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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that DH is being selfish over his weekend away

175 replies

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 20:06

DH announced to me at the weekend that he had booked a weekend away (Saturday to Sunday) this coming weekend. He had apparently booked it several months ago and had forgotten to tell me. Unfortunately I'm on call this weekend. The nature of my on calls means that I could be expected to go to any part of the UK with an hour's notice. We have 3 children living at home, aged 16, 15 and 13. We've left them on their own overnight once for about 24 hours in total.

I wasn't particularly pleased about DH being away the weekend I was on call for several reasons, but mainly because I think it's unfair on the kids being left on their own for a long period of time and also not very nice to wake up in the morning and not know whether you even have a parent in the house. But hey, it's a one-off.

Dd (15) has now been invited to a party this Saturday night. She doesn't get invited to many parties and she is desperate to go. With DH being away I don't see how she can go because I don't know whether I will be able to pick her up. Her friends don't live locally so can't give a lift, we are rural so no buses. If it was me, I would cancel my weekend away but DH is refusing. I think he's being selfish. AIBU?

OP posts:

LannieDuck · 19/11/2018 20:41

Are there any other local friends going to the party?

rookiemere · 19/11/2018 20:44

I'd be annoyed if DH announced he was away for a weekend with that little notice - DH does go away but will ask me - and vice versa- if the dates suit.

But agree with others it's done now so can't teenage DD find someone to stay with ?

category12 · 19/11/2018 20:45

Your dd needs to ask her friend if she can stay over. And if not, then you book her a taxi.

Your dh needs to admit he's been a dick in "forgetting" to tell you about the weekend and assuming you'll pick up the slack, and never do it again.

Quartz2208 · 19/11/2018 20:46

we have a rule that if it isnt in the family calendar it doesnt exist - for this very reason

If he had done it properly the OP would not be on call and could solve the issue, he has to accept his mistake

KatharinaRosalie · 19/11/2018 20:49

It was a mistake he didn't tell the OP before. But the only real reason OP does not want him to go is that DD wants to go to a party. Which came up after DH had made and informed the family of the plans. I would not cancel my weekend because of a teenager's party.

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 20:50

Do you always change and cancel plans when the dcs get a last minute invite?

I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I haven't been able to juggle things a bit. We don't go away very often and if we were going out in the evening when they needed picking up we could generally do both.

My concern about a taxi is what if there is some issue and it doesn't turn up? Or she gets drunk (unlikely but could happen)? I am not an overprotective in general I don't think but I feel extremely uneasy about both parents potentially being a long way from home and unable to get back in an emergency.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 19/11/2018 20:50

I wonder why he didn't tell you. Have you got form for coming up with Very Important Reasons why he can't go away, and ignoring all proposed solutions, by any chance?

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 20:52

Can I also add that DD has struggled a bit socially and this is probably why she doesn't want to invite herself to a friend's and also why I am so keen for her to go!

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 19/11/2018 20:52

You could check and see if the taxi company your looking at using has any female drivers OP?

I've had to do that in the past for my nieces when they were staying with me and needed taxis back after being at party's with friends,we were really lucky and managed to find late night taxis back with women drivers.

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 20:53

I wonder why he didn't tell you. Have you got form for coming up with Very Important Reasons why he can't go away, and ignoring all proposed solutions, by any chance?

What a very Mumsnet response

OP posts:

Doingreat · 19/11/2018 20:56

Can you check when he actually booked this weekend away? It just sounds strange that he would forget to tell you such an important piece of information.

NoLeslie · 19/11/2018 20:57

I do feel for you. Few questions:

What are the odds of you being called out? Does it usually happen when you are on call, half the time, rarely?

Would your 16 year old go in a taxi to meet 15 year old?

How far away is your DH weekend?

CandleWithHair · 19/11/2018 20:57

Why are you the one having to solve this problem OP? Seems to me that as it’s of his making, your DH should be the one figuring out the solution.

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:05

He freely admits that he booked it before my on call was booked. It has only just gone in the diary though. I'm not sure why.

I think the 16yo would go in the taxi but, again, what if taxi doesn't turn up etc. I am just uncomfortable with being do far away potentially.

OP posts:

gottastopeatingchocolate · 19/11/2018 21:05

Why is it OH's making, @candle?

At the weekend OH announced a weekend away. OP was OK with him going, though it wasn't ideal. DD got invited to a party after this.

If you can't find a solution with a taxi, then I think you have to say she can only go if you aren't called away. It's unfortunate, but both parents have prior commitments.

tolerable · 19/11/2018 21:05

what?leave dh to it.he shoulda said but didnt.is dd friend whos having partys parents aware of party?can you call explain you on call so let them know in advance you may have difficulty pick up.how likely is call out.if you book a taxi you can cancel no?

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:07

Not sure about odds of being called out over that time period - I'd say 50/50

OP posts:

NotAnotherParkingFine · 19/11/2018 21:07

Tbh his was booked first. Er, no it wasn't if he didn't tell anybody. Personally I doubt it was booked before last week. He has cocked up here not the OP, so it's his problem to resolve. What's his solution OP?

timeisnotaline · 19/11/2018 21:09

I’d get dh to make the other arrangements for dd or at least some of them, because while I wouldn’t cancel a weekend away for children of that age I’d be pissed at the lack of notice. I’d tell him if conflicts come up again because of his slackness his weekend away/ event will be cancelled because thats a partnership. Not just assuming op will do anything that needs doing.

Aridane · 19/11/2018 21:10

YABU

Nothgnthat can’t be overcome with a bit of forward planning (as other posters have identified) - eg pre booking taxi

CandleWithHair · 19/11/2018 21:11

Gotta, because he didn’t tell OP at the time he booked his weekend away! OP said had she known she’d have booked that weekend as not on call. She was only ok with the last minute notification before the party cropped up. So, his problem to fix IMHO

RedSkyLastNight · 19/11/2018 21:12

Well if staying at a friend's is out, can DD ask her friends if their parents will give her a lift home? I'm forever driving my DC's friends places when their parents can't (they do return the favour). I know you are rural but unless you're really miles and miles out of the way, I don't think most people would mind.

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:12

Those who say "just book a taxi" - would you genuinely be ok with your 15yo cooking home on their own late at night when you're several hundred miles away, unable to leave if there was an emergency and potentially unable to discuss any problems with your child if they arise. Not only am I working, I am often uncontactable for several hours at a time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:13

Coming home, not cooking. Cooking at home I'd be cool with!

OP posts:

00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:18

are you just looking for excuses to cancel Dhs weekend away?

there's NOBODY ELSE in the entire world that could take/collect your daughter from this party? it has to be you or DH? ... you have no siblings... no aunties.. no uncles... no friends... no neighbours... no babysitters/ child minders you know... no parents of DDs friends that could ferry.... not one other person in your child's life that could do you a favour this one time?

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