Inheritance advice

[clarepetal]

Really not sure what to do here.
My Dad died of cancer nearly 3 years ago, he had an aunt who did not have any children of her own so when she dies any inheritance would have gone between him and his brother (my uncle).
As soon as he was diagnosed, he sat down with my mum ran through all the finances and said when his aunt died that he wanted his inheritance to go to straight to her rather than my brother and I as she would need it more and it would eventually come to us through inheritance from her (and him). He also said that she would be ok, their mortgage is paid off and they had some savings although not much. She works part time. He died, very sad property all in her name now.

Fast forward 3 years, his great aunt dies, we assume that he'd spoken to his brother to ask that his share of any inheritance go straight to my mum. The dozy bugger never had that conversation and we've been told that some inheritance is coming to my brother and I, nothing to my mum.
The aibu is this, I have no idea how much we're talking, but should I give it to my mum, it's what she'd like, it's what dad wanted, but bloody hell I could do with it. I'm in a 2 bedroom flat that needs new bathroom and kitchen and I'm skint. Am I a greedy CF, reading this back, I think I ought to give it to mum but I secretly want to use it for my flat. Please don't be brutal....

Please keep this money - it's yours as your aunt wanted, and you need it.

Annabellelechter im guessing her plans did not include losing her husband before they reached retirement age. Have a bit of heart.

Morally? Respect your GA wishes
The Will has NOT been changed since your dads passing.
He was NEVER in it. It was always your GA’s intentions to leave the cash to you and your brother.
What your df wanted never mattered because it was not his cash to begin with.

There’s also the chance that he new this and it was his way of manipulating things.

Of couse it should be your choice. Just remember that your mum is in the financial situation she is in because she isn’t charging your brother a thing. And if you share he will benefit from this.

If she would rather you live with well needed repairs then this says a lot about her. Any decent parent would refuse the cash and prefer you dealt with repairs, debt whatever. Only selfish ones would have a tantrum

Where does it say that the dad wasn’t in the will?

Just to add, if a sum of money is left to you in an inheritance you can’t just give it to someone else. Lawyers need to draw up legal documents otherwise you could end up with all sorts of tax issues.

The money was always left to my dad.. I found out today that we will be receiving his share, nitba token, it's more of a legal thing as we are his blood relatives, it's not a case of my aunt bypassing my mum because she didn't like her- she wasn't aware that my dad was ill and that she would outlive him, but he did want any inheritance to go to mum.
She wants it because she's panicking as she's now on her own (she has no new partner) and I could do with it as I need to repair things in my flat.
For the sake of several grand it'll probably be easier to let her have it and hope she doesn't remarry or lose all of it in nursery fees. And I feel horrible thinking like that.

What does your Mum need the money for?

She could downsize (kick out freeloading DB) have cheaper bills and some savings in the bank that way?

The non-committal response from your brother suggestes that he may not hand over any or all of an inheritance. How would you feel if you gave your mother some or all of your share and he kept all of his?

Why does she need ALL of it? I find it selfish that she is putting her own needs above those of her grandchildren

It's kind that you want to share, but it isn't your mums money. It hasn't been left to her.

Instead of concentrating so much on your dads wishes, it isn't his money. You should think of your aunts wishes as it WAS her money.

Your mum shouldn't have been banking on money from a distant relative.

How much is it?
Under £10k
Under £50k
Under £100k
Or more?

I think your brother could definitely use his to pay his way at her house! She should be expecting him to come tribute anyway. It’s pretty shocking that he doesn’t

And you could give her a lump sum to represent a few years childcare, maybe?

It sounds as though your mum doesn't need the money as much as you do, but she does expect it. You should have a discussion with her about your respective financial positions and come to an agreement about if and how you will share the money. I don't think you should give her more than half, and preferably a lot less. If you do give her money, you can do it by a variation of the will, if the sums are large enough to warrant this.
I'm not an expert but it's my understanding that any tax due is paid by the estate before the money is paid out, not by the person inheriting.

Always, always always pass money down generations, not sideways.

Ridiculous to do anything else. It'll get swallowed up by tax, care home fees or simple mismanagement (if your mum doesn't have provision for old age, that in itself worries me about her financial acumen - sorry to be brutal but it does) eventually.

