Inheritance advice

[clarepetal]

Really not sure what to do here.
My Dad died of cancer nearly 3 years ago, he had an aunt who did not have any children of her own so when she dies any inheritance would have gone between him and his brother (my uncle).
As soon as he was diagnosed, he sat down with my mum ran through all the finances and said when his aunt died that he wanted his inheritance to go to straight to her rather than my brother and I as she would need it more and it would eventually come to us through inheritance from her (and him). He also said that she would be ok, their mortgage is paid off and they had some savings although not much. She works part time. He died, very sad property all in her name now.

Fast forward 3 years, his great aunt dies, we assume that he'd spoken to his brother to ask that his share of any inheritance go straight to my mum. The dozy bugger never had that conversation and we've been told that some inheritance is coming to my brother and I, nothing to my mum.
The aibu is this, I have no idea how much we're talking, but should I give it to my mum, it's what she'd like, it's what dad wanted, but bloody hell I could do with it. I'm in a 2 bedroom flat that needs new bathroom and kitchen and I'm skint. Am I a greedy CF, reading this back, I think I ought to give it to mum but I secretly want to use it for my flat. Please don't be brutal....

Done Will drafting for myself and consulted about it by about half a dozen relatives. Solicitors always ask what the Will writer wants to happen in the event the beneficiary predeceases them. It is almost beyond belief that the Great Aunt would not have thought through this scenario when she drew up her Will. The conclusion then is that she actively wished to favour Niece and Nephew over their Mother. This would also be the normal assumption. Later dementia is a Red Herring.

Howabout, above, has just said very well what I was thinking about the normal process and discussions when drawing up a will. The OP's great aunt would have been aware of what could happen should a beneficiary pre-decease her.

It actually is straightforward, and there is nothing complicated or out of the ordinary about the great aunt's will.

However, the OP is twice bereaved, and is struggling with loyalties to her mother here, as well as her own emotions and thoughts about this inheritance. Those of us who have no personal involvement can see that the OP is under pressure, consciously or sub-consciously, to act against her own interests, and are offering her an alternative perspective.

Your mother wants it? Oh, well, that's alright then. Of course she gets it.

It was never hers to have. It was never your dad's. It was your GA, now she has gone, it is yours and your brother's. Your mum is BVVVU and shouldn't get any. But I have a feeling you are going to hand it over.

Your Aunt has left it to you, so it is yours. Your Dad had the choice of what to do with his money, but this money wasn’t his to dish out.

The money never passed through your Dad's hands though- he died before your aunt, so it was never his money to distribute. You seem to have been led to believe that you are somehow cheating your mother out of money that never belonged to either her or your dad- it was always your Great Aunt's money.

You can never gamble on receiving an inheritance- your parents should have made appropriate provision before your dad's death, because his gamble of them being funded by the inheritance didn't work out.

If you hand over your share to your mother, then you'll be gambling on her passing it down to you- she might need to spend it all on nursing home fees, or remarry whereupon it would pass to her new husband, or spend it all on the bingo. You can't afford to take that gamble, and to be honest it's not really reasonable for any parent to expect to take money that their child inherited.

As you and your brother stand to receive an inheritance via intestacy laws, it might be best to wait for probate to take its course, and for the pair of you to then pay your mum appropriately for rent and childcare.

This isn't a legal problem. It's an emotional problem.

Op knows that her dad would have wanted her mum to have the money. He died prematurely. It's all v well pps saying they should have planned better for their retirement. I wonder how many of you have the spare cash to make long-term plans while bringing up a growing family. Like most parents, I guess they would have put the immediate needs of their dc before a more comfortable existence in old age.

From Op's point of view, this is an unexpected windfall. Normally, she would have had no expectation of an inheritance for decades yet. Unfortunately, this windfall is at her mother's expense. If she hadn't been unexpectedly widowed before retirement age, she and Op's dad would have had the benefit of the inheritance. Now she has lost not only her husband, but a financial cushion for the future. Her income will decrease on retirement, but her financial needs will increase as she gets older.

If I were in her position, I'd certainly want Op to be able to improve her living conditions. But I must admit I'd feel a bit hurt if my dcs decided to keep all the money. They are inheriting only because I'm now a widow and it wouldn't be what their dad would have wanted.

I've done regular childcare for my gd without thought of payment. I've had sons return home when I thought they'd flown the nest and not charged rent, just household expenses. It's what families do.

This isn't like a lottery win. Op is benefiting at her mother's expense. She knows that. It's why she's asked for opinions. Making out that her mother is financially improvident or grabby isn't helpful and, as far. as we know, far from the truth.

It's quite easy to do, legally. Providing she does a deed of variation within 2 years, she won't be liable for tax. She can do it for whatever amount she wants. It will be as if the money was left to her mother in the original will.

People who say hand it over are not struggling to keep a household together.
Keep it.

"Op knows that her dad would have wanted her mum to have the money."

It was all hypothetical on his part though as he never inherited it- & also had no way of knowing that there would even be anything to inherit!

