Not following CF’s instructions - AIBU or not?

[BumbleBeef30]

Background: Friend and Nob are separated with a child Z. Child Z is friends with DC and I am friends with Friend. I know Nob, but I don’t like him and, from some of the things Z mentions to DC, I think he can often be a very shit dad. Z is eight years old.

DC and Z went to a birthday party today. Friend and I decided to spend time going round the shops before I picked up DC.

About an hour after the party started I got a text from Nob (no idea how he got my number) who said that he was starting work two hours early so could I bring Z back. I asked Friend about it and she said if I didn’t mind it would be best to do what he asked (yes, he is a controlling twat). So I texted back, no problem.

Friend and I walked round the shops for a bit and then I got another text from Nob saying that he wanted me to drop Z off at his address, 1 Dickhead Avenue. Bit of a problem there because Nob doesn’t actually live at 1 Dickhead Avenue and wouldn’t be there himself when I dropped Z off because he would already be at work.

I asked Friend about this and she said she would just take Z home because the arrangement was that she would pick Z up from Nob’s at 6 and the party only finished at 5:30 so it would save her a journey. Worth noting that it takes 45 minutes to get from party to where Nob lives and he hadn’t told Friend that his contact would be overrunning so, as far as he was concerned, she would have been hanging around outside his house for 15-20 mins not knowing what was happening.

AIBU to be annoyed that Nob has texted a mutual friend to complain that I didn’t follow his instructions? I think he is a CF, I don’t think it’s right for him to ask me to drop an eight year old child off at a random address, particularly when her parent isn’t there to meet her, and also I’m not a fucking taxi service to be ordered whenever he can’t be bothered to make sure he’s available to deal with his own child. But when I said this to our mutual friend she said IWBU because she would have dropped Z off where Nob wanted and that in her opinion I was wrong.

Normally I wouldn’t care what someone like Nob thought, and I know he is a CF, but his complaining and then mutual friend’s reaction have annoyed me and I can’t stop wondering if IWBU.

Too many times and nobs and friends involved for me to make sense of. Just say no.

Where was it agreed that the child would be dropped off?

This is like a riddle that you can't solve but keep trying anyway.

I think I would have texted back 'I'll do as I see fit, dickhead - and don't call me again.'
And the other friend is a silly bitch. Bet she's the sort who bangs on about how false accusations ruin men's lives, as well.

Would Dickhead of Dickhead avenue be worried when the child didn't turn up? Did you let them know that you'd changed plans?

This is like a riddle that you can't solve but keep trying anyway. - could you try it quietly on your own for a while

Oh and OP, mutual friend is mutual nob.

@Tellthemnothing I am so confused by your reaction to this! You've posted about ten times about how confusing it is even though it's been explained to you and most other posters get it.

The two kids were at a party. The op was with friend. Friend's ex couldn't pick up as he was meant to so asked OP to pick up his dc as well and drop off at an address which he stated was his house - it wasn't. Friend told OP, don't do that, I'll just collect dc from party myself.

OP obviously said, fine. Another friend is now (insanely) criticising OP for allowing the mother to collect the child instead of taking the child to unknown people at a random address.

For those who don’t understand

•OP was with the DC’s mother,
•the DCs mother and father are no contact.
•The father was supposed to have contact until 6 when the mother should have collected the DC from fathers house.
•DC was at a party with OP’s DC until 5.30.
•The father would usually start work at 7pm but went in early at 5pm.
•the father texted OP and asked her to collect his DC from the party, which she agreed to.
•he then asked her to driver DC 45 minutes to ‘his house’ but the address that he gave was not his house, so he was obviously trying to get DC dropped off with someone else.
•since DC’s mother would be collecting DC from contact at 6 she would have ended up sat outside fathers house for at least 15 minutes minimum
(contact ends at 6, party ends at 5.30 but the unknown address was 45 minutes drive away)
•so instead of agreeing to the second request OP gave the DC to her mother to take straight home from the party and ending contact at 5.30,
to save messing around and wasting everyone’s time.

