Inheritance advice

[clarepetal]

Really not sure what to do here.
My Dad died of cancer nearly 3 years ago, he had an aunt who did not have any children of her own so when she dies any inheritance would have gone between him and his brother (my uncle).
As soon as he was diagnosed, he sat down with my mum ran through all the finances and said when his aunt died that he wanted his inheritance to go to straight to her rather than my brother and I as she would need it more and it would eventually come to us through inheritance from her (and him). He also said that she would be ok, their mortgage is paid off and they had some savings although not much. She works part time. He died, very sad property all in her name now.

Fast forward 3 years, his great aunt dies, we assume that he'd spoken to his brother to ask that his share of any inheritance go straight to my mum. The dozy bugger never had that conversation and we've been told that some inheritance is coming to my brother and I, nothing to my mum.
The aibu is this, I have no idea how much we're talking, but should I give it to my mum, it's what she'd like, it's what dad wanted, but bloody hell I could do with it. I'm in a 2 bedroom flat that needs new bathroom and kitchen and I'm skint. Am I a greedy CF, reading this back, I think I ought to give it to mum but I secretly want to use it for my flat. Please don't be brutal....

"Fast forward 3 years, his great aunt dies, we assume that he'd spoken to his brother to ask that his share of any inheritance go straight to my mum. The dozy bugger never had that conversation and we've been told that some inheritance is coming to my brother and I, nothing to my mum."
But that's not how it works, OP! Legally, it's not up to the legatees, but the legator, how the inheritance is distributed! As others have said, though, if you wanted to, you and your brother could give financial gifts to your mother from your inheritance, but neither you nor your brother (or your uncle) are obliged to give anything to your mother. Is she expecting it? Also, it could be that when your father died, your great aunt altered her will so that his "share" (if, indeed, he had one!) was allocated to his brother, and you and your brother have been left token amounts by your great aunt, which would mean there would be nothing much to give to your mother in any case.

I think that it would be unusual for a person to choose to leave their inheritance to a relative's spouse unless they had a very close relationship.

Also, it could be that when your father died, your great aunt altered her will so that his "share" (if, indeed, he had one!) was allocated to his brother, and you and your brother have been left token amounts by your great aunt, which would mean there would be nothing much to give to your mother in any case.

A very possible scenario.

I also wonder how well your DM even knew this lady.

Gosh this is tricky but I think it needs an honest conversation between you and your mother and brother to see what expectations are but I agree it wasn't your dads money to dish out.

Are you sure he didn't raise it? May be great aunt was aware but decided she wanted to leave it to you and your brother. As PP have said, perhaps you've not been left your dad's share, but rather a great niece and nephew amount. What has your brother said?

Hang on a minute, your dad decided what another person would do with their money?
That's not up to him. It was always up to the person. She could have legally left it all to the local animal charity at the end of the day.
I cannot get my head around why he would be speaking about what another person would do with their money instead of talking about his own stuff.

Thinking longer term, your DM could remarry - and that money would then go to her new husband not you if she dies first.
That's why your aunt has done what she has.
Agree with other PPs - her money, her choice. It was never your parent's decision.

Teen above makes a good point about Care Home fees eating up your inheritance, and OP, what if your mother remarries and your Aunts inheritance then goes to her new husband (and his kids) and you are left with nothing.

I do think folk should pay their way, but with large sums of money it needs to be handled properly.

Really if the amount is significant you need to see a Financial Adviser so the money is shared, saved, invested or whatever. Don't rely on what others say on here, but it is a good place to get a general idea!

Lastly, I'm sure your dad was just doing his best in a terrible situation, and trying to make sure your mum was ok after he had passed.

I have been in this situation.

My father died some time ago and my Uncle, who had no wife or children, died 5 years ago. His estate was split between his 4 siblings with my Father’s portion going to me and my 2 half siblings.

Legally that is the way it goes. I felt guilty that my Mum wasn’t going to get anything so I split my portion with her. My half sister gave her 1k and my half brother kept his share.

I agree, never was your mum to Inherit.
Is it a lot?
If so you could buy shares in your mums house to make sure you safe guard your inheritance.

NoDancingPolicy that reminds me of what happened with Lynda Bellingham's estate going to her husband and expecting him to do the right thing by her sons from a previous relationship. Not how it seems to have gone.

I hope you can work something out OP. Cut and dried it's yours, but I can see it could cause ructions with your mum. I think once you know the amount it may make it all easier. I'm assuming your dad had an expectation for the sum involved.

Lots of people choose to leave inheritance down the family blood line. Your dad may have prefered the aunt's money to go to his wife as he died before the aunt.

However, as others have said, this decision was not his to make. Your aunt may have preferred to send the money further down the blood line... to you and your brother. She may not have had any particular affinity with her Sil. Many people don't.

On the other hand she may have left you and your brother a token amount and left most of it to your mother. In which case you won't have any decision to make.

Assuming the money has all been left to you and your brother ...then it was your aunt's money and her choice how she left it.

You could go 50/50 with your mother. You and your brother could decide to go a third each way which I think is more reasonable rather than you getting 25% each and your mother 50%.
Your brother might decide to keep all of his leaving you to make what ever decision you like with your share.

In any event if the money is legally yours and you need it more than your mother does it would be incredibly generous if you, or both you and your brother, decide on any split with your mother.

