Inheritance advice

[clarepetal]

Really not sure what to do here.
My Dad died of cancer nearly 3 years ago, he had an aunt who did not have any children of her own so when she dies any inheritance would have gone between him and his brother (my uncle).
As soon as he was diagnosed, he sat down with my mum ran through all the finances and said when his aunt died that he wanted his inheritance to go to straight to her rather than my brother and I as she would need it more and it would eventually come to us through inheritance from her (and him). He also said that she would be ok, their mortgage is paid off and they had some savings although not much. She works part time. He died, very sad property all in her name now.

Fast forward 3 years, his great aunt dies, we assume that he'd spoken to his brother to ask that his share of any inheritance go straight to my mum. The dozy bugger never had that conversation and we've been told that some inheritance is coming to my brother and I, nothing to my mum.
The aibu is this, I have no idea how much we're talking, but should I give it to my mum, it's what she'd like, it's what dad wanted, but bloody hell I could do with it. I'm in a 2 bedroom flat that needs new bathroom and kitchen and I'm skint. Am I a greedy CF, reading this back, I think I ought to give it to mum but I secretly want to use it for my flat. Please don't be brutal....

Now you are worried that your mum will fall out with you if you don't share this money.
Have you always been been blackmailed to do things by your parents?
No-one should ever expect an inheritance as several posts have pointed out.

Your parents had years to ensure that their future was financially secure out of their own pocket.

I wonder how much they helped you out financially?
Now I know for definite why my paternal GPS left us equal shares of their estate with my parents.
No way my mum would have passed anything on and she would have stopped my dad doing so as well.

I think in your position I would split it in three, but I'd be very annoyed with my mum if she thought she should have it all.

Given the current arrangements splitting in 3 effectively means handing 1/2 your share to the DB in addition to his own share. Why would you do that? Also it sounds like you are the only one with GC whose future family money should be promoting.

So your dad knew that he would die before his aunt, and that she was going to leave him half her estate.

He assumed he would die first and wanted this estate to go to his wife instead.

But no one asked great aunt or told her clearly that he was dying.

So by default you get the money.

I think morally you should pass it to your mum.

"I think morally you should pass it to your mum."

Why?

I think morally you should pass it to your mum.

I think this is rubbish. It was never your dad’s money. I have a nephew and I may leave his mother (my sister) some money in my will. I don’t want any partner she has to have the money - that’s my choice.

For morally, read under duress and emotional blackmail, you mean!

If your DM is so worried about money, perhaps she should charge your dip shit free loading brother rent.

She’s not legally or morally entitled to any inheritance that you receive from anyone.

Re a big family fall out: that would happen because she’s not getting her own way. That’s not on your shoulders.

Re her new partner, are you sure she won’t leave everything to him?

I am over invested in this thread. Sorry OP.

OP, I can see your desire to help your mum out. I think I would feel a bit like that knowing it was your dad's wish, he died young and maybe she has more years to plan for than she expected, and she helps you out with childcare.

Nevertheless, it doesn't sit well with me. The woman was your dad's aunt - your mum was, frankly, a nobody to her in the grand scheme of things. I can't imagine putting my hand out (rather than have a legacy go to my daughters) if my DH passed away before his siblings and if I was aware I was being left something by a parent's sibling but likely to predecease them I cannot imagine a conversation where, although there were other legal heirs, I might try to influence them to give it to a partner I was leaving behind. This is incredibly entitled and frankly quite odd behaviour from the standpoint of your paternal family.

Do you think when your mum means: "It's all going through legal channels" you are likely to get presented with a Deed of Novation to Sign? Because that would really be quite shit.

The fact that this woman had dementia also makes me feel that the Will should be just as intended, not she's not well now and we can't influence her now but we'll sort it out when she's gone, sort of thing.

If she's got a new partner OP DO NOT sign the money over.

Why is it that families will always allow money to tear them apart? The 3 of you are adults and if any one of you isn't satisfied with an equal 3 way split then that person's priorities are not their family.

How does an equal 3 way split make any sense? Either you follow the Will and Aunt's written intentions and split it 2 ways between siblings or you vary the terms and follow DF's wish to pass his expectation to DM. Either way it would then be for the recipients to do something re gifts to each other on a needs / ex gratia basis. Would assume that even DF would have been expecting DM to do the right thing by their joint DC even under the scenario where she gets everything. The DD and GC's need looks to be much more than that of DM.

