‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

[Stubbornuincorn]

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

Why would you care what some random person thinks on the internet about what job you do?

It’s not bullying to say that retail is counted as unskilled labour. That’s a fact. It’s a low paid job. Again - fact. Minimum wage is minimum wage and many people find it hard to live on. It doesn’t mean that you as a person are thick, useless, boring etc. I found working in a shop soul destroying and boring. Some people don’t. Great. I am glad I don’t have to work in a low paid job. Not because I think I am better than retail workers but because being paid well makes life easier. Also with these jobs you don’t have much autonomy about how you work, unsocial hours, rude customers etc.

I’ve read that office jobs are boring. That doesn’t make me feel sad / worthless / lower my self esteem.

I wasn't judging anyone for having negative feelings. Childhood bullying can have devastating effects. What I'm trying to say is that judging an adult by their behaviour as a young teenager isn't fair or reasonable and that sustained bitterness and vindictiveness are unhealthy. And I get that bullying is sustained, rather than one event, but these 'altercations' do not make pleasant reading. To call someone names, to laugh at someone's struggles, sneer at their home, their appearance or their job, isn't decent behaviour and we are grown adults, not children in the playground.

My kids go to the same school as one of my bullies she has grown up had kids struggled with her weight shite happened we moved on

Her partner in crime I saw years ago in a wheelchair not much hair looking like she was at deaths door never saw her again no idea if she recovered

And another girl who was nasty/nice to me had kids had a crack habit lost everything recently saw her being screamed at by her son about his bad upbringing she was so out of it all she could do is whisper I'm sorry you feel like that

We have all changed, grown, grudges are unhealthy to hold on too so why bother life is harsh enough without the stress of school

Madeleine, see my post just above yours.

I have, but it doesn't back up your point. In general, sneering at lower-paid people makes you a dick, not a bully. Having a moment of schadenfreude when you are confronted with someone who made your life a living hell for a significant time in your formative years makes you neither dick nor bully, just human.

abbs

I agree with you. I am sharp tongued, always have been. Which is why my bullying went ignored, because I responded. If I had cried more, perhaps people would have cared more, sooner.

I don’t hold a grudge because ultimately those people are irrelevant to me now. My adult life is my own and honestly - I don’t recognise the person I was in my teens (eating disorder, self harming, wildly defensive) in the adult I am now. I am well, have a beautiful child, a fantastic relationship, a supportive family. My worth is not based on my social peers, past or present.

I hold a grudge against those who purposefully made my life miserable as in I have no desire to be in their company for one millisecond. I don’t have any pity for them if their life is a bit shit because they probably mostly deserve it.

My bully aka unemployed Les Dawson with long hair not so long ago followed me into the clothing section in a supermarket where I was browsing tights with my DD - (who was at school with her child so knew who she was) and strutted around saying loudly “urgh only frumpy old bitches would buy anything from here” tinkly laugh

You know what I did? I put my basket down and left the shop with DD and had to sit in the car for 20 mins trying not to cry until bully left the shop. I’m a woman in my 30’s and my reaction to her was just ridiculous, because she still had the power to make me feel shit

Les is pretty fat. I also know Les’s husband left her a couple of years ago and she had to face the reality of being an unemployed single parent. The poor man seems to have been recaptured by Les and their eldest child now drives a brand new High end car to his job in the same supermarket.

Haha
Les once did speak directly to me at a school disco. She was wearing a brown velour tracksuit. It was very gastly. I could not stop staring at it to be honest

I went to the dentists once and the receptionist was someone who had horribly bullied me at school.
She was all, omg, do you remember me and smiling.
I just said, "YES."
Sat down ignored and changed to a new dentist.
Yeah you Susan Walker, you nasty horrible person.

SuperLambBananas I don’t tbink you are as kind now as you think you are. You say you bullied too, and yet in that entire post you never once said you hoped the people you hurt are at peace now. Just that you are. In fact you entirely dismissed them (I can’t even remember them) and then said you hoped that people here who had been bullied let go of their bitterness. Why do you think they are bitter? If not for bullies, they wouldn’t be bitter. I think you need to reflect on the people you may have changed for a lifetime into a bitter adult. Same goes for anyone here who was a bully.

Mymycherrypie
You could be right about me

As a victim I believe I am over it.

I genuinely do hope anybody I victimised is over it too. I don't mean 'just get over it' in a flippant sense.
But I do hope they can get past it. I hope that makes sense. That's where the real recovery is and its valuable.

Coming out of it, and hoping the best for others, improves your own self esteem.

I am coming from a point of view of somebody who was both bullied, and did bully, so I do understand the damage.

There are more of us than you would think, but many accept the victim side and reject their own wrong doing.

I understand it, but don't believe everything you are told on the internet.

It is common for an abuser to minimise. It is classic behaviour. I am not surprised some of the bullies on this thread are so quick to forgive themselves. But they would though.

I remember going back to college to brush up on my previous hairdressing skills. Anyway, first time there and who walks in? One of the old bully bitches from school who thought her shit don't stink. She was a co lecturer and dispenser.
Fast forward a few months into the course, I had an awful anxiety attack on the way and literally couldn't focus on the lesson (reason for anxiety attack was unrelated) and stepped outside for a breather to calm down and pull myself together, my tutor come out to chat with me to make sure I was ok etc...
I told her what has caused it and I was glad to be at college because despite still thinking about the issue that made me like that that day, it was better to be there than at home. My tutor then turned round and said "come on chickenwings let's be honest here shall we? We all know that you and Linda (not her real name) have an issue and you know each other from school, the reason you're crying is because you're very insecure and you think Linda is talking about you behind your back"
Nope that wasn't the reason at all! However, that's exactly what Linda was like at school. I guess some people don't change and are just born spiteful.

Aren't something like 4% of the population sociopaths. Obviously they won't change.

Having a moment of schadenfreude when you are confronted with someone who made your life a living hell for a significant time in your formative years makes you neither dick nor bully, just human

There are a number of responses you can have, and to me if it is possible, the ignoring the person is the best one, as it will probably be the one most likely to irritate them. However, that is easy to say given the extent of the unpleasantness and/or bullying that took place.

Today things can be worse for children growing up, as any form of bullying stopped usually when you were out of school, whereas online bullying and any form of unpleasantness can be seven days per week.

I think it's like going NC, sometimes nothing can be gained from contact with a person apart from a load of negativity

Bullies are awful but dont look down on hairdressers, waitresses, shop assistants and the like..its not pleasant.
I was bullied badly and have worked as a waitress and store assistant. I now clean to fund university.

One of my friends is a successful and lovely teacher who recently returned to her home town to care for her ailing mother. She now teaches at the same school where some of the parents with children in her class bullied my friend throughout High School.

I don't know how she does it, especially as two of the children are bullies themselves. Friend is unfailingly polite and professional but she must be raging inside.

chickenwings that tutor is just as bad as the girl who bullied you. What do these people get off on? I hope you have managed to complete the course and out of their petty clutches.