‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

[Stubbornuincorn]

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

I don't agree that the mean girls always end up in low paid, unskilled work, and I don't really like the insinuation. Plenty of lovely people are hairdressers, shop assistants etc.... but I do agree there is a smugness/pleasure in seeing people who treated you horribly not living their best lives.

Primary school bullies I don't really give a shit about. Being a foster child and jumping school to school I may as well have had a target painted on my face. There were two particularly vile girls - and the one doesn't work/seem to do anything, but has just had a child with the local pimp/drug dealer (very smug about that one as she is an equally vile adult). I was also sexually assaulted at primary, the boy who did it tried to add me over FB and sent me a message asking how I was.... I responded telling him I remembered what he did and to leave me alone, he conveniently didn't remember...

As for high school, again bullied for being in care by various. One girl in particular took a dislike to me, was hideous towards me for no reason whatsoever (everyone remembers her being a vile cowbag but she seemed to zone in on me) and this started in primary school. The violent, drug taking, solely nasty girl is now a social worker.... I bumped into her brother earlier this year who I had been friends with (he went to a different school) and he was gushing about her, telling me about how awful school was for her, how she was viciously bullied etc... quickly shut him down and told him about how she made my life hell, absolutely no body else would back her up stories because she was in fact the bully and no one would have dared pick on her through fear.

I can’t help but think people sneering here at low paid roles and rejoicing in the “downfall” of their bullies suffer a lack of insight. There are incredibly sad tales of people being physically bullied with horrifying injuries - but in my experience the type of teenager with the ability to break bones etc, isn’t usually coming from the best of homelives - so it’s not that surprising that they aren’t a top level CEO.

My main bullies a group of about 8 girls 7 had children within a year of leaving school. One turned out lovely but she didn't really bully me but didn't say anything when her friends did. We bumped into each other last year in a city 100's of miles from where I went to school but near where I live now, she's doing really well, seemed happy and I'm glad she is.

The others can all rot for all I care, there wasn't any place in school I felt safe, every day I was verbally and physically bullied, I didn't have a single friend in school and if I didn't have friends outside of school I don't think I'd be here now. We moved from the other side of the country halfway through year 7, I was expelled in year 10 for beating up a year 10 that spat on me (every day) it was the best thing I'd ever did, if I'd of known that's all I had to do I'd of done it years ago. My DM was horrified but my big brother gave me £50

I did sell cigarettes at school, £1 each one think they were about £4 for a pack of 20 then. I'd buy a pack every morning on the way to school and made good money , I felt very poor in college. I have my own business now

the bullies are mostly in professional roles like teachers, lawyers etc.

You would be surprised how many there are in the church sinister. Or maybe not.

I have just privately messaged this to someone - but forgive my arrogance for repeating it here.

The child who is bullied remains bullied all of their life, no matter how well they do, how wealthy they become, how popular they are as adults. Inside - they are frightened child ad it doesn't take much to send them back there.

Kitkatiom's post wasn't the one I replied to - but it was the one that mad emo want to share it. Unless you have been bullied - physically, psychologically - however - you have NO IDEA how dreadful it is, and how long-lasting the effects.

I'm 65. I had a very unhappy childhood and home life, and was also bullied horribly at school. I had no escape. It is only recently that I stopped having nightmares, and stopped flinching if someone suddenly raised their hand to (say) stop a bus. It's horrible. I suffer dreadful depression and suicidal thoughts (though these have lessened, and there is no doubt, as others have also stated, that I have never achieved my potential.

I'm lucky - I have a very supportive husband and he has helped enormously - but even so, I am easily depressed and often feel that I'm not as good as others - intellectually I know I'm as good as the next person - emotionally I feel I'm shit.

Bullying leaves people depressed and emotionally very vulnerable. It is a lifelong feeling. Some people are fortunate enough to overcome it, but I personally believe that for most it is a lifelong struggle to maintain a healthy opinion of ourselves.

And I don't for a moment blame anyone who watches their bully fall over and break both their legs saying "Serves you right, you twat!" I can think of some people I would be delighted to see this happen to (though I couldn't wish ill on their children or pets)

to all have been bullied. It's minimised but I see it as a form of abuse.

I agree, that fight or flight feeling can really linger

Looking at my old school year it seems popularity at school is inversely proportionate to future earning potential.

This thread is horrible. I can't believe the irony of people talking about how they were bullied as kids and now, as grown adults, sneer at people who work in low-paid jobs. Don't you realise you've just turned into a bully yourself? In fact, your behaviour is worse, given that you're a grown adult.

I was bullied horrendously at school. I earn a good salary, but if I worked in a low-paid job and I read this thread I would feel like absolute shit.

You just need to look at our politicians to see that nice is no indication of how good a person you are. Many of the boys who bullied and harassed my mum at school are doing pretty well for themselves now. She, meanwhile, is working in a - gasp! - minimum-wage job. But you know what? I guarantee she's a much better person than many of the posters on this thread who sneer at those who are paid less than them.

