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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

383 replies

Stubbornuincorn · 22/11/2018 19:52

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Fatted · 22/11/2018 20:53

At least the people who you went to school with are working! Most of the people I've recountered from my school days, it's been when they have been arrested for drug dealing or shoplifting!

pigeondujour · 22/11/2018 20:53

I think peoples behaviour can change but not their personality

And at what age do we draw the line for that, please?

Polarbearflavour · 22/11/2018 20:54

The cat story made me laugh!

I like to think there is some sort of karma in the world.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/11/2018 20:54

I think I read 6-7

pigeondujour · 22/11/2018 20:56

Right so you think we're all basically the same as when we were eight?

HamiltonCork · 22/11/2018 20:56

I was bullied by someone who is now a doctor (no idea where though).

And you know what? I couldn’t care less. It was a long time ago and she probably isn’t like that now. I’ve got a good job, nice family etc and I’m very happy. I genuinely hope she’s happy too.

Grilledaubergines · 22/11/2018 20:56

I’m with Lost. The fact the kids grow up and stop bullying sadly makes no difference to the suffering they’ve caused.

No justification for it, or the victim blaming, unless you’ve got history of being a bully.

Lost, I take my hat off. More of us should do it, calling these people out.

SaucyJack · 22/11/2018 20:56

“People grow up, they change.”

They do, and thank goodness in many cases.

But those of us who were on the receiving end don’t forget the fear and the cruelty, and we don’t owe them any forgiveness.

BathFullOfEels · 22/11/2018 20:57

A girl I was at school with visited the nature reserve where a volunteer about a year or so ago. I remember her as a girl in my class who I was never particularly friendly with, I was in the geeky set, she was in the pretty, sporty set. But I can’t remember us ever not getting on and there wasn’t any bullying or nasty comments or anything like that. She was like a pig in shit seeing me at work - she said several times in our short conversation ‘I can’t believe bathfull is working as a gardener! No one from school would believe it.’ It seemed to really cheer her up and for some reason she found it hilarious that she thought I was in a crappy job I hated - I didn’t like to burst her bubble by letting her know I volunteer as I don’t need the money and I’m currently working on a phd in conservation. It was really weird.

chillpizza · 22/11/2018 20:57

The popular bully girls at my school all seem to fit the same bracket, single parents by multiple jack ass men, working checkout while selling pyramid shite on fb and palming off their children on what ever granny/mate will have them for her latest bf.

Sadly the popular yet horrible boys all seem to ended up with the equivalent of the shy but extremely smart girls as adults.

Takemetothehole · 22/11/2018 20:57

I'm actually sensing a bit snobbery from this thread. For a start not all popular people were bullies, and not all bullies were popular. There were some vile loners in my school. Or at least they became a loner very quickly.

But I'm reading snobbery against shop assistants. I've lived and worked all over the world, now married and settled down in my hometown and working in a local boutique it doesn't make me a loser compared to those who haven't 🙄

sugarsnow · 22/11/2018 20:58

You do know the cat didn’t bully anyone don’t you, polar? Hmm

Takemetothehole · 22/11/2018 20:59

Anyway the biggest bitch in my school is now a lawyer and plays national level for her sport! Meh!

SnuggyBuggy · 22/11/2018 20:59

I think we mature and adapt our behaviour. There are things you get away with as a teen that you don't so much as an adult.

RibbonAurora · 22/11/2018 20:59

Lot of bitter people on this thread, I get childhood bullying leaves scars often lifelong ones, walk away if you don't want them to serve you, even tell them how they made you feel but some of the victims aren't coming across as any more pleasant than their erstwhile bullies tbh. Sneering at their 'lowly' jobs in the service industry? And certainly I couldn't stand by and laugh while a person struggling with small children and pets had to chase down a probably scared and sick animal that had gotten loose in unfamiliar surroundings.

pigeondujour · 22/11/2018 21:00

And certainly I couldn't stand by and laugh while a person struggling with small children and pets had to chase down a probably scared and sick animal that had gotten loose in unfamiliar surroundings.

Nor could anyone else, but what they could do if they were so inclined is lie about doing it on the internet Smile

Nutkins24 · 22/11/2018 21:03

The school bully now lives in the same road as me. She was completely and utterly vile at school (made my life hell as the new girl when I’d had to join the school suddenly after some traumatic family events that involved moving halfway across the country) but she had an awfully hard time herself, her mum died young and I think she became a mum herself pretty young. She seems ‘stuck’ in a time warp, is obsessed with trying to organise school reunions and tried to add me on Facebook. I feel nothing but sympathy for her but she’s not someone I would wish to ever make contact with. Some bullies are just horrid people, some are kids that are lashing out because of awful circumstances. Adulthood does give you a different perspective, or at least it should do!

chillpizza · 22/11/2018 21:03

Some of my closest friends work retail. It’s only funny about the pop bullies because they seemed to believe they would always be queen bee and make it big in modelling or some other vanity based job when in fact they are no better than any other sod work wise.

ElsieMc · 22/11/2018 21:03

My dd2 encountered the girl who bullied her mercilessly at school recently at the hairdressers. She was going to wash my dd's hair. DD simply said she didnt think so and left the salon never to return, along with her partner and her sister who were also customers. Nothing needed to be said, but they have never been back.

I cant believe the get over it victim blaming from Sugarsnow. Its hard to believe the lack of empathy for the pp whose nose was broken, such a sad story of suffering at the hands of bullies.

sugarsnow · 22/11/2018 21:06

I do have empathy elsie but I don’t like snobbery, I don’t like being unable to accept that kids do and say stupid things and I certainly don’t like animal cruelty!

BrokeLuce · 22/11/2018 21:09

Well done Lost. I wish I had the balls. I see the girls who racially abused me for years and threw salt in my eyes whenever I visit London. I can just about manage to keep my voice from shaking. It's been almost 10 years and not a single one of them has changed.

Uummokay · 22/11/2018 21:09

I think Sugar has a point. It sounds as if you spend each waking hour plotting your revenge on the kids (now grown-up women) who bullied you. Bullying is awful, no one is saying you should just get over it. Especially if you have PTSD with what you want through, However getting gratification from making the person who bullied you feel small is bullying. That's not healthy.

CSIblonde · 22/11/2018 21:11

It's not school but I worked for someone who was vile & feared by all her team:everyone called her The Witch due to never wearing any thing but black & her weird vendettas. 5 years later looking for a Counsellor, up she popped! She'd retrained. Nearly didn't recognise her, because in 9years I'd never seen her smile - or out of skintight black.

DistanceCall · 22/11/2018 21:13

However getting gratification from making the person who bullied you feel small is bullying.

You don't make anyone feel anything. What Lost describes is bringing what happened into the open. Reminding the bullies of what they did. Not hitting them.

That makes them feel bad? Tough shit.

LostInShoebiz · 22/11/2018 21:14

Every waking moment plotting? No I don’t think so. I see these people occasionally when I visit home twice per year. In between I don’t think about them unless something specific comes up to remind me or I spend too long looking at the mirror (which isn’t that often with two very busy boys at home). I wish no harm on them but if they want to have a cheerful conversation and even suggest for a minute I’ve forgotten what happened, I don’t let it pass unremarked. It’s also not healthy to block out years of bullying behaviour you carried it and try to pretend everything is peachy.