Money and families often opens up all kinds of issues, but seriously, your dad can't decide from beyond the grave, what happens to your aunt's money. I do hope that if you decide to be generous and share some with your mother, that this is appreciated and doesn't bring a storm of reproach down on your shoulders for not handing over it all when you have needs as well. Good luck op x

"Without a will, the money is op and her brother's."

Wouldn't it also go to any reaining sibling?

Op I would say don't give ypir mu anything.

If she is struggling, help her to downsize/learn to live within her means.

Agree with PP's. Your Dad was no longer a factor in her will once he died.

Regardless of intestacy, in my experience most wills are written such money passes down to blood relatives rather than to a spouse.

My dad died not long before my Grandma. Her will stated that her money was split between my dad and his brother & sister, however in the event that one of them pre-deceased her, it would pass to that sibling's children, so I got his share. My aunt thought it would be split between her and my uncle though as my dad he died

If it’s left to you, keep it and use it.

Agree you should keep it if you need it.

Your dad was wrong saying you would get the inheritance anyway from his wife eventually - she might blow it/remarry/need care etc and there might not be any left.

And I've just reread that your mum is mortgage free, has some saving and works part time.

No way I would give it away. She's obviously comfortable and can downsize if needed. You need it more.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I have a feeling although not completely sure that before dad was even diagnosed, my uncle and he were joint power of attorney for her affairs as she was getting old and confused.
I guess maybe he could have changed her will then perhaps but certainly didn't and I imagine not with my uncles agreement. A lot of you are saying that I should stand by GA wishes as she wanted my brother and I to inherit- this isn't the case.
My uncle only told her about the death of my father once at which she went very quiet then changed the subject- as she was quite old and dementing by then we don't know if she even remembered and didn't want to upset her.
Mum said to me over the phone that 'it's all going down the legal route' so I assume that my dad's share is going between my brother and I.
As I said I have no idea how much it is, after all this I'll laugh if it's £2.50!!
I'm just conflicted because she was hoping it would go to her, especially as dad wanted it to, but as a lot of people said, and this is what concerns me, it may get eaten up in nursing home fees or if she remarries go to her new husband bwhixh I don't think would be fair.
She has been banking on this money though, but as I said her mortgage is paid, she has another 4 years of working (part time) and some savings. I think she'll be gutted if we keep the money,y brother is living pretty much rent free at hers (that's another story!) And she helps me out a lot with looking after my son. I have spoken to my brother though and he says not to worry about it until we know how much it will be.

I am not trying to make you feel you should give any to your mum. I am just saying what my decision was. My mum would never have asked or expected this money. I wasn’t expecting it either and I think that is why I felt I should share.

My mum was in her late 70’s and had never really had much money. My Father didn’t die leaving her destitute but I know she worried about heating and food costs and maintenance issues with the house.

She is now in a nursing home but I don’t feel bad about the money going to that either. For a few years she enjoyed having the heating up high, food shopping in M&S and treating her grandchildren now and again.

It’s your money to do what you want with, give it to charity, spend it or gift some to relatives but it’s not for anyone else to decide

I see, so your great aunt may not have had capacity to change her will after your dad's death. I think your brother is right - wait and see how much it is.

Your mum may have been expecting something but she can't have predicted an amount. It sounds like your GA may have had some care needs in recent years and that can deplete savings rapidly.

Your mum sounds worse with every post! She is being really manipulative. Have you always been expected to do what is best for her, regardless?

Even as an executor your dad COULD NOT Have changed or made a will for his aunt. POA wouldn't have given him carte blanche either. Your uncle sounds eminently sensible!

THE LEGAL ROUTE just means that your GAs money is being distributed according to the law!

Your brother is quite sensible - living for free and waiting to see how much money your mum is frantically trying to get her hands on!

I hope you manage to get rid of that sense of obligation, fear of disappointing! There's nothing wrong with choosing to keep or to share any inheritance, but it should be done freely, without any arm twisting!

And if it turns out to be a sizeable lump do remember to protect yourself tax wise, as others have said!

"She has been banking on this money though,"

Why?

clarepetal what's she banking on it for do you know? To pay off a credit card? To retire early? To do work on her house (like you'd like to on your flat)? Round the world trip?

Banking on an inheritance is pretty much setting yourself up for trouble and disappointment, because its far from guaranteed. Was your great aunt in a care home herself, as she had dementia? Maybe whatever money she had when your dad was alive has already gone on her care costs, and there are just personal effects to inherit.

As she does childcare for you and your brother lives with her rent free it certainly increases the likelihood that she'll feel justified in being upset if there is a useful sum and you keep it. Makes splitting it seem more reasonable. Your brother definitely needs to be on the same page, not keeping his share, staying in his rent free accommodation at your mum's expense while you give your share to your mum!

If your DB is sponging not contributing to your DM income then in actual fact, if you give her any of your inheritance you will be paying for your DB to live there for nothing, no wonder he said to wait and see, it doesn't sound like he is going to be very forthcoming imho . As for your DM helping you out with your DD's care, well that is a great privilege for her and it is what most caring grandparents would love to do imho. She only works part time , if she wanted to presumably she could work full time, unless she works p/t to have your DD if that is the case then perhaps you need to pay her for childcare? I think you may have a slight conscience about this OP and if l were you l would not agree to anything too hastily. Good Luck with it all