‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

[Stubbornuincorn]

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

honestly if ran into those who were twats at school, I wouldn't trust them with my haircut or full body massage, let alone teach my children

@blueshoes, I think some people just can't help but victim blame, almost like they think it protects them from being a victim

@SuperLambBananas
I was like you and was bullied and coerced into doing some pretty vile stuff. I didn't relentlessly bully anyone. I just wasn't a very nice person after what happened to me.
However you can't let people on this thread tell you, you still aren't a very nice person because you have moved on and forgotten. Being a terrible teen doesn't make you a malicious nasty person. I'm sure you would apologise like me if faced with someone you wasn't particularly kind to. Any decent person would. Which is what you have become. People don't want to believe people grow because that hurts them more. That's not your problem to deal with anymore. Just the same as I'm not my bullies problem. I don't care about them anymore. I've even forgiven the person who sexually assaulted me because he was also a child who was forced (kind of) by adults. That has to have fucked him up pretty bad too. No good comes of living in your past.
You have to forgive yourself. You can't live your life waiting for forgiveness. It may never happen. Any good psychiatrist will tell you that. They will also tell you it doesn't make you a bad person. You can only hope in time others find peace with their past.
The type of job doesn't come into it! It's not related it's not linked and some people are coming off as quite snotty on here. I'd rather have my life even if it comes with awful life experiences. Its taught me to be a better person.
The ex bullies that have been named on this thread as now being social workers and mental health workers. Maybe they are amazing people now and what they did in the past has motivated them to help others? I think that's a good thing.

The ex bullies that have been named on this thread as now being social workers and mental health workers. Maybe they are amazing people now and what they did in the past has motivated them to help others? I think that's a good thing.
Maybe they're "good people" but on personal level I would not trust them.

That's your own personal preference. However that doesn't mean they aren't good at their job and the people they have taken care of and helped don't.

maybe they are, but there is also no personal history between them and those other people.

If I found out that someone I trusted and respected was a bully in their youth, it would lower my estimation of them and I would not be able to think of them without their past deeds in mind.

This is in fact the case with one of the dh's childhood friends who was a terrible bully to a kid and ruined that's kid's school life because of some relatively minor personal issues in the bully's own life (think along the lines of sibling rivalry). It does not excuse what the bully did and to his credit, did try to make amends but his victim blanked him. I don't blame the victim.

As I have a choice who my hairdresser is, I would not use someone I found out was a bully in their youth no matter how good. Why would I when there are others with good skills too.

I wonder if those of you saying the victim should 'get over it....move on etc have thought about the victims that have taken their own lives?

Better they are still here even for a momentary gloat of their bullies failures

I can think of a handful of very cruel people who I would honestly be concerned if they had access to vulnerable people

Glasshalfful Bananas said she would probably not apologise given that she couldn’t remember the people she had bullied. I took exception to that as her entire post was pretty much all about her feelings as a bully and gave little care to the people she hurt.

The ex bullies that have been named on this thread as now being social workers and mental health workers. Maybe they are amazing people now
And maybe they aren’t. You can still be an awful person and have a job. Enid Blyton emotionally abused her children but she made millions of others happy with her books. Doesn’t help her children though, does it.

mymycherrypie unfortunately I cannot help not remembering the people I was mean to. It just genuinely was not about them, I know I generally had disdain for people who I thought of as 'thick' or 'childish' but I don't remember individuals.

I was bullied and I repeated some of that behaviour to random other people, if I had pursued an individual I imagine I would remember who they were but that is not what happened.

I would apologise if I knew who they were, as I think I said, but frankly I can barely remember anybody from school.

I did say I was both a bully and was bullied, I think you may have missed that.

No. I saw it.

SuperLamb out of interest, why did you bully people you thought were "thick" or "immature" rather than just avoiding them? I always wonder this because I knew the girl who bullied me didn't like me so I avoided her, even though she was my next door neighbour, but she made a point of seeking me out. I still don't get why, she had a big gang of friends and was very popular, why did she waste so much of her time bullying me? All seems a bit pointless to be honest!

That was always my question. Obviously not everyone likes you but why can't they just ignore you. I avoid people I don't like as it's way easier.

I still get kids, maybe aged 10 or 11, taking the piss out of me in the street, because I can't fit in. I was recently diagnosed as autistic, and gave up trying about 30 years ago. I hope it's obvious that it makes me feel like shit.

superlambbananas: I did say I was both a bully and was bullied

Being bullied does not give you the licence to bully others. As snuggy and mymycherrypie say, why could you not just ignore those whom you deem thick or childish. You were just taking out your issues on others.

Just because you took a carpet spray approach to bullying does not make you any less of a bully or any nicer a person. Quite the opposite.

Sinister it's because the bullies need someone to project onto, a victim. It's about power. They wouldn't have felt powerful if they merely avoided you. It's never because they don't like you. I was bullied but I truly believe that only hurt people hurt people. That isn't enough for some people to know (and who could blame them) but for me it's enough. They are going through something themselves and find ways to cope and lash out. The ones who don't grow out of it and continue to bully throughout adulthood are deeply troubled and will never be personally fulfilled or happy. I pity them.
to anyone still dealing with the fallout.

I do get that to a point Blanche. Personally I feel more angry at the school and the teachers who let it happen, I mean you could argue the bullies needed help too but we're instead allowed to continue to hurt people.

I was bullied but I truly believe that only hurt people hurt people.

That's no excuse. It's just said by people to excuse appalling behaviour for which there actually is no excuse.

I was tormented by a girl at school. I had a over a year of seeing a psychiatrist and was medicated before I felt back to being a bit more like myself but the damage was done.

She made my life hell but she's not worth the headspace.

She knows what she did and she has to live with that.

I genuinely hope her children don't ever go through what she put me through.

Interesting experience last night. I met up with some people from my school days. These included three women I have not seen since the day I left school. These were three of four who nearly got me expelled by making false accustations about me. My Dad threatened to get the police involved as the accustations made were so serious. Fortunately for me the situation was resolved although I believe someone else was expelled.

I stayed only a couple of hours as felt very uncomfortable. Whether they remember the incident I don’t know but I certainly do. Thankfully there were other former best friends there who helped the evening not be a complete disaster. I don’t think they had any idea why I left early.

I don't like how threads like this (there was another one similar to this earlier in the week) quickly descend into being snarky about how all the bullies had kids young / work in shops / work as carers / are SAHMs. Prefaced by something like 'not that there's anything wrong with it but...'.
It's really vile!

Olivia the sentence after the one you quoted addresses that. Some people don't believe it but others do and I think accepting it can be helpful to move on. I personally don't think that well adjusted, mentally healthy, happy people inflict misery on others.