‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

[Stubbornuincorn]

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

I was the default bully target in school and now earn a salary that I’m sure most of you ‘couldn’t keep a straight face’ if I told you how little it was and would consider it an adequate ‘punishment’ for a bully. Whilst the bullies are mostly in professional roles like teachers, lawyers etc. As as result I didn’t do amazingly at school, have no confidence and have found it difficult to progress in my career. So the worst of both worlds, hey.

However, it is what it is. Everyone goes through stuff and does things they cringe at when they become older. I never think about the people in school, even though I suppose it did impact me significantly.

Some very unpleasant attitudes in this thread. Honestly, the way people talk about people who work in certain roles or who are on low salary’s stings almost as much as all the nasty comments I got in school.

Two of the mean girls from my school now own a salon together and I couldn’t be happier for them . It suits them well...

I was bullied in school and now work in retail management. I'm also happily married, TTC, own my own home and have all the pets I wanted but couldn't have as a child!

I don't know what my bullies are upto because I've not spoken to them since we were 16. I also live six hours away from my hometown so I doubt I'll ever see them again. They don't really feature at all in my life because I'm happy now. Their existence is just irrelevant to me.

It seems really strange to assume that your bully wouldn't have changed.

Anybody who was a bitch to me 20 or 30 years ago, I assume they have matured and lived and learned.

Exactly.

Maybe some have changed, maybe they haven't but either way I don't want an adult relationship with anyone from that time. I personally don't care what sort of lives they have and as much as I have enjoyed some of these confrontation stories I don't want one of my own.

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome, ‘belming arsehole’ is my new insult of choice for my DBro. We regularly ‘belmed’ at each other as kids- usually behind mum’s back .

Ohyes what does that mean?

I was bullied for so many things:not being allowed to have a bath or wash my very greasy hair more than once a week, being overweight, wearing glasses, being different (I've only recently been diagnosed as autistic), wearing unfashionable clothes because my DGPs bought them for me, having a deep voice. Only the boys bullied me. One of my friends from school found me on Facebook a few years ago. They have school reunions, but it would just bring back sad memories. One of my friend's Facebook friends is the boy who spat on my coat.

"Anyone else thinking sugarsnow was one of the mean girls"

Bishop - the irony of commenting on a thread about bullies and trying to encourage a pile on on Sugarsnow!

Self-awareness is a really important skill to hone.

I was bullied at school. I hated them as a teenager, but now I'm an adult I see that they were kids, and I can't judge them.

Only because that poster was doing everything possible to excuse bullying, victim blame and goad a poster in a very bullying manner. Absolutely wasn't encouraging a pile on, merely expressing my view as that poster themselves done repeatedly in a very unpleasant manner.

Plus I wasn't the only one that made that conclusion.

There's a girl who insists my group of friends 'bullied' her at school, in reality she was a little cunt and is now a bigger cunt who cycles through friends having various dramas along the way. She has clearly got her own idea of what bullying is, not wanting to be friends with someone because they're an annoying, odd person who you can't connect with isn't bullying its personal choice. She now teaches primary kids and is apparently 'reduced to tears' by one on a weekly basis.

I met one of the girls from my bullies circle of friends a few years ago in baby clinic, she's lovely now. She actually said how much she hated school and was in constant fear of getting bullied herself, I felt for her to be honest. Me and my group of friends were a major target for the bullying girls gang, but when we were away from them our little misfits group had a lot of fun. I'd assumed being part of the popular group would be amazing, turns out it was really tiring trying to keep up with them and not be bullied by the leaders.

One of the more violent members of the bully gang was a Facebook friend, I always felt a bit sorry for her because I knew her Dad was a thug. But then she started liking and sharing EDL and Britain first shit so I blocked her. Some people just don't change.

People grow up, they change

And yet if someone shoplifted in their teens the pearl-clutchers on here think they shouldn't be allowed to work with children in their 40s. You can't have it both ways.

I'm surprised those who were bullied at school have gone back to school reunions, I wouldn't go back to mine!

Reflection

I turned around and another girl from our school was standing outside the Petsathome next door. We both just audibly gawfuffed. I chuckled the whole way back to the car 😁

Of course a fellow girl from school happened to be stood right there, who also witnessed the cat escaping, who also had the same view of this school bully as you, who also found it funny that a potentially sick and injured cat got loose and could be killed. That absolutely happened.

polarbearflavour

was at an airport recently and I bumped into a woman I used to work with who wasn’t very pleasant. She had her husband and two kids with her. Business class was called and I said “oh that’s me, got to go!” She walked past me in my seat later on (with a glass of champagne) and said “oh you’ve done alright for yourself then” with a glare

This absolutely happened too. Just like in the movies.

This thread is comedy gold. So much fantasising going on!

