‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

[Stubbornuincorn]

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

Cottonflowers most vicits feel powerless for year and years the mental stress the scars and worthlessness last a long time

If they feel a small amount of joy for a fleeting second that they made better choices than their bullies - I see no harm in that

My best friend at school was accused of being a bully I think it was because she was of an Asian background which was rare then. She got suspended from school. It wasnt true at all but the mother was like a dog with a bone and was upset that her daughter was just not as popular as my friend and all her friends. I hope they look into things more now.

Sneering at low low paid is really disgusting, most people who are high fliers have been given a lot of help to set them down the right track.

Sinister
I didn't pursue them, they pursued me, it was a very weird dynamic. I never went out of my way to be mean to people. I remember names and context, but I would likely not recognise them in the street. One in particular made her mother, ask my mother, for an invite to a small sleepover I was having. She spent some of the night passing a note saying "Do you like Super?' with tick boxes for yes and no. I was mean to her, but she wouldn't leave me alone. This girl actually also fits the bully/victim profile, but there's a chance she's out there now referring to herself as simply a victim.

blueshoes
I'm not claiming it excuses it, I am just clarifying that I do understand what it is to be bullied. There was no 'scattergun' approach so please stop your transference. There were maybe 3 people I was mean to. By random I just mean it wasn't about them, it was about me.

It may be hurtful to victims to hear that they were not important to somebody who looms large in their memories, but that is life.

Olivia the sentence after the one you quoted addresses that. Some people don't believe it but others do and I think accepting it can be helpful to move on. I personally don't think that well adjusted, mentally healthy, happy people inflict misery on others.

Move on? I can never 'move on'. The damage done to me is permanent. Believe me, I've tried.

I don't give a shit what reasons my bullies might have used, there is no excuse good enough for what they did.

I think you've taken my posts too personally, Olivia. I was giving my opinion on why bullies don't just leave people alone in response to another poster's question. At no point did I sympathise with them or make excuses, like I said, I was bullied as a child.
Not too sure why you're picking apart my comments, sorry if you feel I've directly insulted you.

The thing is that you don’t have to add the detail that they weren’t and aren’t important to you. It may well be true but it just seems like another unnecessary knife in the side. You can just say, I absolutely regret all the things I did to the people I hurt. I can’t remember all the times I did it, but I am so sorry for behaving that way. And that’s it. Don’t say anything else. Nothing about how you forgive yourself and you are a nice person now and the justification was this and that - the person you hurt won’t want to hear it and it’s galling.

I actually rate the people here who have admitted they were bullies because is brave to face up to the fact you were a mean kid, whatever your reasons for doing it.

The thing is that you don’t have to add the detail that they weren’t and aren’t important to you. It may well be true but it just seems like another unnecessary knife in the side.

This ^

The thing is that you don’t have to add the detail that they weren’t and aren’t important to you. It may well be true but it just seems like another unnecessary knife in the side.

The converse of this is that my bullies are completely unimportant to me. I no longer remember their full names. I could possibly recognise a face or two (but it's been a very long time)
I did meet one about 15 years ago, and my heart pitterpattered in the fight or flight mode. But I managed to hold on to myself just.
She said she recognised me, but I took a long look and shook my head, said no don't think so.
Got funny looks for the rest of the time I was there but she would have looked crazy if she insisted she knew me.

Those people and there was about 8 in the "gang" made my school time so utterly miserable. Between school and home life I actually wonder why I didn't kill myself back then. I did come close quite a few times. But I would not have given them the satisfaction of knowing how badly they got to me.