•father then complained to a mutual friend about OP not following his instructions and giving DC to her mother against his instructions.

That’s how I interpreted it anyway.

Well, it's not the OPs place to decide where or where not the child can be dropped? It's on the Dad's time, so if he and his ex can't communicate, I'd do what the Dad has said.

Acrimonious divorces don't ever include logic.

Got it, thanks JollyBright.

OP, YANBU!
But you were BU to write such a confusing thread.

I understood clearly Op - YWNBU at all. He definitely sounds like a dick, but I guess given he's complaining about you, it's unlikely he'll ask you for a favour in future, so that's a bonus!

Plus I'm guessing there is more to this story. But please don't tell me! My brain is fried enough as it is.

Tellthemnothing or op stay out of it, and both parents have to sort it out between themselves, it is not op duty to drive 45 mins there and 45 back, because dad has not sorted out contact cover properly.

Have you asked him how he got your number?

But the original agreement was that she would drive the child home I'm guessing? Which I'm also guessing is near to dickhead street? So it made absolutely no difference. She had already agreed to do this? Except a few streets away. Or am I missing something again?

Tellmenothing because the OP was with the child's primary carer and the address given was not the recognised contact address?

The Nob is a Nob, he was not being deprived of contact time, he was at work, the child was at a party, and already had been for an hour, so he was wasn't actually, physically having contact with the child. He was deliberately trying to inconvenience the mother for the sake of her collecting the child at 5.30 from the party instead of 6.00 at some hitherto unknown address where he wouldn't be.

I just can't get this post. Is Dickhead Street in Nottingham and child's agreed drop off point in Manchester?

Or am I missing something again? - where would we begin?! You must be enjoying this little misunderstanding Tellthem otherwise why would you be telling people to fuck off if they suggest you stop posting "I don't understand" over and over.

@Tellthemnothing What you are missing is that Nob expected the OP, Z and Friend to spend 90 minutes each making an unnecessary journey, all to deprive Friend of 30 minutes of his contact time with her own daughter, even though he wouldn't be with their daughter. Anyone sensible in his shoes would text Z's Mum and say he is starting work at 5. Would she prefer to collect from party at 5.30 or prefer him to make arrangements for someone else to look after her until 6pm?

But the OP had already agreed to drop the child home? Unless we're talking about outer mongolia, I can actually see the Dad's point of view (illogical and unreasonable as it may be). He's making a stand. That's why I said there is more to this than we have been told (and please don't tell me anymore!). I think the Dad is trying to prove that though his hours of work might change, he is still capable of making arrangements for his child during his contact time. He is being an absolute prat about it arguably, but I suspect there is a lot more to this story, such as his ex wife claiming he couldn't or something.

The Mum/Friend needs to find out who lives at DH Ave and why Nob thinks that person is suitable to be in loco parentis. I’d be extremely concerned if my DC’s father was telling lies to get my DC dropped off at a random address with god knows who!

Also a 45 minute drive (1.5hr round trip) to drop DC off is A LOT to ask of someone! It must be something like a 60-70 mile round trip? In my car it would cost best part of £10! I could understand if he asked you to drop DC off at somewhere that was 5 minutes out of your way, but a 1.5hr round trip is a pretty big favour! Did he offer to pay for petrol? Why does he think you would agree to such an imposition?

So this whole rigmarole is simply because Nob didn't want Friend to get Z back into her care 30 minutes early because it was still technically 'his time' (end of party 5.30 - custody exchange 6 pm). That is one of the smallest, most vindictive things I've ever heard.

I'm not one to jump to too many conclusions, but the first thing I thought when mutual friend popped up with her opinion was that she's interested in Nob. Besides, where else would Nob have gotten OP's phone number since it appears that Friend didn't give it to him.

I agree, OP, block Nob's number. Tell Friend you have done so.