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I don’t want DD to change her name.
372

LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

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MrsJayy · 20/11/2018 17:30

Tell her yes when she is 16 she can change it legally ahe is being a teenager and needing to fit in . There is nothing wrong with Rose as a name and there must be a million Ava's knocķing about

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BeanBagLady · 20/11/2018 17:31

" What is her initial?"

Now, now....

Could be Wrose.

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TroysMammy · 20/11/2018 17:31

I hated my name growing up because the first three letters made a word that is used for a minority and in school was used as an insult.

It's not a common name but not unusual. I like it now because it's my name and there are not many of us called it although I know of 4 through my line of work.

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fridgepants · 20/11/2018 17:32

" Hopefully sensible enough to realise that the world has a lot of suffering and having a name that you don’t particularly like (at the moment) doesn’t top the list."

You could say that about every single thread on AIBU, and I don't think it's fair to say to a child that something that's clearly bothering them doesn't matter because they aren't starving to death.

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CaMePlaitPas · 20/11/2018 17:32

Rose is a beautiful name!

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newtothisriver · 20/11/2018 17:32

what is her initial

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Laughed so hard at this

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smilysmilysmily · 20/11/2018 17:33

I can totally sympathise with your daughter - I absolutely hated my name (of a similar vein to Rose ish) when I was younger, and was absolutely set on re-naming myself Tiffany or Courtney! My parents were bemused in hindsight but always let me try it out and it was something I eventually something I grew out of.

I have since learnt to love my name, I'm 24 now, as it is not that common anymore. Perhaps your daughter will do the same, but I think as PP have said, it is her identity and at such an important stage for her to be coming to grip with hers you should support her in every way possible - even if it's not something you like.

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CaMePlaitPas · 20/11/2018 17:36

Was going to name my daughter Rose for her middle name...
Until my sister pointed out her initials would be "A.R.S" ....

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OhLemons · 20/11/2018 17:38

My parents told me I could change my name if I wanted to when I started secondary school. I didn't do it as I don't mind my name, but both my brother an I were given the choice.

Strangely enough, my niece was a Rose but she elected to changed her name when she was in her early teens (she didn't like it for exactly the same reasons as your daughter). She's early 20's now, is still happy with her decision and still doesn't like Rose!

I also have a friend who changed her name when she was in her 40's. She never liked her name and decided she was putting up with it no longer!

If my children wanted to change their's I don't think it would bother me, they're the ones that have to live with it.

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Cherulewis · 20/11/2018 17:39

I hated my own name from an incredibly young age, not helped by the fact that my parents each had a nickname for me, so I technically had 3 names, one on my birth certificate, one from my Mother and one from my Father. Neither of which were names, more nicknames.

Even though I accepted people called me by my birth certificate name I wrote my name as many different shortenings and by 6 a completely different name.

Later I was given an unusual shortening of my name and it stuck. As a child I didn't think it was unusual. I changed it by deed poll in my early 20s because I was sick of arguing my "known as" status.

Every time I meet someone new they ask where I got my name, it is tiring. But I still love it. All my family use my changed name.

I would support your daughter in her new name choice but make no move to change it legally at this stage. If she still feels this way in a few years I would change it before she receives any GCSE certificates with Rose on it. I constantly had to provide my deed poll to show my degree was mine.

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Hannnnnnnxo · 20/11/2018 17:42

Yes, she may eventually decide not to change her name and at 13, it could be just a whim. However only time will tell whether she actually does want to go through with changing her name permanently - I don’t think it’s instantly fair to write her off as ‘being silly’.

It’s mentally draining going by a name you don’t like. I hated my birth name my entire life, and changed it via deed poll with no regrets (aside from I wish I changed it sooner!)

As someone that went through what your daughter is going through, the best thing the OP can do is be supportive rather than insisting on calling her the name she doesn’t like just because OP’s feelings are hurt. That will create conflict and resentment between you even if she decides to stay as Rose, as you’re ignoring her POV and not taking her feelings into account and prioritising your wants over hers

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AamdC · 20/11/2018 17:42

Lots of old names are currently very popular , i would just nod and smile at the moment, i have a double barrell first name which i wasent keen on as a child as it was a bit of mouthful amongst all the ,Sarahs, and Rachels etc(i was a 70,s child) no i dont mind. it

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Nanalisa60 · 20/11/2018 17:51

Change your name!! Of course you can darling!, you can change it to anything you want when you are 18!! End of drama

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nokidshere · 20/11/2018 17:52

There is no need to spend money or make it official, you can call yourself anything you like as long as it's not for fraudulent purposes. Just let her choose her name and be called that for now, she might change her mind and she might not but then she can do it and pay for it herself.

I changed my name at primary school. I have been called it ever since, it's on everything from passports to Id badges to bank accounts and the only place it's in it's original form is on my birth certificate.

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EduCated · 20/11/2018 17:52

I’m with weebitawks - just let her crack on, she can ask her friends to call her what she likes. If it sticks then maybe consider deed poll in future, but doesn’t everyone go through a phase of wanting to change their name or they way they spell it?

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Sashkin · 20/11/2018 17:54

I think of Ava and Evie as toddler names - they only became popular again fairly recently and I don’t know any teenagers called that.

I would have happily changed my name to “Jasmine” or “Ellie” when I was 13. Sooo dated now in a 40yr old woman.

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abacucat · 20/11/2018 17:55

I agree it is unfair to automatically write it off as a silly phase. It may be, it may not. Only time will tell.

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StormTreader · 20/11/2018 18:00

I've always hated my name, if I could have settled on a name I felt was really "me" I'd have changed it at that age.
It's fine that you love it OP, but it's not YOU that has to live with it day in and day out.

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LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 18:06

I have to laugh at all the suggestions of Rosa as that is my son’s wife’s name so that might cause a bit of confusement!

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OliviaStabler · 20/11/2018 18:10

Has she seen Titanic?

Might sell Rose to her as a name she might like a bit more.

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Theresomethingaboutdairy · 20/11/2018 18:11

Having a name that you hate can be soul destroying and actually damage self confidence. It is really horrible introducing yourself, attending interviews etc. I gave my 4 dc standard top 20 names as I hated standing out, having a unique name when everyone around me was Sarah, Claire, Rachel, Emma etc was not for me at all. A lot of teenagers just want to fit in.

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bananamonkey · 20/11/2018 18:15

I’ve never liked my name but I don’t hate it to change it.

When I was 11 I went through a stage of wanting to change it to Elaine Confused (No offence to any Elaines but WTF was I thinking?!)

I think Evie and Ava are just popular at the moment, there’s millions out there, I wanted to be like the other 80s kids and blend in as an Emma or Sarah or Claire. I’d humour her for now and let her friends call her something different, most likely she’ll change her mind again.

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MsTSwift · 20/11/2018 18:22

I think Rose is a nice name but can imagine it really not suiting some people -it’s ultra feminine and quite a prim name. Wouldn’t be right for everyone maybe it isn’t for your dd.

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olivesnutsandcheese · 20/11/2018 18:23

Offer her a shopping trip and lunch at nandos if she forgets all about changing her name

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DareIAdmit · 20/11/2018 18:24

My sisters and I all have slightly unusual/dated names. We all dislike our names, two of us get by with nicknames the other goes by her middle name. If she hates her name she hates it, she's not a doll she's an independent person with her own thoughts and feelings. I'd let her call herself what she wants and if she still likes the new name at 16 she can change it which she may or may not do. Refusing to call her what she wants will make her even more determined to change it or could drive a massive wedge between you.

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