To be disgusted with some "step parents" views?

[PriscillaSM]

I want to start off by saying that I do not have children, I have a step mother myself and my DP has a son so this is not me being a bitter parent.

I find myself reading so many posts on here where step parents are unhappy about their partner/husband paying their ex maintenance, having to look after the step child once in a blue moon, the stepchild not being allowed in certain rooms of their house or even about having their stepchild over the christmas period?!

Surely if you start a relationship with somebody knowing they have children, you know what you are getting involved in?? I would never dream of treating my DP's DS in such a way.

Sorry for the rant but I'm just horrified about the mentality of some people on here.

I reckon rarely true
oh of course you do, you must know every situation better than the actual poster living in it must you

As with anything in life I think if people behave with some decency and common sense there’d be far fewer problems.

I think as a parent it must be difficult to accept a step parent in your child’s lives but as long as everyone is putting the child first then things are on the right track. I don’t think any step parent would come into a relationship thinking they want to replace the child’s mother/father unless there’s something wrong with them, in which case that’s a whole other story!

My stepmum is fantastic however she and my mum don’t have a good relationship in the slightest and often try to ‘outdo’ the other and I’m nearly 30!

Blended families are becoming much more common now and I think there’s a lot of support out there to help people either become a step parent or do accept a step parent in their child’s lives.

blahblah don't be so ridiculous. It's perfectly normal for parents to have the privacy of their own bedroom.

They aren't pets no, but they are children who do need rules. Telling a child to knock or ask permission to go into a certain room is a completely normal rule to have. And I would always knock before entering the DCs room at home.

You are acting as if it's the same as a husband telling his wife she can't go in x y or z room in their house. It's perfectly acceptable for the grown ups in the family to have their bedroom as their private place.

If we didn't have this rule in place my DSC would happily barge in whenever the felt like and would have likely had the unfortunate shock of seeing me changing a few times!

Its really not normal, the pp mentioned several rooms in their house their kids are banned from. Do read before commenting,

My DP's Stepmum is very icy and difficult, he's a bit scared of her as she has a lot of influence over his Dad. Actually they are both very cold, nagging and controlling. He has a real Mum but it is difficult as she has a MH condition which is why the father left her.
There is such bad sess in the family, it is very unnerving.
Furthermore, DP's brother is jealous of us and is very manipulative.
Stepmother had to look after the two when they were older children when the mother was hospitalised. She really resented this.
I can understand it, cos she also had a ft job . However I have known warmer refrigerators.
Just lately his real Mum has taken to shrieking about any damn thing when we go round there.So it is not a happy situation.

blahblahblah18 I have thank you, and I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask a child not to go in your study either.

REad again, you're confused.

It's not normal, and its not ok.

Op as a step parent myself your being unreasonable. You sometimes can't win and not everyone posts like that but you have no idea what it's going to be like as a parent or step parent until you are one !
My step kids are nice,I feed and clothe them and make sure house is big enough - this requires time and money. In our case do has children 50:50.
We have identical costs but none of the benefits and maintenance is demanded despite the 50% arrangement.
It's insanity.
Not every step parent in unreasonable nor is every to rp or indeed every nrp. People sometimes are unpleasant regardless of their relationship to a child.

Interesting - I see Mumsnet as very anti step mothers.

Seems the expectation is:
Support SC without question - financially, emotionally and with all the running around
Don't ever voice an opinion on SC behaviour - your not a parent.
Don't even think of having kids of your own as his 'first' family comes first
Suck everything up with a smile as you 'knew what you were getting into'

I'm a stepmom with two great step kids but I would never post on MN for advice about it.

anti crappy stepmothers,of which there are so many

OP has posted and ran it seems. Funny that.

Btw I have rules, no children in our bed/bedroom unless we arw in their or they are unwell and need cuddles etc. It isn't unreasonable. They have their own bedrooms, a living room and playroom. They don't need to play in the only adult only space into the house . That isn't unreasonable in my view and it was the same when I grew up with my biological parents

blahblahblah18

You're delusional.