Your great aunt did you all a favour. Sub your mum money if she needs it of course, look after her etc ... but keep the bulk under your control.

OP, I mean this kindly.

You're thinking about this money as if it had been your father's. It was never your father's money. It was your great aunt's money and as inheritance is about passing assets down the family line, your great aunt's money has come to you.

Her money, not and never your father's money, is now yours. You and your DC would benefit from that money - you can use it to improve your lives right now. Please, take time to think about this and don't rush to give it all to mother because you still, wrongly, think of it as your father's money.

If your mother has money worries, then that is a separate issue, and she needs to take steps herself to address those worries, but taking your rightful inheritance is no solution.

"Why should he, diddl? You say it as if that's the law."

???????

"For the sake of several grand it'll probably be easier to let her have it"

What parent would begrudge their child a rightful inheritance?

Or their grandchild a comfortable home.

OP, please do seriously consider that you are being heavily guilted into doing something that is against your own best interests.

@Diddl. Exactly.

If your aunt wanted your mum to have it, she would have left it to her. Being brutal if your dad was that bothered about your mum they should have made proper provisions together themselves.
You can however choose to do with it whatever you wish, and that may include giving some to your mum. A couple of grand isn't going to keep her out of poverty forever though, what does she plan to do after she has used that up?

unfortunately by the time Op's dad died the aunt already had dementia so she was not in a state of mind to alter her will and having POA for her doesn't give you the right to alter a will made when she was of sound mind legally; so we can't know Aunt's wishes in event of her nephew predeceasing her; her will was written it appears when Op's dad was still well

when an estate is settled the assets need to be added up first, then if over £35k probate is applied for during which time accounts frozen,
then if over inheritance tax threshold after bills paid the tax has to be paid within 6 months of death then any specific legacies like £550 to cancer research then the remainder is divided as per will in this case 50% to uncle and 25% each to OP and her DB
if under 35K you generally don't need probate; executor settles estate bills are paid first then legacies
if you are just getting a few thousand do your bathroom and give a bit to your mum for a treat
if you are talking several thousand you need to be sensible, and talk about whether you split money no point in just having nothing and giving your mum 50K for the sake of the peace, if it is 50K+ you need to discuss long term plans, some savings for emergencies for yourself; essential repairs to your home, maybe paying off a bit of the mortgage, maybe increasing your mum's savings as a cushion
does your mum have a widows pension from your DF?

I think what you propose upthread OP - splitting it between the 3 of you- is what I would do. I couldnt hurt the relationship with my mother, or see her struggling in retirement and then enjoy the money with a clear conscience, particularly if what your great aunt really wanted was for the money to go to your dad.

How can so many people be so hapy for OP to give away money that is legally hers?

So may re-writing the law and the OPs information:

1. Mum is not retired, works part time
2. Brother lives with mum, does not pay his way
3. OP's home, the one she shares with her own young child, needs some repairs, including possible leaks/long term issues

I can't see why it is for OP to 'keep things sweet' when her DM is being unreasonable!

I guess not all of us think it's as straight-forward as you do Curious. Including the OP or she'd not be posting.

"particularly if what your great aunt really wanted was for the money to go to your dad."

One would hope that it was explained to her what would happen if she was predeceased by someone she wanted to leave something to.

It appears what she didn't do though was to specifically mention Op's mum!

If Op wants to give something to her mum or help her out, that's entirely up to her, but she doesn't have to & even if she does-her brother can do as he wishes!

It's the certainty with which some people say she SHOULD give/share with her mum. That she would be being immoral, less loving etc. if she did not!

And those who seem to ignore that OP herself has need of some money to make her home safer for her own child.

There's nothing wrong with sharing/giving away some of the money.But OP needs to be aware that she is under no obligation, legal or moral, and that, if the amount is substantial, there may be other issues with tax, if she claims any benefits she may lose them even after she has given the money to her mum, etc etc etc.

Straightforward thinking imply HAS to happen, or OP could be very generous at her own expense.

I just wish that EVERY poster would add that caveat! So that OP is left without even the tiniest niggle of doubt that the matter may not be as simple as just giving the money to her mum!