Inheritance advice

[clarepetal]

Really not sure what to do here.
My Dad died of cancer nearly 3 years ago, he had an aunt who did not have any children of her own so when she dies any inheritance would have gone between him and his brother (my uncle).
As soon as he was diagnosed, he sat down with my mum ran through all the finances and said when his aunt died that he wanted his inheritance to go to straight to her rather than my brother and I as she would need it more and it would eventually come to us through inheritance from her (and him). He also said that she would be ok, their mortgage is paid off and they had some savings although not much. She works part time. He died, very sad property all in her name now.

Fast forward 3 years, his great aunt dies, we assume that he'd spoken to his brother to ask that his share of any inheritance go straight to my mum. The dozy bugger never had that conversation and we've been told that some inheritance is coming to my brother and I, nothing to my mum.
The aibu is this, I have no idea how much we're talking, but should I give it to my mum, it's what she'd like, it's what dad wanted, but bloody hell I could do with it. I'm in a 2 bedroom flat that needs new bathroom and kitchen and I'm skint. Am I a greedy CF, reading this back, I think I ought to give it to mum but I secretly want to use it for my flat. Please don't be brutal....

How about a compromise? 50/50 between you and your mum?

I don't think YABU in wanting to keep some of it, after all it's your great aunt's money, not your Dad's. It's possible he did have the conversation with her but she chose not to change her will and to leave it to you and your brother rather than your mum.

What does your brother think- have you asked him?

I think you should wait and see how much it is.
Then maybe have a conversation with your brother.
One way would be for both of you to keep half and pass half up to your Mum, so you get 1/4, 1/4, 1/2.

The thing is, only you know your family's financial situation - is your Mum comfortable or scrimping and saving?
(Plus, if it is your Mum's it could all go in care home fees.)

it's your great aunt's money, not your Dad's

That is the long and short of it.
She could have used her own free choice to change her Will, but chose not to. Your late father cannot posthumously decide what you you do with an inheritance from, your late Aunt.

Well, your dad couldn't make that decision for your aunt, legally. Had he still been alive he could have done with that money as he saw fit, but now, your aunt can do with her money as she wants, and if intestate, the law will do as the law does.

Being brutal, take your money, give thanks to your aunt, and spend it how you want to!

It sounds as though you have been brought up to be a martyr to your mother's needs.... you don't have to be!

What does the will say and when was it last updated? Are you getting it because it was written into the will specifically after your fathers death or are you only getting it because you are the the heirs of your father and it hasn't been updated since he died?

What is your mum’s situation like? Is she well enough off to manage? Are things tight for her too? Would she resent you keeping the money?

Are you sure it was willed to your dad in the first place? She may have just willed it to you two after your dad died.

How much does your Mum need it?
I think you need to know roughly how much it is before you can make any decisions.
Your Great Aunt has made her decision, and in some ways I think you should respect her wishes.
That's not to say you can't help your Mum out, but think of yourself, and what your Great Aunt would want.

I'm sorry for your losses

Your dad was over-reaching im afraid.

Your aunt decides who gets the money. You can think about what to do with your portion when you get it but your dad was wrong to put that expectation on your mum.

I’m sorry you have lost your father and your great aunt.
However, he had a nerve assuming he was going to inherit anything from his aunt. She could have left nothing, spent all her money on fags and gin, left it to her friends or the local cat rescue. It was certainly not his to decide what would happen to your aunt’s money or your inheritance.
If you and your brother decide to give some to your mother, then that is your decision. You have no legal or moral duty to do so, regardless of what her late father said.

It's entirely possible that your great Aunt did not want to leave it to your Mum, but to you and your brother, regardless of what your Dad did or didn't say to her. I have an aunt in a similar position, and there is no way she would leave money to my partner rather than my adult children.

So I would say it is entirely up to you whether you wish to gift some money to your mother or not.

Well it was never your dads inheritance so he had no right to dictate what happened to the money. There is probably a reason why your great aunt left it to you and not your mother. It’s your money now so you are perfectly entitled to choose to do whatever you like with it.

What everyone else has said. It wasn't his inheritance. It was up to the great aunt who she left it to and even if she had left him some, that became void on his, earlier, death. Not up to him to say how it should be lefta

Was there a will? Your mum would never have inherited anything from your dad's aunt unless there was a will. Under the intestacy rules she would get nothing because the blood tie was between your great aunt and your dad, not your mum.

I agree with others, this is one to talk through with your brother first.

If there hadn't been you & your brother it would all have gone to your uncle most likely!

Why would his aunt have wanted his wife to inherit directly from her?

Why would your dad not have wanted you & your brother to have it?

Well your father was very wrong. The money is yours BUT for me it would depend, does your mother need it to live or will be spent loads on luxuries?

Wait and see how much it is, then talk to your brother

Don't assume that it'll come to you eventually - your mum will surely spend it? Why would she want it so much if it's just to sit in an account. Of course if you give it to her she'd have every right to spend it, it'd be weird to give it to her not to use... Of course care costs may also eat it.

Your mum owns her home outright. Is she struggling financially? If she's more comfortably off than you I wouldn't give it to her. If she's struggling probably split it.

It's your Great Aunt's decision stated in her Will that should be followed.

The money never belonged to your Dad, so he didn't have the right to decide how it should be divided in the future.

As a pp mentions, if your Mother receives it, it could well all be swallowed up in care fees, or if she remarries her new husband could benefit from it, or she could leave it all to the cats' home!

If it's a vast sum, it will be easier to give a portion to your Mum, especially if you and your brother agree what to do together.

And that's another consideration, if you & your brother agree to act in tandem it will be easier for your Mother to come to terms with her possibly not getting the whole amount. But if you & your brother do different things, it might cause a family breach between you all.

Were you all involved with this conversation with your Dad about the money, or has your Mother just told you about it now? Is there any paperwork to support her claim as to what his wishes were?

Has your Mum got plans for the money? You say she would like it, yet she's comfortable and mortgage free. Would she not rather help out her struggling children?

Take the gift the way the giver intended (always the right thing to do IMO). Do what you like with it. If you chose to be generous to your mum that's your call.

I think its going to depend entirely on what your great aunt chose to do with the money and how much of it there is. Did your GA actually say no, she wanted to leave her money to you and your brother, or did she die intestate hence it coming to you? Is there enough to do something meaningful for both you two and your mum? Get more details before deciding.

But I agree, its a tricky one.

I don’t understand.

Dad died before your Aunty. If Aunty died intestate, your Dads share would go to your Mum. Your Dads wishes aren’t legally relevant.

If Aunty had a Will stating a split between her brothers and the Will had no provision for what would happen if one or both of the brothers predecessed her, then your Dad proportion would go to your Mum.

What does the Will say.

It's really usual that if someone predeceases you, what you wanted them to have goes to their decendants.

If your mum has a house she can get money, downsize, equity release, lodgers... of course then you may not inherit it.
You could help her out if she needs it, but don't if you are going to struggle. Also it may come to nothing, don't count chickens until they hatch.

No, your mum would inherit from your dad, but not from his relatives.

So your Aunts will stated that it would go either to your dad or to you and your brother if he predeceased you? If that is the case then you should keep it as it was your Aunts wishes. The fact is that it was her decision where the money should go and not your dads, so everyone concerned should respect that.