Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not following CF’s instructions - AIBU or not?

184 replies

BumbleBeef30 · 18/11/2018 22:39

Background: Friend and Nob are separated with a child Z. Child Z is friends with DC and I am friends with Friend. I know Nob, but I don’t like him and, from some of the things Z mentions to DC, I think he can often be a very shit dad. Z is eight years old.

DC and Z went to a birthday party today. Friend and I decided to spend time going round the shops before I picked up DC.

About an hour after the party started I got a text from Nob (no idea how he got my number) who said that he was starting work two hours early so could I bring Z back. I asked Friend about it and she said if I didn’t mind it would be best to do what he asked (yes, he is a controlling twat). So I texted back, no problem.

Friend and I walked round the shops for a bit and then I got another text from Nob saying that he wanted me to drop Z off at his address, 1 Dickhead Avenue. Bit of a problem there because Nob doesn’t actually live at 1 Dickhead Avenue and wouldn’t be there himself when I dropped Z off because he would already be at work.

I asked Friend about this and she said she would just take Z home because the arrangement was that she would pick Z up from Nob’s at 6 and the party only finished at 5:30 so it would save her a journey. Worth noting that it takes 45 minutes to get from party to where Nob lives and he hadn’t told Friend that his contact would be overrunning so, as far as he was concerned, she would have been hanging around outside his house for 15-20 mins not knowing what was happening.

AIBU to be annoyed that Nob has texted a mutual friend to complain that I didn’t follow his instructions? I think he is a CF, I don’t think it’s right for him to ask me to drop an eight year old child off at a random address, particularly when her parent isn’t there to meet her, and also I’m not a fucking taxi service to be ordered whenever he can’t be bothered to make sure he’s available to deal with his own child. But when I said this to our mutual friend she said IWBU because she would have dropped Z off where Nob wanted and that in her opinion I was wrong.

Normally I wouldn’t care what someone like Nob thought, and I know he is a CF, but his complaining and then mutual friend’s reaction have annoyed me and I can’t stop wondering if IWBU.

OP posts:
afishnotabird · 19/11/2018 00:24

Is Dickhead street significantly further away than Nob’s actual address?

LewisMam · 19/11/2018 00:25

Also how was DC supposed to get from DH Ave to Nob’s house to be collected by Mum? The person at DH Ave would have to receive DC and immediately transport to Nob’s house. And presumably Mum would shit herself when she saw DC getting out of a stranger’s car instead of coming out of Nob’s house?

Italiangreyhound · 19/11/2018 00:30

"But when I said this to our mutual friend she said IWBU because she would have dropped Z off where Nob wanted and that in her opinion I was wrong." The friend who said this was an idiot. I'd simply say to her/him that they should make this known to Nob so that he can ask her or him next time he needs to be a cheeky fucker.

Tellthemnothing post makes sense. In that we know what it means but agree it makes no sense that the dad wants child dropped off where he doesn't live!

TheMaddHugger · 19/11/2018 00:49

Question for OP. The drop off adress was not the Dickheads and you don't know the person that lives there.

How was the Mother [your friend] supposed to pick cild up again??

I am immagining Dick wont asnswer his phone to her 'where is my child??'

He Didnt know you and friend were together.

Italiangreyhound · 19/11/2018 00:50

I mean OP's post makes sense!

PhilomenaButterfly · 19/11/2018 06:40

YANBU. He's a dick.

ThatOneHurt · 19/11/2018 07:28

I wondered that as well MadHugger.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 19/11/2018 07:34

You were right. Mutual Friend is wrong. Nob is living up to his name. Are Mutual Friend and Nob nobbing?

Branleuse · 19/11/2018 07:35

I wouldnt give it any further thought. If he was desperate to get his kid early he should have collected them. If he was relying on you, then he can keep to original plan at your convenience or ask nicely if you could change the plan, but if i inconveniences you, then too bad for him. Youre not his taxi

idontknowwhattosay · 19/11/2018 07:40

Op wasnt meant to pick up Z originally. Dad ( friends ex aka nob) was ment to.

