‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

[Stubbornuincorn]

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

I once had a teacher who made my life hell I don't know (and still don't know) what her problem with me was but she would humiliate me in front of the class because I wasn't quite as clever as others and took longer to understand.
I was working in a local supermarket during a break from uni (which she told me repeatedly I wasn't clever enough for and should just go get a job now)
Convo went like this :-
Teacher : oh kitkatiom it's good too see you have found your true vocation in life
Me: no miss. Just working here on a break from uni, have you found your true vocation yet??

You would have thought I had slapped her. I can never forgive her for the way she treated me but it did give me a little boost to show her how it felt.

Call me a mean and nasty cowbag if you want but I just couldn't hold my tongue. Yes people grow and change over the years but the hurt and humiliation from all those years back still comes back when you see that person again.

Karma hun xox

kitkatiom - you are not mean and nasty - you are just human, a perfectly natural human response. In fact, a quite restrained response for years of hurt, let's hope she went away and thought about it.

There’s a lot of ‘scuttling’ going on in the minds of people on this thread lol

As much as it might feel nice to imagine a high school bully ‘scuttling’ anywhere, in reality the type of people to bully are likely to be either blithely unbothered or possibly even a bit smug at the fact that years later they’re still getting to you. I sincerely doubt any of the ‘devastating comeback scuttles off interactions went down like that in any way other than in the victim’s mind.

I also wish we’d atop calling it bullying and start calling it abuse. That’s what it is. Verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

People grow up, they change
Yes they do and if they have changed they’ll apologise for making your life miserable if you call them out on it.
If they haven’t changed or haven’t even acknowledged that they did anything wrong of gives them a reminder that they were an arsehole and it wasn’t ok.
There’s a world of difference between saying ‘I remember what you did’ and launching a sustained campaign of abuse which is what bullies do.

Loool this all reminds me of this one time I jetted into my hometown for vague reasons and I was just ambling along the street thinking 'oh I hope I don't bump into Candice who was such a bitch to me 20 years ago at school while I was just an ugly duckling bookworm', when I saw a shoe shining booth (my hometown is so quaint and old fashioned) perched on one side of the road. I sat down to get my louboutins shined up, when..I could've sworn it was..it was Candice, the one I just mentioned, shining my shoes! Well it was a good job I was seated as you could've knocked me down with a feather! Just then a limousine pulled up sent by the film company who were turning my book, The Bullshit Bible into a blockbuster movie. I threw some coins to the ground and pirouetted into the limo and just as the door closed, Candice yelled 'I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you at school!' as she was scrabbling round on the floor.

Yes all the populars at my old school either had kids young and are SAHMs or do shop/care work.

It was me that made this comment. Everyone conveniently left off the next sentence that said Nothing wrong with that of course.

The thread asked the question as to whether anyone had noticed if it is common for school bullies to end up in low skilled employment. I answered in my personal experience yes. The bullies at my school are either unemployed or in unskilled work. No snobbery intended, simply factual. I've done these jobs myself and if I'm lucky enough, plan to only work part-time or be a SAHM.

It's interesting how many people -bullies- who this touched a nerve with. I'm not referring to everyone who disagreed but there's certainly been a few where you can see past their moral indignation for what it really is; embarrassment.

My cousin's bully is now a famous actress.

I used to make fun of my now DH (met again as adults) when we were at school together because he fancied me. I am horrified with myself now for how I was then!

I don’t remember much bulling in my school but there were two sets of popular kids and I don’t think they did as well as they could have done so popularity may have been a bit of a poisoned chalice long-term. The popular working class kids didn’t go to sixth form and had kids early or worked in lower paid roles. Looking back I remember some of those kids being really clever and they should have at least done A-levels. They were failed by the school really. The popular middle class kids became the popular ones in 6th form. Most of them underperformed I’d you look at their leavers destinations. I’m not sure if that was a result of being distracted from studies or another reason.

@tothesideoftheirlives I don't see it as a lack of understanding more a wilful refusal of empathy. Makes you hope that nobody they care about has or will go through it due to their inability to care.

Reminds me of the complete lack of empathy the bullies used to show me... and as an autistic person people assume I don't have any!

@BlancheM 😂😂😂

Meh. You can say I’m making things up but whatevs. I know it happened, it gave me a tiny bit of satisfaction. It has no effect on me if random people on Mumsnet don’t believe me.

If posters have money/fly business class etc they are always accused of stealth boasting. Oh well, I’ll get on with my day now!

