I don’t want DD to change her name.

[LemonBeachTowel]

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

I think changing her name is really up to her. She may try out a new name for a while and decide to go back to her original name. Or she may like the new one.

FTR, I really dislike my first name. I've never liked it. I would change it but I'm too lazy (and it would be annoying for professional reasons as this point). My parents loved the name, but that doesn't mean I have to! :)

If I could have changed my name at 13 I would have done it in a heartbeat, to something 'cooler'. I shudder to think how dated it would sound now, whereas my actual name has weathered very well.

Based on that, I'd have a serious chat with her about changing fashions and peer pressure. Dig out a photo of you when you were 13 and had a terrible perm or something and point out that our choices at 13 often make us laugh as adults. BUT, be careful in doing so that you're not dismissing her views altogether. Just make her aware that her likes and dislikes may change and maybe she'd be better waiting a bit longer before making such a big decision. And then tell her that if in future she decides to change her name that you'll accept and love her no matter what she chooses.

"it is a name we picked for her because we loved it."

And she doesn't-but she's the one who has to live with it!

Could it just be that someone has said something about it?

Talk to her for goodness sake!

Lemon having read many a baby name thread I know that so many names beloved of MN are to me horribly ugly frumpy old fashioned names that went out of fashion for a reason, and I often wonder why people would saddle their DC with these names.

A good reminder that we are not the ones who have to live with the choice we make.

I’d be heartbroken if my children wanted to change their names OP, so I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time Of course it’s “about you” when your child rejects the name you carefully chose for them.

Anyway, I really do think it’s typical teen rebellion/navel gazing stuff. If she feels the same way at 18 she can change it officially, but I bet she won’t.

Has she said what she wants to change it to, by the way?

It's hard to give an opinion if we don't know what the name is. I mean something like Violet and I'd tell her to suck it up. Brenda and I'd have a lot more sympathy.

She's 13.
When I was 13 I was irritated that my parents gave me a boring name when other girls had cool unique names. I went through a phase in my preteens of a stupid youneek spelling of a diminutive form.
Now I don't mind my name and have a shortening I like.

We want to do lots of things at 13 and the world is terribly unfair when you're 13 and obviously adults are the worst at times.

I'd say she can use whatever nickname she likes and then at 18 if she wants to then it can be changed.

I decided to start using my middle name on my first day at school. I really didn't like the nickname my teacher started to call me. I couldn't actually do it til the next day, as I had to go home and ask my mother how to spell it first.

Took years for my parents to catch up with me, everyone at school used my middle name. They now use it, while i have switched back to variant of my first name.

If anyone had told me that i could 't change my name til i was an adult, i think i would have been a bit bemused.

To be fair I think you can just say sorry names can't be changed

EH?

I agree with PP - you have to pick your battles with teenagers and this really should be down to her. If she hates it, it's rather harsh to insist on your own way until lshe can change it legally herself.

It really might just be a phase, at around that age I asked people to call me 'Samantha'! My name is slightly unusual, I was the only person in my school called my name and didn't know anyone else in real life with it.

Now as an adult, I much prefer my name to Samantha! (No offence to any Samantha's reading!)

My name is Elizabeth and I HATED it at 13 for all the reasons your DD hates hers. I'm 27 now and definitely wouldn't change it. I would say she can when she's an adult but not now.

I'm a Fiona and I've never really had much of an opinion on my name. It's just there. Which is a good thing I suppose. Don't hate it, and it's not a massive conversation starter. Except in America, where I get a lot of 'ooooh, such a pretty name' comments .

I am sure you love the name. But more than your daughter? Who hates it?

You mention an associated nickname - does she like that enough to compromise, so that her given name is still her official name but she gets called something else.

For example I know a lot of Elizabeths who remain Elizabeth officially but are known as Beth, Libby, Lizzi, Lizi - you get the drift.

Her name is Rose. She wants to be Ava or Evie. We don’t have any connections to those names so I think she’s just picked them because she likes them?
She’s always hated being called Rosie or Ro. It’s always been Rose.

I have a very old-fashioned name with no associated nickname. As a child/young teen I hated it and attempted to get people to call me something else as my mother wouldn't let me legally change it until I was 18. By the time I was 18 I wasn't too fussed over it anymore and didn't think about changing it. Now in my 40s I LOVE my name, it's different from everyone else and has a classic ring to it that my peers named Tiffany etc. don't have.

I'd agree to call her something else now, but don't actually change it. It's extremely likely she will change her mind by the time she's old enough to do it herself.

Good thing with a name like Elizabeth is it has a host of nicknames to suit most tastes.

My younger sister is named Rose. I call her Rosita Chiquita

My DSD legally changed her name when she was around 10yo to a double-barrelled first name which is often ridiculed on here (and elsewhere). Privately I didn't agree with it but obviously the matter was between her and her parents, who made her stick with it for 6 months first. A few years later DSD has dropped the second of the double barrelled names and I have a suspicion she regrets legally changing it. If I were her parent I'd have agreed to a "known as" then let her change it legally when she was old enough.

Double I’ll ask if she will consider Rosita

Rose is gorgeous. I'd follow the path of smiling and nodding. Let her friends call her Evie if she wants.

I love Rose. She will love it when she is older I am sure of it.

"so I think she’s just picked them because she likes them?"

Like you did with her name?

If old fashioned names are popular can they really be considered old fashioned anymore?

Does your daughter have a particular name in mind? If so, is there any reason why she can’t informally adopt this name for now, rather than legally change her name, a bit like a stage name. Possibly with the agreement that you don’t have to use this name.

If she thinks Rose is old fashioned, has she watched the House of Eliott? Evie is donkeys years old.

Interesting. That's not what I would have thought you'd say. Odd that she thinks Rose old fashioned but not Ava! And Rose was an awesome companion of the Doctor!

Doe she have a middle name she can use?

I dunno, I think this could be a pick your battles moment. No doubt she's gearing up to criticize every single thing about you, your DH, your style, your job, your house, you car...