I have done something terrible and I need to confess.

[StressfullTimes]

I have name changed through embarrassment and so this thread can't be linked to my future posts as admitting to this more than once is unthinkable. I am at the point of desperation and can't see away out of the mess I am in and fear of just making it worse. I had to move area not through choice but it was a necessary move, I was re-homed by a housing association it was at the start of the year. I moved and started up home with not very much and 11 months down the line I am still in the same boat. I was lucky in the fact that I got a grant from the housing people of a cooker, fridge freezer and washing machine so didn't need to buy them but all the other things I need I still don't have. I try and put a little away each week to save up for one thing at a time but never seem to get there. Money is tight and I know it is for many and there are many people worse of than me but I am so desperate right now I am considering a Provident loan. It would solve my short term problem of my ds has grown and I have no cash to buy anything but would make my next few months tougher than they are now as I can't afford the repayments. I did something on Friday I was not proud but desperation took over, I am not excusing my behaviour I am very ashamed of myself just trying to explain what drove me to it. My ds lost a jumper at school I can't afford to replace it so looked in lost property thankfully it was there so I took it back but I also took a pair black jogging bottoms in his size that weren't his so he had something to wear this weekend. I know it was wrong and I feel very guilty this behaviour is really not who I am.

Do you get housing benefit or Universal Credit?

OP can you let us know your children’s ages please?
I’ve got clothes that I’m planning to take to a charity shop but would far rather they went to someone in need directly....
am I correct in saying your dd is 7? And ds is 9? And an older child too? What colour school uniform do they wear?

I don't get maintenance for dc as it isn't advised in my situation

No, this only giving for 2 kids makes no sense, if all were born before the cap you should be able to claim for all. Someones messing you around, and you need to get it sorted.

Also the cap doesn't go for LHA rates as far as I am aware, so you should get 3 bed rates.

its only capped for children born after a certain date. not claims after a certain date just those born after. i dont get tax credits for dd as she was born a month after the cut off. how old is your youngesy?

No idea if this is uptodate or helpful but here is a link to a benefits calculator.

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/benefits-tax-credits-and-universal-credit/benefit-calculators/benefit-calculator/

Maybe have a look on your new local authority website to see if there are any charities giving benefits/financial advice near you.

If my daughter's headteacher sees anyone looking through the lost property she practically begs them to take anything that fits - anything left at the end of term goes to charity anyway. Now the original owner's not going to claim them anyway, you should keep them!

I hope things look up for you soon - pls accept some of the offers on this thread; people are more than happy to pass on kids clothes, especially when they're going somewhere they're really wanted!

I've been there and it's so fucking hard I know.

Please don't beat yourself up about this. So many things from lost property end up being donated anyway Cos people don't look through it!! My kids have lost loads of stuff and I can't be arsed trailing through lost property, especially in high school.

Really hoping someone more knowledgable than me comes along with some suggestions to help you

bollocks.take outgrowed clothes suitable and donate to school box.consider yourself exonerated.this time. given the choice=provi or similar should fuck off,even as last resort.but..needs must. even if no credit/bad credit try bonprix.clothes for kids are wearable,and repayments wont have you feel like shite for yrs. also.you dont need answer cos am no asking.whether on benefit or low income..you might be entitlement for social fund loan.you pay that back too but keep your heart and soul..if not look into credit union maybe.it is hard.dont feel bad.

www.entitledto.co.uk

Plug all your details into this op and it will let you know your entitlement.

Apply for the budgeting loan. You can have the repayments reduced after the first payment.

Go on your local council website and apply for all the grants/housing relief/council tax relief that they offer. They also do grants for food parcels which can take the edge off.

Contact your local women’s aid shelter from what your say re not being advisable to seek maintenance they may be able to offer a way of doing so without your ex finding where you are.

The trousers are from a boy who left? Keep them. I don’t know the mother of the child but judging from every response on here- she wouldn’t begrudge you a pair of trousers she wouldn’t even be thinking about.

The amount of clothes that never get collected at our school is shocking. We pick out the best of it to help families in need. We will also try and help in any other way we can. I am sure most schools now do this. Very sadly it really isn’t that unusual.