Maybe your Dad have the conversation with his Aunt and she decided that upon your Dad's death she would prefer you and your brother to have your Dad's share rather than your mother.
Your Dad's brother would not have been able to alter his Aunt's will because your Dad wanted him to.
Personally, I don't think you need to feel morally obliged to give your Mum all/some of your share just because your Dad wanted her to receive his share of his inheritance (but not knowing what his Aunt would have wanted). Although family relations are very important and not doing so could result in a fall out.

It was never his decision to make. Respect her wishes.

if you claim any benefits and give the money that should be yours to your mother you could be said to have impoverished yourself and lose benefits

Powers of attorney to do give you the power to alter a will ever, provided will was made when of sound mind, if will is not valid because of unsound mind intestacy rules apply not a will drawn up by POA

probably your great aunt expected to die before your father and therefore your father could have done what he liked with the money, however when your father died early your Aunt could not rewrite will as she according to info had by then lost capacity to change will, once she had lost capacity no amount of talking between your father and his brother could have altered the will so your father should have known as will could not be altered that you and your brother would inherit,
your father unfortunately gave your mother false hope of money coming to her he should have known that money would go to you and DB, obviously if your mother had known that the money would go to you and DB she would have had no expectation of getting it and therefore could not be surprised at not getting it.

if your mother is struggling your brother needs to contribute to household expenses

as someone mentioned the will can be varied within 2 years of aunt's death but only if you and your brother agree as the variation would disadvantage you

I would take the money and then give your mother some of your share as a gift, she must now know she has no legal entitlement to it you have a duty to your mother for sure but also to your child as well surely your mother doesn't want her grandchild being in bad circumstances while she lives it up

I think morally because it looks as though it's defaulted to op because her dad died - ie ops dad or descendants, not 'name of op' so the aunt didn't specifically want her to have the money.

If the dad had lived he would have inherited the money and passed it to his wife.

But that's my family and my relationships - I couldn't profit from the situation.

No idea on the intricacies of ops family dynamics.

It's your inheritance, but you should do what you can to make sure your mum doesn't struggle.

Have you considered the fact that perhaps your GA didn't like your DM? Maybe she didn't want her to have it. There are a lot of different things to think about but ultimately I would not be handing over the whole lot, and frankly DM wouldn't want me to. People often turn nasty when money is involved so please don't let this ruin a good relationship with her

"I think morally because it looks as though it's defaulted to op because her dad died "

Yes, that is probably the case.

But Op's dad died 3yrs ago-her mum cannot have been sitting around waiting for his aunt to die in all of that time!

She is obviously able to manage day to day without it!

@diddl you'd be surprised how many people sit around and 'wait' for someone to die, essentially doing nothing until they get a big inheritance and suddenly their life begins

Op's mum is currently working part-time. She's managing day to day now, but she won't be able to work forever.

Teacup Op would be able to do a deed of variation without her brother's consent. I did it for my mother's will. The variation didn't disadvantage my brother, only me, because I was passing on a share of my legacy to my dcs.

Unless there is a specific mention of Op and her brother in the will, Op's mum may have assumed she would be next in line after her husband's death because she was his next of kin. She's wrong, but it's a reasonable assumption.

Quite a few posters seem to be projecting their own emotions about mothers or the older generation on to Op's situation. I don't see any evidence for calling her a cheeky fucker.

I'm sure Op and her mum will work it out. Just be very firm indeed with your db, Op. If you give your mother something, he should match it. These things fester for ever if there's a sniff of unfairness.

Op's mum is currently working part-time. She's managing day to day now, but she won't be able to work forever. Then her son can help her out financially, seeing as he is living in her house and, apparently, not paying his way!

What you see as projecting could just as easily posters having no skin in the game and so giving impartial advice - like BEWARE TAX IMPLICATIONS! Whereas you say you have CHOSEN to do something similar, probably because you could afford to. OP doesn't seem to be in the same financial predicament!

I do so live you last comment! Like, erm, projecting maybe?!?! [smile[

"Just be very firm indeed with your db, Op. If you give your mother something, he should match it."

Hahahahahaha!

Why should he, diddl? You say it as if that's the law.

Op's mum is currently working part-time. She's managing day to day now, but she won't be able to work forever.

So she should have made plans not rely on inheritance or expect to receive money that has been left to her kids.
Imo that's pretty cheeky!