Restricted by days DSD is here...

[QueQue]

I have a 4 week old baby.

Also have a DSD who is here one weekday every week and every other weekend Friday-Sunday.

Husband wants me to never arrange something on these days because it prevents DSD from seeing her sibling.

I haven't arranged anything for the past 4 weeks on these days, and I try my best not to, but next week I have an appointment on the weekday evening. It's not an essential appointment but it's something I do regularly and it's the only day available for 2 weeks.

I've booked it.

DH thinks I'm cruel because DSD will now not see her sibling for a week.

I don't know what to do. I've avoided making appointments for the past 4 weeks, I've not had visitors on these days. They've been dedicated solely to DSD. Surely I need to have a life though and can OCCASIONALLY do something on these days?

Or AIBU?

Mirri once! One time!!

from the OP:

Surely I need to have a life though and can OCCASIONALLY do something on these days

sometimes, as the OP has found out, some things have to happen on a certain date. Her DP should not be making her feel shit because this happens - it's life! I have no doubt that there will be times when the DSD has a party or somesuch she wants to attend in this family time - would you stop her from doing that?

the result is a young girl missing out on family time that she really enjoys

No, the result is that the young girl gets to spend one on one time with her father with his undivided attention which is really very important every now and again. Sure she may be initially disappointed her sibling isn't around but if her Dad used this opportunity to do something special and fun with her I'm sure she'd get over it very quickly and likely appreciate the time with her father in the end.

OPs husband needs to put a positive spin on the situation and do something nice with his daughter just the two of them because the situation doesn't arise very often. He can make this a positive for her if he chooses to.

exactly. This child needs one on one time without her stepmother and the baby being there more than ever.
Being all together as a happy family is purely the dads fantasy. Nothing is going to happen to that child because her stepmother nips out for a couple of hours for her hair appointment

I really don't understand why this is still being discussed. The DSD will have to get over the crushing and debilitating desolation of not seeing the baby this time. If at 8/9 she can't get over disappointment at this level how on earth is she going to manage in later life!

Rolling my eyes now - it’s not a decision between the OP being their with DS or this little girl being fed locked in the cellar.

Yes she would enjoy seeing the baby. I bet she would also enjoying being taken to the cinema or soft play by her dad. She’s 8. She will be able to get excited about going out with her dad instead of seeing the baby for those couple of hours between the time she gets there after school and the time she gets picked up to go home. She will survive, goodness gracious.

Mirri seriously? The OP's hair is clearly a bit of a hassle with a new baby right now. So she seeks a solution (getting it braided), only it turns out her braider is only available on the day DSD comes over. So rather than commit the heinous crime of disappointing her DSD once (though DSD gets one-to-one dad time instead which you'd hope would be a good thing, give that it must be pretty thin on the ground right now), the OP should continue with the hassle of her hair rather than getting it sorted.

Wow, she really does need to completely submit to her DSD, doesn't she?

worth the disappointment it causes her DH and DSD

It really need not cause such severe disappoinment to her DH or her DSD. I can guarantee, if her Dad makes the effort to show this in a positive light, the 8 year old will be over it in 10 minutes. It really isn't as big of a deal as people are making out.

DSD is missing out on one day out of her entire life of being a sibling. It really really really isn't that huge.

Mountain out of a molehill or what.

Not being able to leave an EBF newborn for 3 hours is only playing the breastfeeding card if you're as thick as pigshit.

"breastfeeding card" - nasty, ridiculous comment...

4-week BF baby needs to be with mum.

8yo gets to spend time with dad.

Maybe promise to do something special at the w/e to make up for the lost time with baby sibling.

^This I'd agree with. And on those occasions, I think it needs to be very carefully considered as to whether the event OP wants to go to is worth the disappointment it causes her DH and DSD.
In this case, the OP thinks yes, and that's her prerogative. I'm not surprised her DH is disappointed in her though - I also don't think she's got her priorities right.
That's what she's asked for opinions about, and that's my answer.*

Utter bilge. I really, I can't believe anyone actually thinks like this. I think it's a GF. Or maybe a very bitter first wife.

DSD will have many disappointments in her life. The sooner she learns the world doesn't revolve around her the better. Her father needs to get a grip.

I think it's a GF. Or maybe a very bitter first wife.

One of those is correct

good grief.

I think DSD can cope for one time with just her dad. Your DS isn't a toy for her to play with.

Go get your hair done, take DS and enjoy the chill out without DSD and DP

@JellieEllie, I can't see any post where OP has suggested her baby is a girl?

I must say, OP, it's singularly inappropriate for your husband to accuse you of being cruel to his daughter. The reason this situation arises is that he chose to separate from her mother. He may have good reasons for that, but it was a decision which will have caused infinitely more hurt to his daughter than missing out on seeing her sibling for a couple of hours on one occasion.

Jellie I often change the sex of people I’m talking about on MN to hide who I am (so sometimes I have a sister, sometimes a brother etc). I don’t think it has to mean the OP is a troll, better to report to MNHQ if you have a concern.