Not following CF’s instructions - AIBU or not?

[BumbleBeef30]

Background: Friend and Nob are separated with a child Z. Child Z is friends with DC and I am friends with Friend. I know Nob, but I don’t like him and, from some of the things Z mentions to DC, I think he can often be a very shit dad. Z is eight years old.

DC and Z went to a birthday party today. Friend and I decided to spend time going round the shops before I picked up DC.

About an hour after the party started I got a text from Nob (no idea how he got my number) who said that he was starting work two hours early so could I bring Z back. I asked Friend about it and she said if I didn’t mind it would be best to do what he asked (yes, he is a controlling twat). So I texted back, no problem.

Friend and I walked round the shops for a bit and then I got another text from Nob saying that he wanted me to drop Z off at his address, 1 Dickhead Avenue. Bit of a problem there because Nob doesn’t actually live at 1 Dickhead Avenue and wouldn’t be there himself when I dropped Z off because he would already be at work.

I asked Friend about this and she said she would just take Z home because the arrangement was that she would pick Z up from Nob’s at 6 and the party only finished at 5:30 so it would save her a journey. Worth noting that it takes 45 minutes to get from party to where Nob lives and he hadn’t told Friend that his contact would be overrunning so, as far as he was concerned, she would have been hanging around outside his house for 15-20 mins not knowing what was happening.

AIBU to be annoyed that Nob has texted a mutual friend to complain that I didn’t follow his instructions? I think he is a CF, I don’t think it’s right for him to ask me to drop an eight year old child off at a random address, particularly when her parent isn’t there to meet her, and also I’m not a fucking taxi service to be ordered whenever he can’t be bothered to make sure he’s available to deal with his own child. But when I said this to our mutual friend she said IWBU because she would have dropped Z off where Nob wanted and that in her opinion I was wrong.

Normally I wouldn’t care what someone like Nob thought, and I know he is a CF, but his complaining and then mutual friend’s reaction have annoyed me and I can’t stop wondering if IWBU.

Nob is a v selfish man! He is using the child to spite the child’s mum. Maybe in retaliation to her making a financial claim. He clearly doesn’t have the child’s best interest at heart only that the mum doesn’t get any extra time. He is a knob!

Where did Nob get your number from, you need to block him.

I agree lots of holes in this story.

1. When Nob sent first text that he was starting work early and therefore couldn’t collect his child Z, he asked you to collect her. Why wasn’t your first reply “if you’re starting work early, who will be at your house when I drop Z home?”
2. “I asked Friend about it and she said if I didn’t mind it would be best to do as he asked”. Not your problem. As pp have said, you’re not his staff, given you aren’t friends with him and haven’t given him your number, why didn’t you just reply “sorry I can’t take your child Z as we’re not heading straight home”. Or just “sorry I can’t”.
3. When Nob’s second text asked you to drop Z at random address, why didn’t you reply “who’s address is that and who will be there for me to hand Z over to? I’m uncomfortable doing that”.
4. Once you’d agreed to drop Z off, did you just let friend collect Z from party without telling Nob? I agree it made much more sense for friend to collect Z and start contact 30 mins early instead of all the hassle, but if you’d agreed to take Z somewhere and didn’t, then YABU. But if you replied to Nob to say “actually I’m with Friend, so she can just collect Z and keep her to save the hassle, is that ok?” and if he agreed, then YANBU. If he’s then complained to mutual friend about it, I would probably text him to say “I thought it was saving everyone some hassle, I wasn’t comfortable being asked to drop Z off at an unknown address to an unknown person, and as I happened to be with friend, I thought it made sense. I would rather not get involved in future so please don’t ask me to collect Z in future”

The important thing here is what you agreed to. If someone at random address was expecting Z to be dropped off, and they never appeared, that is wrong on your part. But if Nob agreed friend could just collect Z, then the pettiness is not your problem. Just don’t get involved next time.

1. Nob lives with his girlfriend.
2. I discussed it with friend. She thought it would be better just to agree. She lives around the corner from me and at that point he hadn’t said where he wanted Z dropped off so I could justifiably say that I assumed I could drop her off with her mum.
3. It simply didn’t occur to me to get into a discussion with Nob over text when I could just ask Z’s primary career who was standing right next to me.
4. I drove Friend into town. We were shopping together. So I did drive Z home, I just happened to have her mum sat in my car too.

I think Nob got my number from mutual friend. I’ve blocked him now.

maddhugger he has done similar in the past. The worst time was when he let Friend turn up to collect from his home and then, when she started to get really worried and texted to ask where Z was, he casually informed her they were in a city 2 hours away and she would need to collect from there.

Dickhead Avenue is in the next town over, an extra 20 minute drive there and back. I would have to pass my house to get there.

His home is on the other side of my town, only 2-3 minutes out of my way.

I'm a bit confused but I think you were right and nob and mutual friend were wrong!!

I would not be happy at friend giving knob my number, I would ask her to not do it again. If it happened again, I would delete her too.

1. It simply didn’t occur to me to get into a discussion with Nob over text when I could just ask Z’s primary career who was standing right next to me.
2. I drove Friend into town. We were shopping together. So I did drive Z home, I just happened to have her mum sat in my car too

Are Z's primary career, Friend and 'her mum' all the same person?

I assume Z survived this nonsense?

I think i'd say to mutual friend.

1. It is appropriate for someone to return a child to their home address but not an unknown address as, in picking the chikd uo one is assuming a duty of care

And

1. Never EVER give my number out to anyone ever again without my express permission.

Tellthemnothing In any case, please don't have kids op, as nobody will have a fucking clue what you're on about so you're likely to lose your child in the madness of your inability to communicate.

How bloody rude you are.

Also, are you on drugs?

The only person on here who the 'on drugs' question should be aimed at is you. The fact you are incapable of understanding the OP when the majority of posters on this thread had no problem doing so is your problem, not hers.

Coming back on here to see how things are doing and basically Tellme is still trying to understand what's going on. Day 2 now.

I have no horse in this race, so frankly, I don't give a fuck.

Upped the ante though Dishing, it's somehow OP's fault that Tell is so lacking in comprehension skills and therefore Tell can throw insults at OP.

I know Red its a puzzle isn't it!

So the point in you posting was just to be argumentative, whiney, rude and nasty then? Okay.

Certainly is Dishing.

I just came back to see how Tellthemnothing was going to creatively misunderstand the next post.

Tellthemnothing are you a dad who doesn't have full time residence with their kids?

I'm someone who can't interpret gibberish.

At the end of the day, I'm sure Z got home.

Thanks for coming back and clarifying OP. I'd say Nob is a Nob and YANBU.

Did you ever find out who stays at Dickhead Ave?