A real horrible childhood bully had her child in the same school and same class as mine for the entire time of primary school of my child. I refused to talk to her and she only tried to talk to me once. I pretended she didn’t exist but we ended up with mutual mum friends. I took secret pleasure of hearing she had never actually had a job, had a shit marriage, her kids were unruly and she still looked like Les Dawson with long hair. Her parents were loaded so I think she was still coasting off as she always had but now aged 35. How sad. Her equally horrible horrible brother who was a nasty mean bully to me also keeps friend requesting me on Facebook! I’ve blocked him now but am very pleased to see he went bald at a young age

I agree it’s really about seeing people who thought they were better than everyone else when they were 16 acrually turn out to be nothing particularly special. I don’t agree with the minimum wage job bashing

Ok so not managed to read all the comments but just to clarify this thread was more about asking whether other people still feel intimidated coming across their high school bullies in ‘relaxing’ environments than looking down on certain professions...

I have no idea what happened to the girls that bullied me in school - there were two in particular. One was a queen bee and the other was a hanger-on who followed her lead and did the dirty work.

I have no interest in finding out about them. I've declined every invite for a school reunion as I'd rather chew my own arm off than spend time with these people voluntarily. They bullied me relentlessly from age 10 - 13. I was in boarding school so didn't even have the respite of going home at the end of the day to get away from it.

I have had MH problems all the way through my teens to the current day (age 40). You'll have to forgive me if I can't find it within myself to be concerned about why they bullied me. I realise that they were immature and their neural pathways were still developing - so were mine. And that was little comfort whilst me head was being held in a doorway whilst someone slammed the door shut.

PookieDo

Yes to that.

Honest work is honest work and there is no shame in any of it.

Stubborn

Sorry - the thread has slid into the more a bit, hasn't it?

In answer to your question - I would feel physically sick to encounter some of the people that bullied me. And reading many of these posts, so would a lot of people.

I wasn’t bullied but I was definitely in a nerdy crowd and there were some mean girls who weren’t especially nasty to me but were to my friends. I always smile politely and will engage them in conversation if they start one. I won’t stoop to their (Teenage) level now as an adult.

As much as these stories of bully victims vindicated by later success may warm the heart, statistically people who suffer serious bullying at school have worse outcomes than those that don't, so I do wonder...

I read an interesting study (years ago, no idea where) that compared outcomes of bullies, victims and bully/victims (the largest cohort) and people who were neither.

Bully/victims came out worst, psychological damage occurs from both states, can't remember the order of the other two but also poor.

I was a bully/victim but my life has turned out absolutely fine and happy. I would apologise to a victim if I could remember them (unlikely, as it wasn't actually about them), and have forgiven my bullies ( I do remember them!).

I could meet a victim who thinks I'm 'scuttling off' when the reality might be I do not remember them at all. I just remember I was mean to some people. I could meet a bully who said nothing and I would assume they had simply forgotten me!

I also remember the temptation to believe I was bullied because I was clever and quiet, however in reality I know I had very poor social skills, low resilience and a very poor sense of perspective. This doesn't mean I was to blame, but it does add another element to what went on.

Overall the reflection over the years has only grown me as a person. It was what it was and I am a kind a resilient person now, partly because of everything that happened at school. I'm at peace with the whole thing. I hope some of the people here holding onto some spite and bitterness can let it go. That sounds patronising but I mean it sincerely.

I don't get why we are "just as bad" for I'll wishing our bullies. What other victims are judged for feeling negative towards those who victimised them?

How can saying something on a anonymous Internet forum about someone who bullied you be as bad as the actual physical and mental abuse inflicted by the bully.

Some people really don't understand the harm that they caused

But they're not just making comments about the bully, are they? They're essentially making comments about all people who work in that kind of job.

If someone said, "I bumped into a woman who bullied me as a child and her son was having a meltdown in the middle of the shopping centre, turns out he's autistic. My kids are neurotypical and they're so well-behaved. It was so nice to see her get what she deserves." That wouldn't just be a comment on the bully herself - it would be a comment on autistic people in general.

Don't you realise you've just turned into a bully yourself? In fact, your behaviour is worse, given that you're a grown adult.

This is not the definition of bullying. Bullying is a sustained course of aggressive and/or manipulative behaviour targeting someone weaker than yourself with the intent to cause harm.

Someone typing a few words on an internet forum about how they still dislike someone/think it serves them right them is not a bully. They would be a bully if they tracked them down 20 years later, caused them to lose their job/friends/partner/whatever and then laughed in their faces.

I am astounded people don't see the difference.

Ive read the vast majority of this thread. And while I'm really sorry to those who have been bullied (I was, in fact badly for years).
I now feel quite shit about my jobs. Ive worked in retail for 8 years. I loved my job (worked in a bookstore). It was fun, hard and not boring and unskilled.
I have now left and will be starting a job as a home carer. I'm really excited about it , and think it could be quite rewarding.
Those posters that have been so horrid and dismissive about my jobs. You've essentially just bullied everyone who's worked or works in those jobs.

Good job.

Madeleine, see my post just above yours. Also read the post from Kitkat.

*Kitkat", I'm sorry this thread has made you feel bad about your job. Just ignore them.

I don't think job bashing is nice in of itself.