To be pissed off that DH pissed the bed

[onlygirlinthehome]

It's not the first time and most likely the last and I'm raging I was the first time and have been every time.
He did it again last night he went out for a few drinks so I had our DS in our bed so he didn't disturb me when he got home as I'm not too well at the moment so he slept in our sons bed and he again pissed the bed I woke up at 4am to the washing machine going so ok at least he has made the effort to sort it out but that's not my point it's still gone into the new mattress.

Yep, he should waste a doctor's time because the thing that causes the wetting in his case is a drinking binge.

My ex h did this Xmas day night,I spent a lot of time boxing day sorting it out!

@onlygirl you should have just stood in front of a mirror and asked yourself this question. You would have given yourself the only part of the answer you’re interested in receiving which is “no YANBU”

I’m amazed that you thought dropping a bomb like “he’s done it seven or eight times in the last few years wasn’t going to result in incredulity or outrage. At the end of the day he might be a good dad and husband but he’s drinking to the point where he pisses himself. That’s gross. He needs to ensure that this never happens again due to him drinking or YABU for overlooking too it seems to me.

Nobody is saying that he pissed the bed deliberately. They are saying that it is disgusting that a grown man gets drunk to the extent that he does this, especially if he doesn't learn from the first time and repeats the incident.

Nobody is saying either that your house is disgusting. Your DP's behaviour, on the other hand, IS disgusting.

I have been with my DH for around 35 years, married for 25. This has never happened once. By your logic it would have been OK for it to happen once a year. So 35 times. No!!!! Not at all!!

I could accept if someone became ill that accidents may happen. Some steps can be taken to contain these as others have already mentioned.

A person who pisses in inappropriate places around the house would get no sympathy from me. I just couldn't put up with it.

His behaviour is unacceptable to most people, you getting so defensive is odd frankly. If my DH did this I'd be disgusted and if he'd done it more than once it would be a real issue for me, especially as it's in your child's bed. No my DH isn't perfect but he doesn't repeatedly urinate himself because he drinks. Is that really what you want your child growing up with. I wouldn't.

Dont all talk at once.......""""No, no they really don't. Lots of people don't do that and if you do, you've got a real problem with handling drink and probably shouldn't do it. Unless of course, you're fine with being a disgusting slattern."""""""

Excuse me. How dare you.
Your clearly just a key board warrior, like alot of people on here

For your information.
I dont drink. And i dont wet myself.

But i know 4 people that do.

Most people would not admit this information so thats why people dont think others do it.

Excuse me. How dare you.
Your clearly just a key board warrior, like alot of people on here

Oh, dear. Please, please, try to take a punctuation course once you are finished slinging what you consider to be insults . You know four people who wet the bed when they drink too much, therefore, 'lots' of people do this, IYO, your powers of deduction need fine-tuning.

At any rate, I would not put up with someone who pisses the bed after drinking too much, in fact, I dumped someone immediately for that and had actually never encountered such a pathetic slattern for a drunk up until the time I met him. That doesn't necessarily make me a 'keyboard warrior' because that implies I wouldn't drop someone who did this in real life, which, in fact, I have.

It's a low-rent, trashy thing to do and someone who does this shouldn't drink as he/she cannot handle their drink.

I spoke to him briefly when he got home as I got up for a wee (oh the irony) he seemd fine hardly drunk at all he wasn't staggering all over the place. He wasn't slurring his words. Every body jumping on the he is a alcoholic band wagon. Maybe it's something else we have a few things going on and the others times he did it was the same.

So why are you even asking then if you’re just going to make excuses for him?
Let him crack on pissing in your poor kids bed and in your hallway.
Gross

Well, then, OP, crack on apologising and minimising for your husband .

@LondonLassInTheCountry I find it interesting that you are so utterly repulsed by the insinuation that you do this - considering that you deemed it fairly normal behaviour.

Couple of things: you know staggering around and slurring around aren’t the only indications of a drink problem, yes?
Posters listing medical reasons for pissing the bed - these might be the case if the DH was doing it as well when sober, but as far as we know he’s not.
An amazing dad and husband doesn’t piss the bed after drinking. Once, maybe, but never repeated. That’s my opinion and I’m pretty happy with my line in the sand there.

If you think it is an ok thing for your DH to do, why post here about it???

You don't think your DH is disgusting for peeing in the bed? What else would you call it?

PS There'[s no point shouting at us, we didn't pee in your child's bed

MinorRSole and dontalltalkatonce

I already said i know 4 people who do it.
So based on that.
I think it is more common that people think.

Its not something people are going to admit too

I dont do it, as i said, i dont drink and even if i did, it would be fuck all to do with either of you.

Saying about someones Punctuation is also getting so boring and is frankly just rude.

Keyboard warriors, yes as most people on here wouldnt dream to say what they say on here in real life as they are scared they will get a whack.

Anyway, hope you both have a lovely day and neither of you get a real life slap for being so rude

1. Could be start of prostate issues, he should go to doc and get himself checked
2. Six pints isn’t a huge amount of alcohol, but it is a large amount of liquid. He could think of cutting back by switching to a drink that is less in volume for same effect e.g. wine, spirits, stronger beer in a bottle
3. If he goes out regularly (e.g. once a week or more), it might be that six pints is just too much alcohol for him now and he should consider cutting back. If he can’t cut back, or consider it, he’s got a problem.