I don’t get it. Sorry but it was not up to your dad how his aunts money was spread out after she died. He had no intitlement to this money it was her choice. If she wanted to still share money with your mum that was for her.

We had the same situation when my lovely uncle died, except his remaining brother and two sisters never told the solicitor there had been another brother ( our Dad) who had died 10 years previously. We let the solicitor know they were pulling a fast one, and myself and siblings got my Dads share.

My Mother seemed to think we should have included her in the share of the inheritance, she'd had everything of Dads, everything from a second husband, we children had, had nothing, I told her to bugger off. She has now spent the lot.

Keep it, it's rightfully yours

Op knows that her dad would have wanted her mum to have the money

But it never was her dad's money. It was her Great-Aunt's money, and if Great-Aunt had wanted her own money to go to OP's mum then Great-Aunt would have written a will . Great-Aunt was clearly happy to either leave the will with her legacy passing on to her nephew's children, or let the intestacy laws take their course so that her great niece and nephew inherited.

If OP's dad had power of attorney (with his brother) over Great-Aunts financial affairs before he became ill, surely he had the opportunity to make the necessary arrangements to pass an inheritance to OP's mother then?

@clarepetal, forgive me for asking but was it your mum or your dad that told you about the conversation between the two of them about how your Great-Aunt's legacy should be shared?

It sounds like your Aunt upon your Dads death changed her will. Inheritance to your Dad would go to next of kin which is your Mother. If the money goes to you it will be because you are named in the will or your parents weren't legally married.

@chutneyorchids

The OP's great aunt didn't change her will.

Inheritance normally passes on to the next generation if a beneficiary predeceases the person who has made the will. The money was never the OP's father's, so his widow has no claim on it.

"surely he had the opportunity to make the necessary arrangements to pass an inheritance to OP's mother then? "

I wouldn't have thought so.

The whole point is that he didn't inherit.

If he had done so he could have done as he wished.

this whole thing hinges on the OP's dad assuming he had rights to dictate what happens with cash which he never had.

if i promise my lottery win to you once the cheque arrives, you can't just demand it, because i haven't won it. i've made a promise i had no legal or moral basis to make - it's founded on BS, counting chickens that never even existed, never mind haven't hatched yet.

Your Great Aunt willed the money to you and your brother. You are her blood relatives not your mum so I think she was quite entitled to do as she has. Your Aunt could have left it all to the cat and dog home. Your dad had no say in what his aunt's wishes were.

I write wills for a living. When I’m with a client and we go though who they are leaving what to I (and I would like to think any professional) always asks, where, if the beneficiary dies before you, do you want that gift to go?

Assuming the aunt was asked this when she made her will it isnt just ‘by default’ that you and your brother are inheriting it’s was your aunts wish.

If you decide to give your mum some of your share that’s up to you but don’t think you’re doing anything wrong by keeping it. It certainly wasn’t your mums inheritance and going on the information given, she would have no legal claim on the estate.

Happy to assure everyone on mumsnet that I won't be leaving my nephew's wife a penny on my will. Great nieces and nephews*, if I don't have kids of my own, maybe.

• • apologies if not the terminology

The money would not be coming to you under the Will unless it was left that way!

Your Aunt, when she was of sound mind, made her will leaving your Father a share of her Estate and in the case that he predeceased her to his children in equal shares.

It was entirely wrong for your Father to promise this money to your Mum when those weren't your aunts wishes and you shouldn't feel that you have to do so because that goes specifically against your Aunts wishes and it was her money to leave.

I'm more at OP's Dad happily trying to take an inheritance away from his kids to give to his wife instead.

My Mum owns her own home outright. She's still in good health now but I'd like to think that when she's no longer able to work at all she'll sell the house and blow every penny she owns cruising round the world - as is her dream - until she dies."

There's nothing to stop OP's Mum doing the same thing and leaving absolutely zero to pass down.

Keep the money. How would you feel if you gave your share to your Mum, but your brother kept his?

So this money, it was never your Dads, it was just inheritance that he assumed he would be getting?

Maybe she never intended to pass it on to your Dad, maybe it was always meant for you and your DB

In her situation I would want to pass on to blood relatives too.

I think OP that you should keep it, it is what your Great Aunt wanted. She didnt want your Mother having it, simple.

You neednt feel guilty over this at all, the money was never your dads to 'promise' to your mother

You and your brother are your great aunt's blood relatives. I am absolutely certain that if she had been asked who she wanted to leave her inheritance to if your dad pre-deceased her she would have said you two, not your mother who is not related to her by blood and who seems to have had no special relationship with her. In fact, your great aunt was asked that question, whether explicitly or implicitly, as that is the way she had her will drawn up. Do not be guilted into gifting this money to your mother. By all means treat her to things out of it if you want to but it is your money so you get to make the decisions on how it is spent.

Have you even seen the will OP ?
Don’t do anything without financial advice.

Your aunt knew your Dad had died - she could have changed her will if she'd wanted to but she didn't. She left this money to you because she wanted to do so. Enjoy the money and don't feel guilty - your mother has had her inheritance and now it's your turn.