FWIW I think it’s human nature to be pleased when someone who made your life hell crossed your path and you realise you’ve done well for yourself in comparison. Doesn’t mean you’re an awful person or that you look down on certain jobs, I’ve done the retail and waitressing and factory work slog and i’d be deluding myself to pretend that the salary and lack of autonomy and lack of mental stimulation in those jobs doesn’t mean they’re a worse prospect or outcome for me than what I ended up doing!

Business class was called and I said “oh that’s me, got to go!

That's rather shoddy. Every time I've flown business class the announcement has been that I can board at my convenience.

Always call people out on their terrible behaviour back during school. It doesn't have to be said in a horrible or vindictive manner just a simple statement of the facts "Yes I remember you, you made X class horrible for me when you used to always call me Y". If they have matured they will have the spine to apologise and it can be written off as being young, stupid and not knowing better. If not they will scuttle off and hopefully have a good hard think about how they used to treat people (and perhaps still do).

There are some lads at school who weren't particularly nice to me. If I saw them and we ended up chatting and it lead back to school I would state what I remember.

Conversely I also said some mean things to others myself. I met a girl from school a couple years back and we made some small talk and I said along the lines of I knew I was a dick to her at school on a few occasions but I just didn't know better back then and sorry if she remembers any of it. She played it down but accepted my apology.

At the end of day we're adults and hopefully now realise that we should treat others how we wish to be treated and can see in hindsight how petty, nasty, inconsiderate and stupid our behaviour at school can be.

I worked in retail, catering, admin. The bullying fucked my education, I moved schools but was too scared to go in a lot of the time. I should have had counselling really, instead I was treated like a problem. I got shit grades for my GCSEs and ended up working in retail. I worked my way up through jobs and by my early 20's I was working in Graphic Design, exactly where I would have been had I gone through higher education. I found work places were much more safer than education, of course there is bullying in workplaces but bullies have more to loose if they get found out, there livelihoods. In school bullying was an almost expected part of life, bullied were never thrown out of school and rarely punished. I on the other hand was told I had to change my behaviour (toughen up). When I eventually left, the school actively tried to sabotage me getting placed elsewhere! I'm still angry at the school for this, I don't really give a shit about the bullies. The school failed in their duty of care to me, protected the bullies and tried to sabotage my chances of getting into another school. I wouldn't send a dog there, let alone a child.

I don't know what the bullies are doing now and I don't care. Most of the girls in my year had set aspirations, hairdresser, nursery nurse, housewife, like those were the only things women could do. But they were only 16. Those who I see on Facebook have broadened their horizons and gone on to have pretty interesting careers, and are mostly mothers now anyway.

Well, naturally we'd all feel a shot of adrenaline at seeing our tormenter from years before - but it's a bit weird to assume that the default vantage point on a 'shop girl' or hairdresser is inferior.

My hairdresser is a pretty savvy lady who seems to be doing well for herself. We can't all be hedge fund managers!

I remember at sixth form mentioning to the head of bloody pastoral care that I used to be bullied a lot in school. Her reply: "I know". Well, why the fuck not do anything about it, then?
In answer to that, I guess the teachers had their own shit to deal with. I remember a few having nervous breakdowns and never coming back.

Business class was called and I said “oh that’s me, got to go!

I'm a teensy bit embarassed for you.

Really? Embarrassed?

I think it's awesome

When I was seven a kid in year 6 pinned me under a door handle and threw an uppercut into my chin as I shouted for help. I remember the blood and even today have an oddly shaped tongue where the punch made me bite the end off.
Over 20 years later I ran in to him serving in the local spoons . He remembered. He apologised. Was a shock to me because he was a bullying shit all through primary and secondary to me just because I wanted to learn.

I’ve actually got about the same lifestyle as my secondary school bullies, which is fine with me. In my early 20s one of them died though, and an old classmate told me and was saying how sad it was, he was a great guy, so fun at school etc (rewriting history) and I really couldn’t have given less of a shit.

I had this with a midwife in labour. I requested someone else.

This thread is incredibly sad - there is so little understanding of the psychological issues that can be life-long from being bullied.

It is true to say that many people who bullied as children do grow up and change and even feel ashamed and sorry for the way they behaved, but it is also true that bullies seldom suffer the psychological harm that their targets do.

Sustained bullying in childhood can have a life-long devastating effect. Children who are bullied are more likely to suffer mental illness when older and have low self-esteem. Bullying has led to suicide. All those years when you should be developing your personality, a friendship group, an education and good memories are destroyed by bullies. Being bullying is a traumatic process for people - a trauma that happens day after day after day. Can you not at least try and imagine what effect that has on a young mind (well any mind).

Try and have some empathy with people who have been bullied, try to understand where the anger towards their bullies comes from and understand the need for their bullies to be punished for their part in destroying your childhood.

Now can you understand where people's perfectly human need for some sort of retribution/revenge/karma comes from. Until you have suffered sustained bullying, you are not in a position to dismiss its terrible effects. Being dismissive of people's need for karma and saying the bullies were just children who will have grown up and changed, is such an insult to people really struggling as adults due to bullying when young.