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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is being selfish over his weekend away

175 replies

Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 20:06

DH announced to me at the weekend that he had booked a weekend away (Saturday to Sunday) this coming weekend. He had apparently booked it several months ago and had forgotten to tell me. Unfortunately I'm on call this weekend. The nature of my on calls means that I could be expected to go to any part of the UK with an hour's notice. We have 3 children living at home, aged 16, 15 and 13. We've left them on their own overnight once for about 24 hours in total.

I wasn't particularly pleased about DH being away the weekend I was on call for several reasons, but mainly because I think it's unfair on the kids being left on their own for a long period of time and also not very nice to wake up in the morning and not know whether you even have a parent in the house. But hey, it's a one-off.

Dd (15) has now been invited to a party this Saturday night. She doesn't get invited to many parties and she is desperate to go. With DH being away I don't see how she can go because I don't know whether I will be able to pick her up. Her friends don't live locally so can't give a lift, we are rural so no buses. If it was me, I would cancel my weekend away but DH is refusing. I think he's being selfish. AIBU?

OP posts:
00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:20

" when you're several hundred miles away, unable to leave if there was an emergency and potentially unable to discuss any problems with your child if they arise. "

what is your job?? are you a spy??

00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:21

Also, the party is a bit irrelevant - what if there was an emergency at home when you "several hundred miles away" ?

MyBrexitIsIll · 19/11/2018 21:22

I’d like to understand why it is you that is trying to organise everything and make the weekend work for everyine when it is your DH who has fuck things up by forgetting to put things in the calendar.

Fwiw we have one too. H has forgotten to put some things which resulted in double booking. He sorted stuff. It didn’t happened again.

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:24

what if there was an emergency at home when you "several hundred miles away" ?

I totally agree. Hence not being happy about him going away when I'm on call in the first place.

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 19/11/2018 21:24

Why would you be several hundred miles away on call?

cptartapp · 19/11/2018 21:26

I kind of understand. We live rurally with similar age DC. Parents are dead, PIL are 80's and an hour away. As are our two siblings (one we never see). Neither of us have any aunts, uncles, cousins etc in the whole county, no family at all in fact. Even friends are half an hour away. Just us and the DC.
In your circumstance I would ask one if your DD's friend's parent to drop her back, making sure I spoke to them personally and offered to do the next pick up.
I sympathise. Having so little support is hard.

category12 · 19/11/2018 21:27

If you have an hour's notice, surely you can pick up dd and take her home from the party if necessary and then go off to wherever?

I still think your dh is a dick, natch.

user1486076969 · 19/11/2018 21:28

Reallybadidea - I'm now more interested in what job you do?Grin

00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:28

DH didn't fuck things up. It would have been an ordinary weekend. DH away, OP at home on call, kids at home. yes he told them all a bit late, which was unhelpful. but now DD wants to go to a party after the weekend trip was known about. And now OP wants DH to cancel the planned trip away, on the off chance OP gets called, he can be around to collect her.

Now OP seems to be intimating that only she or DH are the only people in the entire world that could possibly collect DD from said party... and that DDs need to go to party should trump DHs (poorly) planned trip.

Why the DD can;t get lift off anyone, or get the oft suggested taxi 0- is because it "might not turn up" and apparently DD is incapable of using Google and a Phone to book herself another taxi in that hugely unlikely event.
I'd be worried if my DSjustturned15 couldn't sort himself out if a booked taxi didn't turn up :/

00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:29

so what is it you do? that you are the only person on call in the entire country and there's no second duty person on rota?

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:29

Why would you be several hundred miles away on call?

Because although my team covers our region primarily (which is several hundred miles end to end) we are also on call nationally if local teams are unavailable. It's a very specialised medical service.

OP posts:
00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:30

@MyBrexitIsIll ^^

MsTSwift · 19/11/2018 21:31

Brings back memories of being a teen in a village with shit (ie none at night) public transport chosen to live in a small city my kids don’t know how lucky they are (well they do as I frequently tell them!)

00100001 · 19/11/2018 21:31

what if you are on call at a job and another call comes in 300 miles away, who responds then?

Mucky1 · 19/11/2018 21:32

Let teen go to the party 🎉 if you get a call go and pick her up then zip off to work. Sorted.

Frouby · 19/11/2018 21:33

I would not be happy with dh being away that weekend. Not because of the party, but because I wouldnt be happy with 3 children being left alone overnight. At 16,15 and 13 they are children still. Parents down the road in a pub or restaurant or 20 minutes away at work is one thing. An emergency like an A and E trip is understandable. Being away on a fun weekend is something completely different.

If you are working your dh should be home. Especially as he has only just announced his trip.

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 19/11/2018 21:34

what if you are on call at a job and another call comes in 300 miles away, who responds then?

The next closest team, nationally. Or they have to wait for us to get back. It is not uncommon to be called on a Friday morning, get back late Friday night, go straight out again until Saturday morning and go straight out again getting back Saturday evening. We sleep in the ambulance Hmm

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 19/11/2018 21:39

I live rurally and my DD's got taxi's home all the time at that age. Book in advance with a local reputable company and get her to message you when she is home. If she gets stranded at her friends (as mine did sometimes) she bunks down and gets home the next day. It will be fine i promise you.

bigchris · 19/11/2018 21:41

Ask dd to get a friend at the party to get taxi with her and stay for a sleepover

Lichtie · 19/11/2018 21:41

Nothing to do with your dilemma but this is confusing. Why do you need to be on call for a medical situation that can take 5 or 6 hours to respond to. It can't be an emergency so why are you even on call in the first place?

Go on, admit it, you're a spy.

Aridane · 19/11/2018 21:44

DH didn't fuck things up. It would have been an ordinary weekend. DH away, OP at home on call, kids at home. yes he told them all a bit late, which was unhelpful. but now DD wants to go to a party after the weekend trip was known about. And now OP wants DH to cancel the planned trip away, on the off chance OP gets called, he can be around to collect her.

Now OP seems to be intimating that only she or DH are the only people in the entire world that could possibly collect DD from said party... and that DDs need to go to party should trump DHs (poorly) planned trip.

Why the DD can;t get lift off anyone, or get the oft suggested taxi 0- is because it "might not turn up" and apparently DD is incapable of using Google and a Phone to book herself another taxi in that hugely unlikely event.
I'd be worried if my DSjustturned15 couldn't sort himself out if a booked taxi didn't turn up :/

.

ThIs!

scaryteacher · 19/11/2018 21:44

Transporting organs for donation perhaps Lichtie?

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 19/11/2018 21:45

Only on mumsnet will you get such dense responses picking on everything from your job through to accusing you of being controlling of your husband
However I don't think a kids party should trump a weekend away unless he does this all the time

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/11/2018 21:45

You live rurally. You have teenagers. You must realise that you were going to need to make some decisions to give them a reasonable social life. This is one of them. And your DH had already booked his time off. I think it's your responsibility to sort it out.

ILoveAutum · 19/11/2018 21:46

I wouldn’t have a problem with my 15yo getting brought home by taxi, if I booked the taxi. I wouldn’t be happy with them flagging one down from town or something.

Have a sitter on call. You’ll pay for that either way, but it’s peace of mind ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

There’s no way DH should cancel going away so your 15yo can go to a party, that’s ridiculous.