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I don’t want DD to change her name.
372

LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

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emilyk315 · 21/11/2018 20:26

I remember being as young as 6/7 wanting to change my former name because I hated it so much. I was bullied relentlessly, it was a horrible old fashioned name. Even teachers made fun of my old name! Whenever I would say that I was changing my name when I legally could my mother would just brush it off.

The mother of one of my school friends was a solicitor and I'd mentioned it to her and she'd told me I could legally change my name at 16. 19 days after my 16th birthday she changed it for me, luckily for me at no charge. It took a while for family and friends to adjust to my new name but now they say they don't even think about my former name. It's been 15 years and I've never regretted it.

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AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 21/11/2018 20:31

It's not likely to be a permanent phase, so why not say that she can change it legally when she's 18 if she wants but in the meantime at home if she wants people to call her by a nickname that's fine, so whatever she chooses. But almost certainly it will be a five minute wonder and she'll probably love her real name soon. Especially when she forgets and misses her call for dinner a few times Wink

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millimat · 21/11/2018 20:38

I'd be really upset of DD wanted to change her name.
However I really don't like mine and have never so there's a part of me that wishes I'd had the guts to do something about it when I was younger. Not only is mine quite unusual but it's also not the more usual spelling. I could never find anything with my name on such as keyrings etc. Then I got married and acquired an unusual surname too Hmm

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cathy87 · 21/11/2018 20:50

@LadyPamplemousse This one:

“Rose is the lady.

Ava is the showgirl.

Evie is the housemaid.

All nice in their own way. But Rose is nicest.”

How is Ava the showgirl or Evie the housemaid? What do you even mean by that?

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Vicky1990 · 21/11/2018 21:14

I find it hard to understand why you would object to alowing your daughter to be happy by letting her have the name of her choice.
At her age she has a lot to contend with growing up without the added burden of a name she did not choose and doesn't like.
Help her to be happy.

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LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 21/11/2018 21:16

Oh my, this is what passes as ‘news’ on the Sun online (it popped up on my newsfeed).

Bugger off and do a proper job.

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TittyFahLaEtcetera · 21/11/2018 21:18

I was named from a very popular song. Everyone sang it at me. To make matters worse, both my first and middle names are foreign in honour of family heritage when I was born and raised in the UK. Even some family members openly said they disliked me having a foreign name.

Of course it got shortened, and over time evolved into a different name, one that can be a standalone name. When I started secondary I asked to be known as my nickname because the Victorias got to be Vickys and so on, but the teachers said no as it was too different to my real name. I was heartbroken. But my friends called me my nickname and variants of it. My DM told me about deed poll, but also that I could go by my middle name if I wanted (like my DGM did) but I got shit about that too, although there was an A lister at the top of her game at the time with the same name, or just choose a nickname to go by. I went with option 3. As I got older I just introduced myself as my nickname. Now I use my full name professionally and my nickname everywhere else. It means my colleagues rarely find me on social media and some of my friends don't even realise my full name.

My DS has changed his name a few times. He started primary under his nickname. By the time he was year 3 he opted to use his full name. When his DF fucked off he opted to use my surname. I never pushed any of this. I actually told him to wait until he went to secondary school and have it as his known as name, but next thing I know I got a call from his teacher saying he'd gone to the office and asked to use his Mum's name please. I said yes of course if that's what he wanted, so they changed it over that day. His secondary school have mucked up a few times and used his Dad's name, but he says "That's my birth name, please call me [my name]".

Today he came home from school and said he'd quite like to change his first name to one of his nicknames when he deed polls his surname. I said that's fine, it would be his choice, but to bear in mind he can use any name he likes as long as he uses his official name when necessary. Pointed out all the people in our lives who use nicknames without issue, and suggested he'd get many more nicknames over the years as he's only 12. He then reeled off all the names his friends have given him and realised it would be hard to choose, so maybe he'd stick to his full name and have lots of nicknames. I said "fine, but you've got at least 5.5 years to make your mind up, and you dont have to change it at 18, so just experiment!" The nickname he suggested to change to is one I use and love on him, so it's no problem for me and it definitely sounds cooler than his full name, but it's not necessary to deed poll it.

Not quite the same scenario, but as my DM was relaxed about my identity crisis I decided to go the same way. Thinking about it, I first wanted to be known by this name at 11, it was well established by 16, with some teachers capitulating and using it, and I'm now 37 and still happy to be known by it. It can be a phase, but it may not be. Best thing to do is give facts and support in a neutral way so she feels confident to make her own choices.

