, support them, pay for them. If your PILs offered to pay, then that would be great and totally helpful.
But they haven't.

Don't do that until you've exhausted every other possibility. That would mean trading something of major benefit to all the family for short term convenience. It's fair to say you have drip fed some important information here's which will have affected the harshness of some responses.

Do you actually know how much childcare would cost? If not, that's the first thing to find out, knowledge is power.

Is there any free or cheap childcare you could tap into? Have you asked on local parenting forums?

Do either of you have anything of value you could pawn for a few weeks? Or sell? If you ate really frugally and avoided absolutely all unnecessary expenditure for the next couple of months, how much could you realistically save? I'm talking being REALLY strict with yourselves here, it's only for a very limited period.

What does your husband say about it all? Are you tackling this together, or is it "your" problem to solve?

Come on, let's brainstorm on this, don't give up yet.

Ah I just read your update.
That's a bummer.
That really is.

If you've moved abroad, are you due any tax refunds in the country you've left? Just a thought.

And you'll probably pay less tax where you are than expected for a while too as your starting half way through the tax year.

Also, this: What does your husband say about it all? Are you tackling this together, or is it "your" problem to solve?

Op do not turn it down. Make your husband step up here and ask his parents. Ignore the rude posters here - sometimes you just have to ask for help.

Have you thought about asking if you can start 3 days a week until after the holidays?