Op I know you're not begging.
I know how hard it is to ask for help..
Knowing your kids know you're struggling is really tough.
My own son knows the word no and understands we don't have much compared to others. I worry that he worries about money more than he should.

I've got clothes here that will be going to the charity shop..
I really should ebay them as I'm not exactly flush myself at the minute but as a single mum it's just another job I've not got the time or patience for.
I would be more than happy to send them directly to someone in genuine need.
My son is 9 but big for his age.
Please feel free to pm me, I would honestly love to help you out and give you one less thing to worry about even if it is just a few t shirts.

I agree that so much stuff goes unclaimed in lost property. I really wouldn't worry about it. There are worse crimes. As someone else said, if they were mine, I would want you to have them. I don't have any answers but surely there is some help you can get. I really hope that things get better for you. Please don't beat yourself up about the joggers.

Teacher here.

Don't worry about the joggers. Seriously. Especially if the original owner has left the school.

If it makes you feel better, when kids have accidents in my school (happens more than you'd think, even with the older ones occasionally), we send them home in long lost property stuff and ask parents to wash and return if they get a chance. Some do, some don't. Not a problem.

That out of the way; talk to the school. They will not judge, will have come across this situation a thousand times before, and will have the will and know how of how to help you.

Short term, they can arrange a food bank referral if needed, will certainly be able to fish out some extra clothes for your kids, and will offer advice as to how you can get through this blip. Honestly, trust them.

We're all of us just a couple of paychecks from coming unstuck, and there's no shame in asking for help if you need it. You'll pay it forwards at some point I'm sure.

I too have boys clothes in age 9, I was going to put them on my local freebies facebook page but I would be happy to post them to you if you would accept them, just pm me...have you checked to see if there is a freebies page in your local area?

oh bloody hell OP. Needs must. Keep the joggers. Better than them being thrown out.

Tbh, if you told the school, they would likely try and help you anyway

Talk to step wise, I think, money advice, see Martin Lewis website.
Make sure you are claiming everything you can. Good luck, hope things get easier.

Doesn't to the school, they probably have a hardship fund to help in situations like these.

*speak to the school

OP, my son leaves stuff at school all the time. I can't afford him being such a ditzy dipstick but if someone like you picked up his left joggers I would be happy to help.

So, pretend they belong to my son and keep them! Seriously no one would bat an eyelid.

If I thought that my kids’ uniform stuff might be in lost property and someone else had taken it I would assume they needed it more that we did - you don’t do that for a lark

don’t beat yourself up, OP

Thestral, I only read the first and the last page of this thread but can I say, what a kind person you are. I'm in tears (sorry, a bit emotional at the moment).

Op I have absolutely nothing to give, but don't give up. You had a tiny teenchy error of judgment and actually I would have done the same in your shoes, so please don't beat yourself up. Don't get out the loan. Just keep doing what you're doing, putting a bit away if you can. If you can't, so be it.

I have never once heard a grown up say, Mum couldn't furnish the house, but I have heard them say Mum did everything for us. x

God OP I thought you had burgled someone with your opening paragraph.

You really need some proper advice, I'm really sorry if I'm wrong or way out of line here but if you were in a controlling or coercive relationship you can claim for a 3rd child under special circumstances- however you need to speak to a benefits adviser who could support you to do this. You could also apply for a discretionary housing payment from your LA - they don't like giving it and again it's best to have someone that is experienced to complete the forms. CAB are a good place to start. In the meantime have a look at food banks and Freecycle- it's amazing the amount of stuff that goes on there.

Please take it easy on yourself you are doing the best you can, I was in your position 10 years ago and it is really shit. PLEASE PLEASE GET SUPPORT- I wish I had done this at the time, instead I got myself caught up in lots of debt and not opening the curtains as I was scared of bailiffs knocking on the door.

Please continue to post for support or advice- I wasn't on MN then and felt very alone with my worries- and MN is great for offering support.

Not sure how common they are, but here we have a children's clothes bank, which is amazing. Run by volunteers, totally cash-free - people donate outgrown clothes and the have events every month or so where anyone can just take what they need. Might be worth looking for something like this where you live?