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Ginger1982 · 21/11/2018 21:20

This has made it into the Sun...

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ivykaty44 · 21/11/2018 21:29

Fucking arse

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PasteSandwiches · 21/11/2018 21:43

I know that this site isn't private but I genuinely find it disgusting that the media trawl it for "stories" - we're all just here to support each other. #thesuncanfuckoff #neverforgethillsborough96

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Earthakitty · 21/11/2018 22:05

I think Rose is a beautiful name. I'd love to have been called Rose.
How about Roz ?

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manicmij · 21/11/2018 22:07

Won't DD have to wait a while - until 18 anyway to change her name. May have accepted her name is okay by then. I always fancied the latest celebrity name at your DDs age.

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Earthakitty · 21/11/2018 22:11

I can't abide this current trend for Evie ( sounds like " evil " ) and Ava, ( Ada....).
I like timeless classics.
Like Rose.
Your daughter will change her mind when she's older. Guaranteed.

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puppy23 · 21/11/2018 22:16

I think Rose is cute

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Carriecakes80 · 21/11/2018 22:23

My son hated his name, this seemed to kick in around age 12/13, he said it was 'too common' (It hadn't been when I chose it back in 2001! lol) and he really didn't like it.
I said he could have a year, if he wanted to change his name, that was fine, but his friends and family would have to get used to it first, and if he was happy, in a years time, he could change it legally.
I think it was about two weeks in, it was completely forgotten about. I reminded him only the other week about the 'Name change debacle' and he laughed and said it was because at the tme he had met a girl and she had the same name lol
Sigh!
Give your girl her freedom, she'll do it with or without you in the end if she is serious, and you never know, it could all be forgotten soon enough! x

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Disneyinmyveins · 21/11/2018 22:43

How about Ava-Rose? A compromise

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RudimentalPetal · 21/11/2018 22:48

What does she want to change it to? If it's sunflower moonbeam unicorn rainbow, I might let her for lolz. I have 3 daughters, 2 have sensible names and my last who is my baby got a virtue name which I called her based on my experience of pregnancy with her. She may not love it when she is older but the world doesn't revolve around them. At 13 we know nothing, tell her she can be called her chosen name and play along she can't legally for a while anyway...omg I remember my mate changing her name from Zoe to Zoey around this age..as parents we are supposed to say no to some things.

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MummyofTw0 · 21/11/2018 22:50

Rose is a beautiful name

Perhaps don't comment when she mentions it because it's gaining attention?!

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namechangeforthisobviously · 21/11/2018 22:58

Will people stop ignoring me and saying you have to wAit till your 16 or 18 or whatever. You don’t! I didn’t! I changed mine at 14 by statuary declaration!

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mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 21/11/2018 23:06

EarthaKitty Ava is quite a classic name! Yes it's much more popular now than it was 40 years ago, but it's not a name that was invented last year!

DD is called Ava and thinks it is boring. She wants to be called Carmen, which was the name I really wanted to call her, but DH vetoed.

You can't win!

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ChippingIn · 21/11/2018 23:07

namechanged

Calm down dear.

The CHILD cannot change her name without parental consent until she’s 16, so no, SHE can’t change her name.

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MsTSwift · 21/11/2018 23:14

Although practically speaking if she tells everyone to call her a different name and only responds to the new name theres not a huge amount you can do about it really. She’s probably Gillick competent.

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MadCow999 · 21/11/2018 23:37

All girls of 13 want to change their name

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josbd · 22/11/2018 00:01

I was never the feminine girl that my mother so wanted. She named me Joanna, so the saving grace was that it was and still is shortened to Jo. My mother never ever shortened my name. She had a good reason for choosing the name. Sadly it simply did not suit me one bit.

I suspect your 13 year old will nag about this for another 3 or 4 months, and then forget all about it. Has someone at school been taking the piss?

Thing is, the choosing of a child's name is a very personal choice. and the recipient may or may not like it, or simply not care either way. i can understand why parents would be upset by this, but I would suggest that there is nothing personal aimed at you in all of this.

I know I am an old git, but does anyone else remember a time when we simply accepted things as they were, like it or not, and got on with our lives?

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citiesofbismuth · 22/11/2018 00:16

Ds2 used to complain about his very reasonable name, but I told him to choose a one he liked and we'd use that instead if he was serious about it. It wouldn't worry me if he wanted to do that.

He's stopped mentioning it, so perhaps he's sticking with his name after all.

If a person very much dislikes their name they shouldn't feel they're stuck with it. I hated my maiden name and was glad to ditch it when I got married.

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