Only on mn have I come across people pissing themselves, I don't think it's common at all!

That's because people don't talk about it IRL! My DH once (and thankfully only once) got drunk, walked around the bed and pissed on it, with me still inside. He blames the mixture of alcohol and antibiotics but still finds it the most humiliating experience of his life. Needless to say, we don't discuss it in polite company, so while you might not come across it, it DOES go on.

Onlygirl Alcoholics don't necessarily stagger around slurring words. I think you know deep down he has a serious addiction and you're very scared and upset enough to post on here for help.
I've seen many a people at end stage alcoholism and it's a horrible death. He needs professional help and I suggest you attend an Al-Anon meeting.

But also, if he only goes out infrequently, once a month or something, he probably doesn’t have an alcohol problem.

It could be a sign of something physical starting to go wrong. Or like you say, if he’s psychologically stressed/preoccupied, maybe alcohol affects him differently then. Then he could think about different ways of coping with stress so it doesn’t get to that point.

Six pints is twelve units. A binge.
It’s not normal to get so drunk you can’t manage to pee in a toilet.
I couldn’t live with someone who makes a habit of either of those things.

OP

Two major things for me:

Your DH pisses bed when drunk on regular basis and yes, 7 times in 7 years is "regular basis". I was an alcoholic and that was the first sign of me having issues with alcohol and it would happen occasionally. I kept drinking so much I pissed the bed twice in 6 months and my then partner left me because of that. Funnily enough I stopped drinking pretty much immediately (that was 7 years ago). NB. I was a "functioning alcoholic" if such thing exists and I didn't drink every day. But when I drank, no control whatsoever.

More importantly, when you try to address it, he "flies off the handle" in your own words - majorly not okay as indicates aggression. This aggression is triggered by shame. Shame because he knows it's absolutely not on but won't acknowledge it because he doesn't want to face the facts. The facts are: he's drinks to excess so that he pisses the bed regularly and then uses aggression to shut his partner up. Not good.

I don't advocate LTB on a whim. But if you cannot talk about this to him because he intimidates you into silence then you've years of bed wetting ahead of you and shutting you up on it.

Waterproof mattress cover can fix the wet bed. Won't fix the part where he shuts you down though.

Keyboard warriors, yes as most people on here wouldnt dream to say what they say on here in real life as they are scared they will get a whack.

Only if they hang out with low life thugs . That's not the sort of company I keep, personally, wouldn't want to even know people who would respond to someone saying they don't like with physical assault because, well, that would mean you hang out with criminals. No, thanks.

My ex did this. It started off happening every now and again after he'd been drinking but by the time I left him it was happening every time he drank alcohol. He was a functioning alcoholic so drinking heavily every day so I was waking up every day in a piss covered bed. He also had form for pissing anywhere and everywhere when drunk- once in the fridge and once in a girl's knee high boots as she was wearing them (in the middle of a crowded bar). It was bloody disgusting. That, along with the addictions to gambling, drugs, anal sex/porn and generally being an absolute abusive piece of shit, make me so glad I finally left him.

I shared a tent and a double blow up mattress (separate sleeping bags)with a friend once, at a festival. I woke up to find I was lying in a pool of her pee. She wasn't mortified at all, just laughed and said it often happened when she had been drinking. I was horrified, and ended up washing the pee off with babywipes (she turned the mattress over and went back to sleep) and sleeping on someone's groundsheet wrapped in an assortment of blankets and coats. Even when we were taking the tents down after the festival, she wasn't embarrassed at the pee stained mattress.

We were both early 20's then. It still makes me shudder even now, a couple of decades on.

If somebody is a very deep sleeper it's completely possible to wet the bed from drinking without having 'a drinking problem'. My partner sleeps like the dead and even when he hasn't been drinking I often find him at night trying to find the loo but half asleep/half awake, he'll be scrabbling in the corner trying to find the door on the other side of the room or opening the skylights thinking it's morning. He won't remember it at all in the morning, he's not sleepwalking, but he's definitely not fully awake. One time he had 3 pints and peed on the floor but I know he just wasn't awake enough to realise he was doing it, it wasn't that he was so drunk he lost control of himself. He very rarely drinks a lot, but I can fully imagine that he might wet the bed if he drank as much as 6 pints but again, it wouldn't be because he had 'lost control of his bladder'.

@onlygirlinthehome Eesh, the wrath of Mumsnet has been turned on you! I get why you came on here, you just wanted to vent about how hacked off you were but people have turned it into a 'he is disgusting and has a drinking problem, LTB' kind of issue which you're feeling the need to explain/defend him from. It's kind of understandable that people are making that assumption, but I understand why you're feeling under attack!

You are completely within your rights to feel hacked off, but I think the only way to approach this is with a calm conversation rather than ripping his head off. Does he generally drink a lot or is it just on the odd occasion? (6 pints IS quite a lot no matter what way you look at it.)