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I don’t want DD to change her name.
372

LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

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MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 20/11/2018 16:52

Rosy/Rosie, Rosa, Rosetta, Roseanne, Rosanna, Rosemary, Rosamund, Rosalind, Rosalie, and Rosetta.

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newtothisriver · 20/11/2018 16:52

I changed my name when I was about 24. I wanted to do it when I was 10 but my mother hit me with her 'heartbreak and disappointment' so I didn't feel brave enough even when i turned 18.

By the time I was 24 I realised that actually, it wasn't about her, so decided to ignore her misplaced emotional blackmail.

Yes she gave me a name that she liked. But then I grew from a baby into an independently thinking child then adult. My need to be comfortable in myself eventually trumped my need to please her.

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/11/2018 16:57

I doubt she will want to change it Rosa, Rosalie etc she wants something current.
Which is a shame as Ava and Evie are ten a penny. Much prefer Rose.

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diddl · 20/11/2018 17:00

If Op's daughter doesn't like Rose, would she even want a variation of it?

I'm sure she could easily come up with one if she did!

I much prefer the name Ava!

Funnily enough I think of Rose as really old fashioned.

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ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 20/11/2018 17:05

@HollowTalk yes but only with the parents' permission.

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Blobby10 · 20/11/2018 17:05

I spent my younger years - probably from the age of 6 to 13 - desperate to be called Caroline instead of my name which was quite uncommon in those days but couldn't be shortened in a nice way! I wanted Caroline because all the girls I knew called Caroline were popular which I felt at the time was only due to the fact that her name could be shortened to Caz which felt like the epitome of cool to me!

So glad my mum just nodded and smiled (and made me feel guilty for even questioning her choice of name but thats another thread!)

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TheBigBangRocks · 20/11/2018 17:06

I'd let mine changed if they asked and it wasn't something outrageous or silly that would affect their career etc as adults.

Rose is an old fashioned name for a teen nowadays and she obviously feels quite strong about it. Her name, her choice for me.

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Melamin · 20/11/2018 17:08

I never liked my name, but couldn't ever come up with a better one. My middle name is dull. So I just stuck with it.

I would get her to try out the new one for a while until some unspecified vague time in the future. Just make sure she does not box herself in by changing it now and then not wishing to lose face by going back on it. It is easier to decide when you are older and go to a sixth form college or uni away from the usual peer group, and your name is less of an issue.

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ErrolTheDragon · 20/11/2018 17:10

I have a lovely classic name. When I was about 13 (mid 90's) I very nearly changed it to Diana. So glad I didn't!

A bit OT but you can hardly get more classic than Diana! (Well, Artemis beats it if we're being pedantic... Grin)

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Weebitawks · 20/11/2018 17:14

I can’t believe people would let a child change their name on a whim... or actually give it much thought. I’m pretty liberal but bloody hell! Just tell her to get on with it and she can do something about it when she’s older and a bit more sensible. Hopefully sensible enough to realise that the world has a lot of suffering and having a name that you don’t particularly like (at the moment) doesn’t top the list.

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MyNameIsFartacus · 20/11/2018 17:14

I am a Rosie! I hated my name growing up because of Rosie and Jim, but love it now, and get called Rose, Ro, Roz , I don't mind any of them. If I could have changed it at 13 I would have, but I'm glad now that I didn't.

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Hannnnnnnxo · 20/11/2018 17:15

AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

Absolutely. If she does change it, that’s such a narcissistic, nasty and controlling thing to do. Quite frankly it’s her life, her name and this is a situation where your input has no value - it’s HER name

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sayitisntsojo · 20/11/2018 17:16

When I was 13 I wanted to call my daughter Tranquility Bay. Thank fuck I didn't get pregnant or be allowed to change my name god knows what I would have been called. I wanted to change my middle name so I could have better initials but soon grew out of it! I love the name Rose though (and Ava and Evie)

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RandomMess · 20/11/2018 17:17

My eldest changed all of her names to something very pretentious when she was 16, we all still use her original name and she's fine with it.

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LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 20/11/2018 17:19

I hate my name and my middle one is horrendous. However god knows what I’d be chosen for myself at 13!

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newtothisriver · 20/11/2018 17:22

I can’t believe people would let a child change their name on a whim... or actually give it much thought. I’m pretty liberal but bloody hell!

It's only a name. It's not like a child asking to cut a leg off or something!

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fridgepants · 20/11/2018 17:24

Rose is a gorgeous name, but I can also see why she thinks it's old-fashioned. Especially at her age - I have quite a 70s name, despite being born in the 80s, and really wished that my parents had in the end gone with Heather, or Kate...or that I could change it to something 'sexier' like Madeleine. It's also one of those names that people just assume they can shorten if they like, even in a business environment, which drives me nuts.

That said, it's my name now, and I didn't feel strongly enough to change it once I was old enough to (though I sort of regret not adopting a variant nickname; there's a point in your life when changing it is more hassle than it's worth). In the meantime, is there a nickname she likes? I have several friends known entirely by nicknames, or by non-standard shortenings of their name (eg. Cass for Catherine).

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Hannnnnnnxo · 20/11/2018 17:24

Also Rose isn’t a very common name amongst younger generations (it is very common as a middle name though!) I can see why she finds it outdated and more suited to the elder generations. Rose on a young person suits them if the rest of their name is ‘trendy’, otherwise I would picture a sweet old lady as being a ‘Rose’.

Rosie sounds a bit childish, and suits a specific type of person if that makes sense? If your daughter doesn’t feel like it suits her than fair enough.

My friend is called Evie with Rose as a middle name. Could that be a interim change that she could try before actually changing her name? As others have said, she might not go through with changing it in the end. (Sometimes you just wish you were born with a name you like, rather than having to go through the faff of reintroducing yourself later in life)

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fridgepants · 20/11/2018 17:25

Ava is also an incredibly popular name now, and possibly the equivalent of me deciding to change my name to Kylie or Britney when I was a kid.

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SimplySteve · 20/11/2018 17:26

DD changed her first name at 14 and it's persisted five years. It's your DDs choice really.

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caringcarer · 20/11/2018 17:27

My sister used to hate her name and then my Mum said we could call her by her initial as a compromise and see how that went. It was fine and she has been K ever since. Her passport and official documents still have her full name on though. What is her initial?

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GreenTulips · 20/11/2018 17:28

I also hate my name - have always hated it.

No amount of saying 'it's lovely' is going to change her mind

Every other child round here is called Rose - it's quite common

If she feels that strongly let her try a new name

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diddl · 20/11/2018 17:28

" What is her initial?"

GrinGrinGrin

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fridgepants · 20/11/2018 17:28

A friend at school's sister changed her name from Christine to Danielle when she was about that age, but not formally.

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BeanBagLady · 20/11/2018 17:30

Rose would never in a million years have suited me, no flower based names would. It is her name, not yours.

I think you should talk her through it calmly. Explain the truth: that she can change her name when she is 18, and anyone can call themselves anything they like. Maybe discuss changing the name she uses at school but explain that you will find it very hard to call her anything else, so perhaps a family / home name and an outside name?

Lots of people go by two names, a nick name and a full name, in different circles.

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