Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Not following CF’s instructions - AIBU or not?

184 replies

BumbleBeef30 · 18/11/2018 22:39

Background: Friend and Nob are separated with a child Z. Child Z is friends with DC and I am friends with Friend. I know Nob, but I don’t like him and, from some of the things Z mentions to DC, I think he can often be a very shit dad. Z is eight years old.

DC and Z went to a birthday party today. Friend and I decided to spend time going round the shops before I picked up DC.

About an hour after the party started I got a text from Nob (no idea how he got my number) who said that he was starting work two hours early so could I bring Z back. I asked Friend about it and she said if I didn’t mind it would be best to do what he asked (yes, he is a controlling twat). So I texted back, no problem.

Friend and I walked round the shops for a bit and then I got another text from Nob saying that he wanted me to drop Z off at his address, 1 Dickhead Avenue. Bit of a problem there because Nob doesn’t actually live at 1 Dickhead Avenue and wouldn’t be there himself when I dropped Z off because he would already be at work.

I asked Friend about this and she said she would just take Z home because the arrangement was that she would pick Z up from Nob’s at 6 and the party only finished at 5:30 so it would save her a journey. Worth noting that it takes 45 minutes to get from party to where Nob lives and he hadn’t told Friend that his contact would be overrunning so, as far as he was concerned, she would have been hanging around outside his house for 15-20 mins not knowing what was happening.

AIBU to be annoyed that Nob has texted a mutual friend to complain that I didn’t follow his instructions? I think he is a CF, I don’t think it’s right for him to ask me to drop an eight year old child off at a random address, particularly when her parent isn’t there to meet her, and also I’m not a fucking taxi service to be ordered whenever he can’t be bothered to make sure he’s available to deal with his own child. But when I said this to our mutual friend she said IWBU because she would have dropped Z off where Nob wanted and that in her opinion I was wrong.

Normally I wouldn’t care what someone like Nob thought, and I know he is a CF, but his complaining and then mutual friend’s reaction have annoyed me and I can’t stop wondering if IWBU.

OP posts:

Tellthemnothing · 18/11/2018 23:19

Still lost.

Original poster

BumbleBeef30 · 18/11/2018 23:19

Sorry you couldn’t manage to understand.

I don’t know why he wanted her dropped off at that address.
He said it was his address, I know it isn’t.
He was starting work two hours early. Normally he starts work at 7. Party finished at 5:30.
He wanted me to drop her off at Dickhead Avenue, not pick her up from there.

OP posts:

blackcat86 · 18/11/2018 23:20

It sounds like everyone is just used to dancing to nobs you. You did the right thing (which I think you know already) because you not only did what was sensible but better for Z. You're not his staff and what was his plan if friend had been running late? For you to be his babysitter as well because he hadn't bothered to sort anything out to be there? Nob and mutual friend can both swivel.

Original poster

BumbleBeef30 · 18/11/2018 23:22

I did think I had done the right thing, but mutual friend was so certain I was wrong that I doubted myself and ended up feeling more and more annoyed about the whole thing.

OP posts:

Tellthemnothing · 18/11/2018 23:22

Ok, think I'm getting this now.

So the father wanted the child to be dropped off somewhere (which is not his home address)
And the mother was with the OP and said that's fine
and the OP said no?

Am I nearly there?

Aeroflotgirl · 18/11/2018 23:25

It is unfair of friend to get you in this mess, just because she is scared of nob. This is for Zs parents to work out between themselves, which is what happened and friend did the sensible thing. Nob kicking off just shows what an arse he is, just delete and block.

OffToBedhampton · 18/11/2018 23:26

@BumbleBeef30. This is so easy to resolve. You did right thing earlier. And no you're not his taxi service and no you don't drop a child off to unknown address without parent there in this situation. And hey, he shouldn't have asked and Friend shouldn't have involved you ...

Please block his number.

And next time (if he uses a different number to get through) , reply "Who dis?" And if he says "I am Nob" reply "don't know who you really are but (Nob and I aren't friends and..) I'm not taking instructions from a random text, you could be anyone, don't contact me again. Blocked ..." then block new number.

Just deal with Friend and no one else. His childcare shenanigans ain't your problem! If you're picking up Z, return Z to Friend afterwards. Don't get involved in drop here or there.... Or Nob can collect him, if he wants him, from party....

Oh and ignore "Mutual friend" she's a Nobette.

trancepants · 18/11/2018 23:26

No. You should have left the shops and your friend to collect DC and Z in your car. You should have then driver 45 minutes to the drop off address. Your friend, should have said goodbye to you at the shops, gotten in her car and followed you for 45 minutes to that address where she could then collect her child.