The poster who said about the study confirmed there is dangerous kit in there hence why the children are not allowed in. Why is that not a perfectly normal and sensible rule to have?

Are your children just allowed to wander in and out of and play around in any room they feel like nevermind the occupants of that room?

anti crappy stepmothers,of which there are so many

How about being anti crappy step fathers or anti crappy mothers or fathers? I guess they don't fit your agenda.

I see far more projection on threads where it's assumed the step mum is automatically in the wrong no matter what stance she takes. Show any interest in the DSCs and you're accused of wanting to play happy families; detach a bit from getting roped into the gruntwork of parenting and you obviously hate your DSCs and make them feel unwelcome.

I'm a step mum. I once posted about my relationship and got told that my DH didn't sound that interested in his kids (I'd not posted anything to indicate he wasn't interested). When I pointed out that we had them Thu-Sun every single week it was then poor mum, why does DH get all the fun times with his DC, how selfish of him. I explained that mum didn't actually want any weekends because she spent them all with her childless DP who didn't want to stay in the same house as the kids. Even after that it was still poor mum, she's probably exhausted from having the kids during the week - even though we had them just shy of 50/50 and they were actually with us for most of that time as opposed to at school

As for you knew what you were getting into - bullshit. If anything you know less than an actual parent because you're thrown straight in and (rightly) don't have an equal say as to how the family dynamics should work. Plus there's the catch-22 that it's irresponsible to meet the DC before you know your relationship is serious - paradoxically this can lead to couples sticking out their relationship far longer than they should because they're so emotionally attached by then that they're desperate for it to work.

Blahblahblah

You are either a very bitter ex or a complete arse.

I had a great step mum. I’m often shocked when I read threads on here where the step child doesn’t have a room at their dads house. I find that so sad, I would have felt devastated if I didn’t have my own room at my dads house, I wouldn’t have wanted to go over as much as it wouldn’t have felt like my home and I guess ultimately our relationship would have suffered. Luckily my dad and step mum alway made sure it felt like my house too.

Suck everything up with a smile as you 'knew what you were getting into'

This in spades. On another thread a posted told the OP that she should not voice an opinion on her partner deciding that from now on he is spending every other weekend living with his ex wife.

I was also once called controlling and nosey because I brought DSD a basket of stuff which included sanitary towels and left in the bathroom just in case so she didn't have to deal with asking me or her dad for them if she started her periods while here.

I have to say that not every poster is like this though. I think a lot of people are more balanced but they can get drowned out.

Sorry I haven't RTFT (though I notice you haven't been back OP)

If anyone posted anything like that on MN they'd be hung, drawn and quartered. I have never seen posts like this.

I wonder what on earth you're talking about.

I think stepmothers (especially stepmothers rather than stepfathers) can sometimes do no right. It sounds like a very tough gig indeed.

I think anyone who is considering it should make their way to mumsnet before they get involved. If they aren’t put off by the many threads by stepmother ops having a hard time in real life, they soon will be when they see the sorts of horrible things people accuse them of on here, with no evidence other than the accuser’s own prejudice.

Couldn’t pay me enough to do it. I’d sooner be a nun.

Wheresthebeach - so true, so so true.

I'm a step mum. I once posted about my relationship and got told that my DH didn't sound that interested in his kids (I'd not posted anything to indicate he wasn't interested)

I once had a poster ask me about the amount of maintenance my DP pays. I had fleetingly mentioned the SC in my OP but the actual query had absolutely nothing to do with them or my DP or the fact I had step children.

blahblahblah18 - what possible reason could by dc have to be in my study, or my bedroom without permission (emergencies excepted)?

I will not apologise for keeping my dc safe either; I'm happy to teach my dc how to use the tools and kit in my workroom (although dd would be horrified at the mere suggestion), but I don't want them hurt.

My dh and I ‘blended’ five teenagers 30 years ago. They are all ours, we have 9 amazing dgc and five lovely adult families. Step parenting has to be worked at. I still get a twinge of jealousy if one dgc visits blood grandma instead of me but I don’t show it.
When we began they were aged 13-18 now they are 44-49 and we are so proud of them all.