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I don’t want DD to change her name.
372

LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

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ThanksForAllTheFish · 22/11/2018 02:31

I know a Rose who goes by the name Rosie but as a teenager she was known as Roxie (which fitted better with her goth/metal/rock image).

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Pav35 · 22/11/2018 03:58

I would let her do it ! When i was 10 i choose my own surname for simple reason I just didn’t want my father’s surname . I wanted to choose what i liked . What do you think my mum told me once I mentioned to her about permanent change of my surname ? She said its too complicated , lots of paperwork around it . So no . However on my 18th B-Day dream came true . It didn’t took me long to submit application form for it with reasoning and after one month of waiting got an response . It was accepted . I am 35 now and i am so happy that i did it and i dont regret it . I would appreciate it if my mum did it for me at that time when i wanted but she wasn’t willing which was fine as I was determined that it will get what i want . If somebody comes with something like that . I would think seriously about that but wouldn’t try to stop your daughter to get what she wants , it will just delay her cos once she will het older she might do it without your permission anyway

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Catsinthecupboard · 22/11/2018 05:04

I'm in my 5th decade. Hated my name my entire life. Changed to nickname at 13. Caught hell from my parents. DH likes my nickname. That's what i use now.

Dont make your dc keep name that YOU love. You do not have to live with it. Call her by the name you gave her at home but be kind and let her choose the name she feels comfortable with.

I told both dc to feel free to change if they wish; It's horrible having a detested name

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Rtmhwales · 22/11/2018 05:20

I felt this way. My mum allowed me to change it at 14 and I'm 31 now and so glad she did. That said, I'd been asking since age six or seven and really desperately hated it.

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Rachelover40 · 22/11/2018 05:51

Let her call herself whatever she likes. She's not rejecting you, only a name.

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Dipi79 · 22/11/2018 06:00

What would she like to be called?
My advice? Tell her you totally respect that she wants to change her name/be known by something different, but that you need more time to get your head around it. And, that as an adult, she can legally change her name.
So, she can choose to be known by another name, but you can also choose to carry on calling her by her birth name. X

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Dipi79 · 22/11/2018 06:12

OP, honestly I don't know why some people are being harsh with you, as I totally empathise.
Look, I was burdened with Diana Roberta Ann as my names, for which I got bullied. I LOVE my name now, though I am always called Di.
Rose may choose to legally change her name; in the meantime, she can ask to be known by whatsoever she chooses, and maybe you can support her in this? However, she's 13, not fucking 30, so she may change her mind AGAIN!
My twin girls will probably hate me in the future, as they have Spanish composite names! 😉

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flumpybear · 22/11/2018 06:22

Story was number 1 on my iPhone newsfeed this morning ... The Sun 🙄

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MummyofT · 22/11/2018 09:49

I let my daughter 'adjust her name' slightly but it's very different. She wanted to add my surname and her confirmation name legally. She's asked about changing her first name a few times too but I;'ve never allowed it. The way I see it- I would let her ask the school to change what they call her. You can have a 'preferred name' she can then live as Ava or whatever with friends and schooling but legally still be Rose. ALSO. ROSE IS A GORGEOUS NAME!! i agree also with whoever said about telling her to wait till she's 18. It's only 5 years. let her have her ava name as a preferred with school. call her it at home and don't spend hundreds fixing deed poll/ changing passports/ doctors and bank accounts....

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ToftyAC · 22/11/2018 10:08

I know it must be disappointing but she’s the one that has to live with it. I’d let her get on with the change. However, you need to point out to her that Change of Name Deeds are a pain up the arse to carry with you throughout life. I’ve changed my surname 4 times (so have have had 5 different surnames in total). Explaining it all and having to make sure you don’t lose the ruddy Deeds etc is a sodding liability.

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LadyFlumpalot · 22/11/2018 11:39

Ha, when I was 13 I was determined to change my name to Rose! I don't like my proper name still, or the fully shortened version but am more than happy with the middle ground shortening. Personally I'd let her try it on for size for a while and say you'll have a chat about it in a month or so, but that you won't make any steps to make it official until she's tried it out.

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CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 22/11/2018 12:40

At that age I demanded everyone called me by the abbreviated version of my middle name, then I reverted back to my first name but with a different spelling. I really think that it's just part of searching for/defining your own identity with a smidge of rebellion that naturally happened at around your DD's age.

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JosieJasper · 22/11/2018 17:51

My name is short and a bit dull so I always wanted to change my name to Bianca after the mouse in The Rescuers. Fast forward a few years...Eastenders completely ruined that name for me Grin

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namechangeforthisobviously · 23/11/2018 11:06

Chippingin,

As Ive said several times now, you can do a statuary declaration at 14. I did. I've never done a deed poll, but I haven't had to. My passport, mortgage, NHS number, NI number, bank accounts , uni certicifiates etc are all in my chosen name. All from the Statuary Declaration (without parental consent) at 14.

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LG123 · 23/11/2018 11:56

@namechangeforthisobviously

Yep, I did a statutory declaration at 17 but I was sure it was 16+ without parental consent.

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namechangeforthisobviously · 23/11/2018 14:33

well I did one at 14 and it's lasted me 30 years

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LG123 · 23/11/2018 14:49

@namechangeforthisobviously

I wasn't doubting you, I did mine 7 years ago. It is possible the age has risen.

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TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 23/11/2018 15:25

Ava is nice. She could have gone a lot worse. I'd let her go with Ava without going through the name changing forms (in Scotland) deed poll in England. It's really not a huge thing to pick a fight about and chances are she'll come round to it as she gets older.

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sashh · 23/11/2018 15:45

How about exploring the names with Rose in them or that start with Rose, Roseanne, Rosita, Rosa etc.

I must admit I can see why she might not like it, and if she has done a google search of, 'famous people called Rose' I can understand why she thinks it is 'old'.

Maybe offer her the option of adding one of her chosen names as a middle name so she can swap back if she wants?

I remember watching a 'who do you think you are' with Vic Reeves, and he is known by 3 different names by different family members.

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VotingFox · 23/11/2018 16:13

How about Ava-Rose? A compromise

Unwise. fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ava_Rose


And @Mum4Blake do tell…

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Mum4Blake · 23/11/2018 23:00

My initials would have been W.C.
Instead I’m C W and I’ve spent my entire life pointing out that I’m known as W (but I still use C at the doctors and bank - although even they are starting to use “known as W”
I like W - it’s not common, but not unusual enough to be weird. That was the same reason as I used when choosing my sons name. He’s now 6 and has repeatedly said he wants to be called “Steve”. I grew up with loads of Steve’s and Stephen’s. It’s a name I wouldn’t have chosen in a million years - but he’s welcome to have a “known as” if that’s what he wants. I kinda figure that by 18 he’ll have a good idea of who he is and what he wants to be, and if he wants to be Steve (or Sally, or James, or Blue or Apple) he can chose that once he’s old enough

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VotingFox · 23/11/2018 23:13

Wilhelmina is a lovely name, Mum4.

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