To be pissed off that DH pissed the bed

[onlygirlinthehome]

It's not the first time and most likely the last and I'm raging I was the first time and have been every time.
He did it again last night he went out for a few drinks so I had our DS in our bed so he didn't disturb me when he got home as I'm not too well at the moment so he slept in our sons bed and he again pissed the bed I woke up at 4am to the washing machine going so ok at least he has made the effort to sort it out but that's not my point it's still gone into the new mattress.

Sd = stepdad maybe?

It only happens when he's had too much to drink. It's not medical, it's alcoholic.

My ex husband did this twice, first time I didn’t say much, 2nd time I went crazy and after that he never drank again.

One thing I have really noticed is that people on MN love to tell people they have a drinking problem. What does 'drinking problem' even mean? There is absolutely no evidence from what the OP has said this man is an alcoholic. Or even drinks more than once a year. Obviously the wetting the bed when drunk is a problem - which could sensibly be solved by not drinking - but I don't think you can extrapolate from the evidence given by the OP there her husband has a 'drinking problem.'

His Christmas present needs to be adult nappies....

One thing I have really noticed is that people on MN love to tell people they have a drinking problem. What does 'drinking problem' even mean?

Seems to me that pissing the bed when he's been drinking would be the absolute definition of 'a drinking problem'.

What does 'drinking problem' even mean?

When you drink so much you piss the bed .

I'm a long term sober alcoholic. Back when I started getting into serious trouble with my drinking I was always pissing the bed. It's where the expression "getting pissed" comes from. It was horrible. So degrading.

OP, if your DH starts doing this regularly it's a sign that he's drinking far too much. I would describe it as a red flag for a booze problem.

@dashitauntagatha you don't think drink induced incontinence constitutes a drinking problem? When experience tells you that you can't control yourself when you're drunk but you continue to allow yourself to get in the same state - does that not sound like a problem?

I think the real problem is that people under estimate exactly what a drinking problem is, they make light of it ("oh he/she does like a drink"). The Uk has a big problem with binge drinking and the resulting anti social behaviour. An 'obvious' alcoholic is only one type of alcoholic and people who aren't like that assume they don't have a problem when that may not be the case.

To me a ‘drink problem’ is any amount of alcohol when it affects your health and wellbeing as well as that of your family, friends or work colleagues. It doesn’t matter if it was 1 pint or 6 because your DH’s bladder can’t cope with it. He is drinking too much.

Is he capable of just having one drink or not drinking at all on a night out?

So from all this you all think I should end my marriage. Again he doesn't have a drink problem and SD is my step dad. He is not an alcoholic I'm not a soft touch twat for allowing it he has always been incredibly embarrassed always cleaned it up his self. The mattress isn't stained or wet as I had Asda pads on it which I had forgot about. It truly amazing how many independent women are on here o who will end their marriage at the drop of a hat. Maybe I was looking for some sort of help not run down near abuse

I'm just saying if someone binge drinks once a year (and we don't know that he drinks any more than that based on what the OP has said) can hardly be said to have a problem with alcohol. Obviously he has a bladder sensitivity to alcohol and the best way to avoid future mishaps is to avoid alcohol. But to say the problem itself is an alcohol problem implies that there is a degree of alcohol dependence and there's no evidence for that based on what the OP has said (of course that may be the case but we don't know). I think people jumping to conclusions is what has angered the OP a bit and that's all I'm saying. I don't expect to convince many people here of this though!

What help do you want?

Oh well op, it's your bed of piss, I will leave you to lie in it.
Not sure why you're so angry though, presumably because you don't want to admit he has a drinking problem.
I don't think many people suggested leaving him - but he does need to sort himself out.

Oh cross posted with OP - hugs OP - I get where you are coming from. I can understand why you are so angry at him for choosing to sleep in your son's bed when he knows this is a possibility. I think you need to have a chat with him about how to avoid this happening again in the future whether that be abstinence or just a practical solution - but maybe wait til he's calmed down a bit as he's probably mortified.

Why are you posting then?
It sounds completely gross and of course people will say that
But the mattress is ok now?
Ok well go for it

Binge drinking and alcohol dependency are totally different forms of alcohol abuse - you are confusing the 2.

I have been married for 20 years and my dh has NOT DONE THIS ONCE. He used to be more of a drinker than he is now we are in our 60s and broke. He's more likely to piss the bed because he's old, these days, as am I!

If your dh pisses the bed it is an indication that something is wrong. If he's drunk 6 pints i would say that's a problem, but you disagree, so he should see a gp and have some tests.

But I bet he had some swift halves or shorts whenever he went to the bar which your SD has no idea about.

Incompletely agree with dash. I mean getting drunk and having a hangover is a “problem” related to drink. It doesn’t mean you have a drinking problem. Ditto falling over and hurting yourself, vomiting, etc etc. These are generally side effects of heavy drinking, not the definition of “drinking problem” you’re referring to

People are trying to help you OP. He needs to help himself and you by not drinking more than a couple of pints if he can't control his bladder with more. If he was so embarrassed and apologetic about it then he wouldn't let it happen more than once. 7 times is 7 times more than most people!

MinorRsole I think you are confusing a binge drinking disorder with an occasional binge. Does everybody who has ever got drunk (ie had a binge drink) have an 'alcohol problem'?!

1.get a new mattress, him to pay
2.he's disgusting

I'm not confusing anything. Op has admitted to at least 6 times where her partner has got so drunk he loses bladder control. This is not a one off, it's a long term problem spanning at least 7 years.

Bottom line is : being so drunk you piss in your kids bed is a huge bloody problem.

No, OP, most people aren’t in partnerships where their DH pisses the bed after a night out, even once... unless they have a drink problem. Everyone has a tipping point and this may well not be yours. As long as he’s embarrassed and clears up, that’s ok??? You’ve received help here but it’s not what you’ve wanted to hear, hence your disgruntlement. It’s not normal to piss the bed as an adult after a night out. It really isn’t. It’s indicative of a drink problem however you try to minimise it.
Good luck OP.

OP - if you pissed yourself when you drank, would you continue to do it?

I haven't seen loads of LTB on this thread - loads of OMG how vile, he needs to stop. If he cannot or will not stop drinking, then you have to accept he has a drinking problem, and you take it from there.

Many of us have much higher standards than you of what we would be prepared to accept, and that appears to be making you more angry than your DH pissing the bed