To ask PIL to help pay for childcare?

[TheMythicalChicken]

Just for background, I lost my job a few months ago. Things have been very tight for us since. My DH works but his salary is not enough to support us all. I should say at this point that both DC are at private school. DS has SEN which is catered for at the school and for various reasons we decided to send DD as well. We have prioritized this over the years above home ownership, holidays, etc.

I was offered a job yesterday, a really good one. The problem is childcare. The kids break up next week (we’re overseas) and are off for nearly 6 weeks. We will have to book them into holiday club and we just don’t have the money.

PIL live in the same city as us and would have them over the holidays if we asked. Unfortunately I don’t really trust them to look after the kids. They don’t supervise them at all and both kids have had accidents whilst in their ‘care’. Not only that, but FIL doesn’t like them being there and moans constantly about what a liberty it is.

So the only viable option is asking PIL if they will help pay for childcare. However, they will not be sympathetic as they disagree with private school and make constant references to it in terms of our financial situation.

I am not sure if I would be unreasonable to ask them. What do you think?

Thank you.

Don't turn the job down!

Any chance of getting a CC or a loan from somewhere?

This is a joke post surely? Why on earth do you feel its in any way shape or form anyone else's responsibility to pay for childcare for YOUR children? Honestly, how entitled are you??

They’re not good enough to look after your children but you’ll take their money

Pretty much word for word what I was going to say!

Are you trying to whip up a joint private school/PIL froth?

I don't trust you to look after the kids, but do you mind paying someone else to do it?" And you don't know if that's unreasonable?

^this

If you can afford to send the dc to private school without you working then surely you can afford summer school if you are working, why do you need to borrow money if you are earning.

I really don't think you deserved the criticism you've recieved on this thread. It sounds like you're in a difficult situation. I hope an even better opportunity awaits around the corner for you x

Do you feel like they owe you childcare so as you don't feel they are up to the job, they owe you the cost of an acceptable alternative?

Wow, this is like financial piss taking bingo

It's like an AIBU drinking game!:

Private school
Well-off PIL who injure the grandchildren through their negligence
Overbearing FIL
OP's parents incontrovertibly unable to help due to many reasons
Unhappy marriage
SEN
No one else in a 100-mile radius who can help in any way
No other suitable schools available for children to attend
Lengthy school holiday that just popped up out of the blue
'Reasons' why every single solution offered by others is an impossibility

Have I missed anything?

Really? I'd never ask something like that. Not even to my parents

This post can't be real - surely?

Ungrateful for the help they VERY kindly do (they don't have to) and now you want the to pay for childcare too?!

Pull them out of private school if you can't afford it - simple.

I'm unsure as to why they would pay for childcare. If anything leave it for them to offer, they're your children so paying for childcare is your issue.

Because families love each other and often are happy to help out where they can. FFS.

I would put it on a credit card, you will soon pay it off from new wages.
Unless you are already up to your neck, in which case they are right about the school. If you put money in a house you can get it back. Education is important, but honestly state schools are fine,

Bottom line is - you CAN't AFFORD private school - as you said in the original post - you have had to prioritise over the years including home ownership, holidays etc - surely before moving to a different country you would check out the schools that are suitable for your children?

Have I missed anything?

Everyone not reading the OP's posts ...

Really? I'd never ask something like that. Not even to my parents

Really? Hi mum, as you know I've been unwell and lost my job. I now have a new really good one but have to start right away. Could you possibly lend me 6 weeks worth of childcare fees?

I feel for you but seriously don’t turn down the job unless there is really no other option. You know already opportunities don’t come up easily and it sounds like you would benefit from meeting people etc in work. Good luck x

If you knew your parents were against private school though PimalLass it's very cheeky - especially when it will be obvious they've cut back over the years!

Silly to give up a job for a temporary cash flow problem. Can either of you get a loan from your employer (v commonfor people to be short in the first few weeks) or union, or local credit union? Or sell something?
If I'm right you will soon be in a better place, and working may give you some reasons to enjoy life more in your adopted country.

Because families love each other and often are happy to help out where they can. FFS

Under normal circumstances, sure. But this is AIBU, where all PIL are are wealthy, negligent, judgemental monsters.

If you ask them, they are likely to say 'Oh dont worry we will look after them' Thus opening up an uncomfortable conversation where you will have to explain situation

The numbers of people who are saying "change their school" are completely missing the fact that taking them out of private school at this point won't save any money until the end of January when the new school year starts, because that is when the next school fees are probably due. So it still wouldn't solve the problem of holiday childcare costs, except perhaps to change the dynamics of asking the inlaws for a loan.

I do agree that viewing this as a cashflow issue is probably reasonable. Sit down and work out a tight budget allowing for your income from now till when the next school fees are due. Talk to your new company about getting an advance. Work out where the holiday clubs actually are and when they operate, check which of you would need to work - if at all - between Christmas and New Year. Can holiday clubs be paid weekly? Will you be paid fortnightly? (I suspect so, if it is Australia). Talk to your children's school(s) before they finish about how you can spread out paying their fees next term if it looks difficult.

And for goodness' sake check when school goes back. I routinely broke up at the end of November/ first few days of December, but we didn't go back until the very last few days of January so I suspect you have not 6 weeks but 8 weeks of summer holiday coming up.

I hope you can make it work. Am I right that crunch time has come now because you'd got a savings buffer that you've been eking out since you lost your previous job?

Could you not borrow the money and pay them back when you’re working? That’s what I’d do, asking them to me seems very cheeky

Why not discuss the problem with them and see what they suggest- or don’t suggest?

I think it's fine to ask for a loan. I hope they agree and you can start the job. I wouldn't let me opportunity go unless there was no other option.

OP has said the sent DC1 to a private school because he has SEN - it is for his parents to decide whether this is the best educational option for him and they have. To pay for this they have sacrificed many things (such as owning own property). I think this is something she/ they should be admired for not insulted.

Also, tbh I don't see why grandparents shouldn't be asked to help out financially in special situations. They can always say no. In the UK we don't really understand of extended family.

You are doing your best OP. Be proud of that.