MsHopey · 19/11/2018 07:45

OP doesn't have to do any favours for anyone. If he gave a different address to what she was expecting, was being arsey, or any of a million things she can tell him to fuck off.
Z is her father's responsibility, he agreed to go to work early and knew it would mean missing out on his contact time with his daughter, fair enough, he had to work, but people don't have to dance to his tune.
So people saying "Well, it's not the OPs place to decide where or where not the child can be dropped?" It's her place to decide not to drive 45 minutes for someone else's kid.
In which case, Nob couldn't collect his DD at the appropriate time, as he'd be working, and he must not have had many options on who collects DD if he's calling his ex wife's friend who doesn't even know how he got her number. Surely the next logical step is her actual mother collecting her early, even if it is 30 minutes before her contact time officially starts.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/11/2018 07:54

You also did your friend (the child's mum) a big favour by demonstrating that a) her ex is a wanker and other people can see it and b) that people don't have to obey him no matter how much he stamps his feet.

LannieDuck · 19/11/2018 07:59

Nob gave a different address to normal because he was at work. Presumably he'd arranged for someone (family/friend?) to keep an eye on Z until friend picked him up.

LannieDuck · 19/11/2018 08:00

(I'm not saying what he did was ok - obv he should have explained better in the text msg.)

MrsStrowman · 19/11/2018 08:01

I don't understand the confusion over the OP, this is about nob being petty enough that he'd rather someone else run his child around and leave her with God knows who, rather than her mother collect her half an hour earlier than agreed pick up time, directly from the party because it's 'his time' even though he wasn't available. OP YWNBU.

NewPapaGuinea · 19/11/2018 08:08

You were with the child’s mother, yet the dad texted you to order you about?? If that’s the case then that alone is weird.

RTFT · 19/11/2018 08:10

He didn't know OP was with the kids mum!

fuzzywuzzy · 19/11/2018 08:20

This is odd on so many levels.

Nob doesn’t know you and yet chose to message you demanding you take his dc to an address other than his own. Presumably he didn’t tell you who would receive the dc either?

The mother has no idea who’s address this is and would have possibly been going frantic trying to contact nob, who doesn’t speak to her directly, at her pick up time as he would not be with dc at his own address.

If someone random sent me a message to pick up dc’s friends and drop them off somewhere other than their own homes, I most certainly wouldn’t do it. Why on earth would I? It sounds dangerous and I would be livid if parents of my own dc took it upon themselves to do such a thing as well.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/11/2018 08:20

Parents morning town or dc’s friends

haloumi · 19/11/2018 08:35

YANBU.

But it would make me think ... In future... If I ever have other peoples kids in my care I will stipulate...

"Understand .. The only person I'm handing this kid back to is either you or his dad ... " type thing....

Cutietips · 19/11/2018 08:38

Nob clearly likes to wind up his ex.
Mutual friend (who presumably isn't friends with X) has swallowed whole all of Nob's woe-is-me stories.
You did the right thing to put the CHILD first in this scenario, not Nob's ickle feelings. Why should they have to travel 90 minutes out of their way, be placed with a possible random, and then have to wait while poor mother (theoretically) would have been frantically trying to locate them (as mother only knew what was happening because she happened to be with OP).
Mutual friend is being ridiculous.

LilMy33 · 19/11/2018 08:41

Block his arse if you haven’t already. He sounds so like my ex they must be twins or something. The level of entitlement with these types is astonishing and they only truly get the message when you refuse to engage with them.

Your mutual friend is a total mug btw and I’d let her indulge him in future.

ApolloandDaphne · 19/11/2018 08:42

I think where OP went wrong was to agree to drive child Z anywhere. It would have been simpler to just say that she couldn't do that but she was with Z's DM so would just get her to collect him from the party to save Z being transported all over for no good reason.

eddielizzard · 19/11/2018 08:44

How depressing. Just be glad he's not your ex. And your friend sounds like he's screwed with her mind so much she doesn't know what's reasonable anymore.

BolleauxtoBankers · 19/11/2018 08:49

The mutual friend is being ridiculous, not you, OP. Tell them so.