To think that DH is being selfish over his weekend away

[Reallybadidea]

DH announced to me at the weekend that he had booked a weekend away (Saturday to Sunday) this coming weekend. He had apparently booked it several months ago and had forgotten to tell me. Unfortunately I'm on call this weekend. The nature of my on calls means that I could be expected to go to any part of the UK with an hour's notice. We have 3 children living at home, aged 16, 15 and 13. We've left them on their own overnight once for about 24 hours in total.

I wasn't particularly pleased about DH being away the weekend I was on call for several reasons, but mainly because I think it's unfair on the kids being left on their own for a long period of time and also not very nice to wake up in the morning and not know whether you even have a parent in the house. But hey, it's a one-off.

Dd (15) has now been invited to a party this Saturday night. She doesn't get invited to many parties and she is desperate to go. With DH being away I don't see how she can go because I don't know whether I will be able to pick her up. Her friends don't live locally so can't give a lift, we are rural so no buses. If it was me, I would cancel my weekend away but DH is refusing. I think he's being selfish. AIBU?

How close a friend is the person who’s having a party? Could she safely stay over? Or go home with a friend you trust?

What is his weekend for? Can he go for one night? Or is there a grandparent that could help out?

Can't she stay with a friend from earlier in the day? Tbh his was booked first.

What are chances of you actually getting called out? Could your DD not stay over somewhere? In normal circumstances I wouldn't expect him to cancel but the whole way it's been sprung on you is odd.

If it was me, I would cancel my weekend away this is bonkers. Dont be a martyr. He is going away for one night. Of course he shouldnt have to cancel.

Your 15yo can either be told

• if im around ill drop you.
• if im around ill collect you.
• can you sleep over at another friend who is going?
• here is some taxi money.
• no you cant go.

One of the above.

I don't know her friend's parents well enough to ask for her to stay over. No grandparents locally to collect. Yes, I know his was booked first but he didn't tell me so I could avoid this very kind of situation!

I would expect kids that age to manage to be home alone - unless the last time was a total disaster? Can't DD stay with some other friend? It's not really fair to expect DH to cancel his plans because of DDs party.

Can a grandparent not come and stay?

Could you have changed your on call rota if you had known earlier?

Can't she get a taxi?

I considered taxis but we are very rural and there is no guarantee at all that there would be one to collect her. Worst case scenario she would be stranded at a friend's house. I don't think I'm being a martyr, but if I'd messed up with booking a date without clearing it with my partner then I wouldn't expect the kids to miss out as a result.

I considered taxis but we are very rural and there is no guarantee at all that there would be one to collect her

Book the taxi in advance?

Could you have changed your on call rota if you had known earlier?

Absolutely - I could have requested not to work that weekend and it wouldn't have been a problem.

Re grandparents - they're 150 miles away and elderly (mine). There isn't a chance that dh's would agree to it.

Send a begging swap your on call message, and promise to cover somewhen at Christmas / party season.

I manage on call rotes and this is my leverage at the moment, best time of year for swaps!

Book the taxi in advance?

Yeah that's a possibility. I'm not massively happy about a 15 year-old getting a taxi by herself late at night. She's never done it before.

Send a begging swap your on call message

Already tried this. There are only 4 of us. The other 3 are busy.

You're looking for problems. At 15, why do you need to ask the other teens parents? Can't your DD ask one of her friends? If she can find somewhere to stay, she can go, otherwise no she can't. Really simple. Also no reason you can't book a taxi in advance.

What's DH weekend ?? Are you concerned he is up to no good?

That was some time ago but when I was 15, I would ask a friend and they would ask their parents. In most cases, my parents would not even know the parents of my friends and would not get involved in our social life.

DH shouldn't need to cancel.

The 15 yo needs to make sure she has a 'Plan B',
Option A you drop off and collect.
Option B if you are called out Taxi there and stay the night if you are not back to collect.

I'd think at 15 she is capable of asking friends, who in turn should ask parents. Maybe ask for the parents number just incase but really she's only a couple of years away from uni age.

His weekend was booked up before your dd announced the party? YABU.

Why doesn’t she stay with a friend who’s going to the party as well.

Agree with others - I'd tell DD if she wants to go to the party she needs to come up with a solution that will work with you not there.

I expect she'll just invite herself to a friend's house.

I wouldn't expect the kids to miss out as a result

Do you always change and cancel plans when the dcs get a last minute invite? Surely if you and dh both have plans then the dc are told no as you are both busy.

Did he know you were working ? If so, YANBU. This is his problem to resolve. What solution does he suggest ?

No sorry an adult shouldn't after alter their plans to go away for a child's party. Dd just gets told she can't go unless she can find a suitable alternative to you picking her up if you get called out.