Sure it's 90 minutes unnecessary driving for 2 cars and 90 minutes of needless car time for all the children. But it's clearly the only fair and sensible solution.

(Clearly I'm being very sarcastic.)

Umbongointhejungle · 18/11/2018 23:27

@Tellthemnothing
Nearly!

Leonard1 · 18/11/2018 23:28

It’s his child. You are not taxi service. Not like you would ask him to return the favour. Some people expect others to run after them.

Tellthemnothing · 18/11/2018 23:29

Ok, still not sure I've got this situation fully down, but just don't get involved?

Tellthemnothing · 18/11/2018 23:30

You sound like you're in an absolute frenzy about a phonecall as to where to drop a child off. Just do it or say no!

OffToBedhampton · 18/11/2018 23:32

Re "mutual friend".. you've observed he is a controlling twat , so when "mutual friends" add into that by (lack of challenging therefore...) condoning controlling behaviour , they are part of the problem as well as the Nob. Which is why she's a Nobette and you should ignore her counsel.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 18/11/2018 23:33

Personally I think if you were willing to drop her off then it’s his call in his contact time whether whoever is at 1 Dickhead Avenue can take care of her. Be that his mum, a friend or his gf. The only reason I would have thought it reasonable for you to refuse to drop her there would be if it was a further drive than you’d agreed to or something.
I also found the post very hard to follow sorry

Tellthemnothing · 18/11/2018 23:34

But the Mum was there right? Why was this request going through you? Did the Mum refuse to respond? How did the knob know that you were with his ex wife?

Genevieva · 18/11/2018 23:35

So Nob expected you and Friend to drive for 45 minutes in separate cars to Dickhead Avenue, with child Z in your car instead of in his/her Mum's car. Then, Z has to spend 20 minutes hanging around t some stranger's house until the official time that he/she is meant to be collected by their own Mum, then get in their Mum's car and drive all the way back to where they came from. Z would have spent 90 minutes unnecessarily sitting in a car and 20 minutes of hanging around at a strangers address for no purpose. You did the right thing.

Umbongointhejungle · 18/11/2018 23:37

@Tellthemnothing
I think the nob didn’t know the op was with the mum and doesn’t contact the mum when it’s his contact time

So it’s a simple case of nob not being able to have a grown up conversation with his ex about childcare and instead asks a mutual friend (who isn’t really a friend of his)

ThatOneHurt · 18/11/2018 23:37

I don't understand at all.

If work started at 7 then who was going to look after her why he was at work?

I don't understand the rest either to be fair.

Umbongointhejungle · 18/11/2018 23:38

The work was a last minute change

Jesus why have I got drawn into this!!! Look at the affect the NOB is having even now

Butterymuffin · 18/11/2018 23:38

He's aptly nicknamed and you did the right thing. I wouldn't drop a child off at a random address when neither of their parents were going to be there to meet them.

Tellthemnothing · 18/11/2018 23:39

Geneveiva. How the actual fluck did you manage to glean that from this post lol.
Well it makes sense now. So, he wanted the child to be dropped back at his (not his) house as agreed but it made no sense?

ThatOneHurt · 18/11/2018 23:41

Why would he want the kid dropped there if he was going to be at work?
How was he going to get the kid back to their mum?
He was just going to leave her at a random house?

And the Mum was just expected to be alright with that?

Wasn't the mum telling you to do as he said initially as well?

It's not a very well written out thread, or perhaps I'm just being daft.

HeebieJeebies456 · 18/11/2018 23:44

when I said this to our mutual friend she said IWBU because she would have dropped Z off where Nob wanted and that in her opinion I was wrong

Tell mutual friend to give her number to Nob so she can dance to his tunes.
Block Nob's number from your phone.

Genevieva · 18/11/2018 23:45

@Tellthemnothing - I think so. A classic example of a parent refusing to communicate with the other parent to the detriment of the child. I used to deal with it all the time in a teaching context - parents kicking up a fuss when after Schoo detention is scheduled for their Friday or children coming in on a Monday morning without something crucial. It sounds like Nob's approach to his contact time is to put deny Z's Mum time with her child ahead of his own child's interests, even if he can't spend that time with Z.

Genevieva · 18/11/2018 23:46

slight typo at the end there, but hopefully you get the gist, as I changed the sentence, so delete the word 'put' and it makes sense.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread