Restricted by days DSD is here...

[QueQue]

I have a 4 week old baby.

Also have a DSD who is here one weekday every week and every other weekend Friday-Sunday.

Husband wants me to never arrange something on these days because it prevents DSD from seeing her sibling.

I haven't arranged anything for the past 4 weeks on these days, and I try my best not to, but next week I have an appointment on the weekday evening. It's not an essential appointment but it's something I do regularly and it's the only day available for 2 weeks.

I've booked it.

DH thinks I'm cruel because DSD will now not see her sibling for a week.

I don't know what to do. I've avoided making appointments for the past 4 weeks, I've not had visitors on these days. They've been dedicated solely to DSD. Surely I need to have a life though and can OCCASIONALLY do something on these days?

Or AIBU?

How she feeds her baby isn’t relevant. She doesn’t need to go out on the night her step daughter is around, she’s choosing too and derailing the thread with the fact she can’t leave her son as she’s breastfeeding.

How dare you be so rude?

This is so frustrating to read! Your baby is 4 weeks old and ebf and if you're not ready to leave him, then that's completely ok! I wouldn't have left my ebf babies either at that age!
Your DSD will be fine, life doesn't stop when you have a baby, and she'll see him at the weekend - you having some time for some self care is so important at this point.
Go and get your hair done and enjoy someone doing something lovely for you.
The world won't stop and DSD won't breakdown from one day.
Enjoy your baby. They grow far too quickly! X

@Bertram You don't know what the appointment is! Lots of health clinics only run on a certain day of the week, lots of beauty professionals may work part time and be booked solid in December....

YANBU

You shouldn't put your life on hold because SD is coming. Also as people said she might benefit from some alone time with her father in the house.

Don't cancel..you will set a precedent..

Ghosts... she’s said it’s for her hair....

I’d print a new picture of the baby for her and a note saying he’s sorry he will miss you but can’t wait to do X together on Friday.

And honestly, ignore some of these posters making out you're in the wrong 🙄

OP is trying so hard to come across as super mummy without realising she’s also coming across as the wicked step mother!

OP is trying so hard to come across as super mummy without realising she’s also coming across as the wicked step mother!

She is really not..you are projecting your issues on her..

@BertramKibbler you do realise that when booking an appointment it's essential that the person carrying out the appt is also free? I can't just turn up whatever day I please?

And yes, it's 100% because I'm breastfeeding. I had to overcome numerous hurdles in order to breastfeed. I had breast cancer 3 years ago and am absolutely intending on using my breasts for what they're meant for, god forbid I end up unwell again and have to have extensive surgery. It's not a card. I'm a mother doing what's best for me and my baby.

@MirriVan that absolutely was not me!

If this is the only appointment available would DSD's mum be flexible in terms of when she comes to you just for that occasion or is that not something that would be possible?

Yanbu, life has to happen, if dh is so concerned he could ask if dsd can stay over perhaps?

And no way does op come across as a wicked step mother how totally ridiculous

@BertramKibbler you clearly have issues.

BertramKibbler
OP is trying so hard to come across as super mummy without realising she’s also coming across as the wicked step mother!

My children had a wicked stepmother, so I know the signs, and wanting to get a hairdo isn't one of them. The OP has a tiny new baby, she's breast feeding, she's entitled to go and have her hair done if she wants to. Her DH will ruin the relationship between OP and and DSD if he insists on restricting the OP's normal life to suit the DSD.

Why are women expected to suit everyone else in the world all the time, no matter what stress they have in their own life? Tell your DH to feck off.

She doesn’t need to go out on the night her step daughter is around, she’s choosing to

No, it's not an absolute need but it's the only appointment available for at least two weeks. The mother of a four week old baby is entitled not to want two weeks' unnecessary postponement of something that will make her life easier.

Anyone here with Afro hair willing to explain how box braids when you have newborn can be absolutely life changing?!

I would have thought your DSD may appreciate some alone time with her dad. YANBU.

You really mustn't give in to this emotional blackmail. It's setting the dangerous precedent that your family life will be dictated by DSD and your DH

Ignore him and just go. He'll get over it

This.

If you read the step parent boards here at MN you will see that the biological mums are all very against the step mum doing any kind of parenting and they feel that the father should be spending that time with their child and not with step siblings.

So get on with your own life and make sure that you don’t do any parenting for your step child at weekends as well. This is your DH place and he needs to step up.

You are not responsible for the contact arrangements your DH has made with his ex. If the child can cope with not seeing her dad all the time she can cope with not seeing a random baby she has only met for a few times and just happens to share genes with her. Realistically, small babies are extremely boring and most children will be fed up after 5 mins anyway.

If your DH wanted to see his child more ( and thus for her to see the baby more ) he would be asking for 50:50. That’s his choice but there are consequences and he has to live with them.

So start as you mean to go on and leave your Dh to care for his child. He doesn't get to control your life for 10 days a month. His daughter is having contact with HIM not you.

If your husband can’t put his newborn BF baby’s need to be with his mum above his own needs to play “ happy families “ then he’s not a great dad at all.

And if he’s trying to control your life for 10 days a month then he’s not a great partner either.

It might be nice for DSD to get dad to herself for a bit. I've no doubt she loves her new brother, but 1:1 time is special too

I am a step-daughter. I would actively have wanted my step-mother out the house when I saw my Dad. Cannot imagine having any interest whatsoever in a step-sibling who didn't live with me.

My DD3 arrived when my DD1 and DD2 were 9 and 10. At 4 weeks they were also pretty pleased to see the back of her.

Being overly blunt to emphasise how weird your circumstance appears to me.

YANBU and given your step-daughter's current gravitation towards you I would say your DP needs to work on building his 1-1 relationship with her so that she doesn't feel his love / approval is dependent on her acceptance of you and the new baby.

And if he’s trying to control your life for 10 days a month then he’s not a great partner either.

^^ this

He's being controlling.