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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I don’t owe my colleague an apology?

296 replies

Slytherdor · 22/11/2018 09:46

I will start by saying this is very petty, but this woman has form for being irritating, so I’m sticking to my guns where I might normally let it go.

Just to set the scene for you briefly- there’s a TV show I loved a few years back, stopped watching because they killed off a particular character who I thought was essential to why it was so good. I had no urge to watch it without them. (won’t say the show or character in case someone has just started watching!)

Anyway. This morning I was in the kitchen at work making coffee, there were two colleagues in there discussing this show. The first one (hereafter referred to as CC, crazy colleague) had evidently convinced the other colleague (OC) to watch this show, and they were both talking about how great it was. I was minding my own business. Eventually, CC turns to me and says ‘oh Slytherdor, you MUST watch this show.’

I responded that I actually used to love it, but stopped after season X due to the character death. She responds ‘watch season Y’. I again enforced that I didn’t want to due to character death. She goes ‘trust me, watch season Y.’

I am now pretty intrigued, so I say ‘are they not really dead? I will definitely watch it if so!’ she just gives me a weird smile and says again ‘trust me, watch season Y’.

I say ‘are they alive?’ and she again repeats ‘trust me, watch season Y’ with the same weird face. At this point I genuinely can’t tell if the person is still alive, or if she’s just so passionate about this show and trying to get me to watch it. I therefore say ‘are they alive? I’ll watch it if they are alive again, I won’t if they aren’t.’ her response?

‘trust me, watch season Y’.

I’m now starting to get pretty irritated. I don’t want to be forced into watching this show just because she thinks I should, and the fact that I am politely asking over and again and getting the same line back is annoying me.

I say ‘I have no interest in watching if they aren’t alive CC, but I defo will if they are. Are they?’

‘trust me, watch season Y’

SAME WEIRD SMILE.

I then say ‘look, I will literally watch it tonight if they are, just tell me.’

‘trust me, watch season Y’

So I just shrug. ‘I’ll leave it, then. But I agree it was a great show.’

I turn back to my coffee, and she goes ‘TRUST ME SLYTHERDOR, WATCH SEASON Y’.

The OC laughs a little nervously and says ‘you will want to watch….’

CC cuts her off shrieking ‘spoilers!!!’

I laugh a bit. ‘it’s ok, I asked to be spoiled, I specifically want to know as I would be frustrated to watch it and waste my time if they aren’t alive. Are they?’

‘trust me, watch season Y’.

Oh man, I was so annoyed by now. So I get out my phone. ‘that’s fine, I’ll just google it. Thanks for the heads up.’

She then KNOCKS THE PHONE OUT OF MY HAND and shrieks ‘no, spoilers!!!!!’

I was aghast, and so angry that she had not only hit me (lightly tbf) but also knocked my phone on the ground. I said ‘are you serious? I can’t even spoil it for myself? I want to know!’

She says ‘why can’t you just trust me!’ and I say ‘because I can’t tell if they are alive or you are just trying to make me watch it, and I really don’t want to waste my time.’

She literally glares at me. So I laugh a little, pick up my coffee and leave. She makes this weird growling, shrieking, frustrated noise as I walk off- very bizarre.

Anyway, just now, I got an IM from OC. ‘don’t tell CC I told you, but they are alive!’

By this point I have googled it, but I am still grateful to her for telling me so I say I am very thankful to her and assure her I will watch, we discuss the show a bit.

I then say ‘that was so weird, why wouldn’t she just tell me’.

She replies ‘I know, she gets very passionate about it. She was upset you didn’t trust her, but she’ll be fine if you apologise.’

I’m like, what? I’m not apologising! She hit me!

She’s just said ‘I know, that was crazy. She won’t let it go if you don’t though.’

I replied that I don’t particularly care if she won’t let it go, I am not apologising for asking to know what happens in a TV show.

She just replied ‘fair enough’ with a smile emoji, and that’s that.

I clearly think this woman is insane and have no wish to apologise to her for this whole scenario. I find the whole thing very childish but I really resent the idea that I owe her an apology, especially since she hit me on the hand. However, the fact that OC suggested I apologise is making me question myself.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
BlancheM · 22/11/2018 13:47

Sly yes but something along the lines of my suggestion is ideal for dealing with difficult people. A quick 'I've got it', then brush off.
By not 'bending to her will' rather than having some sort of triumph, all you achieved was getting yourself all wound up.

ClarabellaCTL · 22/11/2018 13:47

The only unreasonable thing I can see is that you thought this was significant enough to create a thread about! If she's that bonkers ignore her. If you can't ignore her, you're just as bonkers.

JellieEllie · 22/11/2018 13:53

I laughed so much at this 🤣🤣

NitrousOxide · 22/11/2018 13:56

I get it, OP. She’s already got a reputation for causing trouble and she’s the kind of person to say “Trust me, watch season Y” even if that character was still dead, yeah? So you felt you couldn’t trust her so you asked for clarification and she just kept playing mind games. Sometimes it’s hard to walk away from people like that even if it’s better for your sanity.