Retail work isn’t always low skilled anyway.
You might find it easier to enter with less qualifications/ but if you have potential it doesn’t take long to be noticed and utilised.
There are many skills needed in a supermarket.
That goes for *all establishments,beauty salons etc...

ImpendingDisaster - why would you be embarrassed for a random person on the Internet? Strange!

I fear you are right BishopBrennansArse

I was not bullied as a child, but my DD was and now has long-term mental health issues due to the bullying. The anger I feel towards those people will never go away, just as her mental health issues continue.

I hope everybody that has come on this thread that has been bullied finds peace at some point, and the others, the goady ones and the disbelievers of the consequences - well what can say - lets hope karma happens.

Retail workers on the shop floor are indeed classed as being in a low skilled occupation. That’s a fact. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the people doing the jobs just that their job roles aren’t highly skilled. It doesn’t mean they don’t contribute to society or aren’t good at what they do. These jobs are needed and I’m sure we all appreciate being served food by a waiter and being helped in a shop.

“Menial or repetitive tasks are typical unskilled labor positions. Jobs that can be fully learned in less than 30 days often fall into the unskilled labor category.”
www.investopedia.com/terms/u/unskilled-labor.asp

Some people are a little touchy.

But every now again it attacks you when you least expect it. You think you are over it, but then in your 40's you find yourself crying in the middle of the night over something you saw or heard about at your kids school. Didn't even involve your kids, but blimey it sets you right back.

The chance comes up for your dream job, but it's in a school and you realise that actually, there is no way you can enter that environment again.

This is exactly it, holidays - or a tone of voice, a sudden movement caught in the corner of your eye, someone who has a similar look or mannerism to your tormentor - it sets you back days . . . weeks even.

Lost - my teenage niece is being bullied at school at the moment. A group of girls are ostracizing her and calling her names. She spends most of her time on her own. We are trying to help her sort it out and keep assuring her that this upsetting time in her life will soon pass. I am going to read her your comments as I think they will give her a much needed confidence boost (and laugh!!) Thanks

polar
Your Americanised link - talks about entry level positions.
I said the same.
However there are masses of people ‘serving’ customers that are trained in jobs that take way longer than 30 days to learn.
Lots of team support can take apart the self serve machines/ fix them/ understand the computer element...etc.
You can stay in a non challenging role, but don’t assume those working in a supermarket aren’t pretty clever at stuff you don’t know about.

The girl who bullied me and my family for years now is an anti bullying supporter at a local school. Makes my blood boil.

Not addressed to any particular poster, but if you think there’s “nothing wrong” with working in a low skilled/low pay job then why even bring up ex-bullies working in those roles in the first place?

One of my bullies has been dating my exH for the last 18 months, she seems to have forgotten how she used to barge me every time she passed me in the halls. 25 years later I still live in my very small home town and a couple of these women still hold grudges and my stomach still lurches when I see them in the local supermarket. Lots of sad stories on here, being bullied at school can affect your self esteem for the rest of your life.

Bit much to say she was 'probably' being sexually abused at home, but of course that's a possibility.

I would say "almost definitely" being sexually abused at home.

Most the popular (mean) kids I went to school with are massively successful. I was the one more likely to be picked on, and I’ve definitely served them in bars.

I once went back to my hometown and was a passenger in a friends car. She had another friend I didn’t really know in the front. We’ll call her Anne. I can’t quite recall why, but we passed a girl- let’s say Betty - and my friend asked her if she wanted a lift! We stop, Betty (who I also didn’t really know, and was quite surprised that my friend know her) gets in and we carry on to the newsagent we were heading for.

Friend pulls up and she leaves the car to go in the shop leaving the three of us in the car.

Anne says - you don’t remember me do you? You used to really pick on me...

Bit of recognition from Betty...

Anne (who is v quiet in nature) proceeds to unload how hurt she’d been by Betty and how badly Betty behaved, and didn’t Betty feel awful for the things she’d done?

Betty... proceeded to tell Anne she was a right weirdo who deserved all the bullying.

Friend gets back in the car! Not a single word is spoken! I had no idea what to say. Anne is bright red. Betty is just looking out the window. We drop Betty off and carry on the trip and to this day I don’t think my friend knows what happened.

Some sad stories on here and some inspiring ones as well.

But you always you have those posters with a misplaced smugness coming onto these threads 'I was walking down the road in my smart business suit' 'I was newly married' 'I was getting out of my fab car' type stuff, that makes me find it difficult to warm to those posters. They come across as the type who look down on any of their peers who haven't got a fancy job, lots of money, a partner or whatever and sort of lack empathy or imagination themselves.