Keep that email thread btw where OC acknowledges that CC hit you. Just in case CC decides to escalate if you don’t apologise. She sounds like the sort who’d do that.

Pebblespony · 22/11/2018 13:58

Don't worry OP. He came out of the shower and it turns out it was all a dream.

ZenNudist · 22/11/2018 13:59

Waaaay too much time on your hands

AcrossthePond55 · 22/11/2018 14:00

No, you don't owe her an apology. For what, googling the show?

But honestly, I would have stopped after the second time I asked and she said "Trust me, watch it!". I would have shrugged, said "Whatever, I'll google it" and walked away. I had a similar colleague and that's what I did whenever she tried to hold me 'hostage' to a piece of celebrity gossip or twist in a movie/show I asked about. The bonkers thing was that she would be the first one to 'spoil' if she happened to overhear someone saying "Oh, don't talk about XXX, I haven't seen it yet!!".

Sewrainbow · 22/11/2018 14:07

I'd have disengaged long before, certainly wouldn't apologise now....

PumpkinKitty82 · 22/11/2018 14:09

Fucking hell .. really?

UpstartCrow · 22/11/2018 14:12

No you don't owe her an apology, she's batshit enough to knock your phone out of your hand and demand an apology.
OC is her flying monkey so watch your back around them.

Slytherdor · 22/11/2018 14:21

@Nina92 I'm glad we understand each other. let's sit next to each other at the mumsnet Christmas party.

@BlancheM 100% agree with you, I am not declaring myself to have taken the high road at all. I couldn't help myself, and next time my intention will be to roll my eyes and leave. Can't promise to do it everytime but I will pick my battles.

@NitrousOxide beautifully put, that's it exactly. Good shout on the email thread- it was an IM chat box that I've since closed, but I've checked and it's saved in my conversation history so I've stored it!

@AcrossthePond55 that's what I should have done, but it was first thing in the morning, I hadn't had my coffee yet and she riled me. I will off course learn from this and next time the tinkly laugh will make an appearance.

@UpstartCrow OC was in the kitchen again over lunch, she said my drink smelt nice and asked what it was. I am understandably suspicious she is fishing for dirt for her master.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 22/11/2018 14:22

I would have taken her” trust me “ to mean yes, you get what you want, they are alive”. I imagine she thought you would too.

I’m with Newt Scarmander on working in an office.

WitchesBritches · 22/11/2018 14:28

Ok. So after your OP I thought I might have to bury you under the patio...but actually, I think that after your updates...I quite like you now 🤣

...the hole is dug though, so feel free to make use of it. Maybe sure others at work will help you!

Ilovetea33 · 22/11/2018 14:31

So what was your drink?

Slytherdor · 22/11/2018 14:43

@WitchesBritches I'm happy to be upgraded from 'dead under the patio' Grin It had occurred to me also that if word gets around, I may end up being the go to person to object next time she does something. Not sure I feel too sad about this.

@Ilovetea33 I see you OC...........

I jest. I was drinking this.

www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/drink-me-spiced-chai-250g-6819821-p-44

It is quite delicious. OC has terrible taste in work friends but excellent taste in beverage scents.

OP posts:
Ilovetea33 · 22/11/2018 14:56

Haha, thanks. Reading the reviews, it unfortunately seems like it might be too sweet for me.

scarlettoftheseas · 22/11/2018 15:14

Slytherdor

She thought Young Bill and Donna had sex on the way to the island. I said their first time was after he comes back when Sam leaves - my evidence being that it shows the build up/morning after for the other guys whereas no indication on journey to island. It makes us laugh now... although we still stick to our original sides Wink

Please count me in on the camp of enjoying petty drama! I'm the same where I just wanna keep poking the bear. And funnily enough, I still manage to live a normal and full life. One of the things I miss about office life is the 'pointless' dramas

TwentyThousandWoks · 22/11/2018 16:34

Hahaha have just finished reading TFT on a boring coach trip, what a rollercoaster! Thought you were super petty originally OP, but am loving your follow ups! CC sounds like a nightmare!

WitchesBritches · 22/11/2018 18:11

I may end up being the go to person to object next time she does something. Not sure I feel too sad about this

Oh you’ll have to update the thread. I look forward to hearing more about Her Batshitness 😂

I may well send my iPad down the hole with her. It keeps taking perfectly normal sentences and making up complete gibberish in their place. Maybe it needs a sweet tea too...

Mookie81 · 22/11/2018 23:22

Butchy I'm well aware it's Jane the Virgin thank you.
My comment still applies.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 22/11/2018 23:27

Criminal Minds where they get rid of Hotchner?

after the actor who played him assaulted a member of the production crew

Beatrixinvogue · 23/11/2018 17:27

At the very beginning, I would have just smiled and agreed with her and then ignored her advice. She doesn't sound like someone worthy of much engagement.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 23/11/2018 17:28

I can’t imagine being so bothered by it that I would write this really long post.
If I’m not genuinely sorry then I don’t apologise.

Fairyhill · 23/11/2018 17:31

After the second just trust me watch Y.. I d have said fk off carol! 🤣

thejustine · 23/11/2018 17:32

I can't believe I just wasted my time reading this.