"Sorry, we have plans today" - the most secretive, worst humble-brag snub

[IdiotsIdiotsEverywhere]

I have a family member who says this when she is not free. Always.

I always think it's said in a way as if they are better than us! Also, why the secrecy? Just say what you are doing!

I get it as an occasional turn of phrase when pushed for time but used regularly it's comes across really stuck up.

The type of person who is using this is always reluctant to do things with friends with her partner, often without partner but at weekends it's all about 'my little family' and meeting up with other families is a no-no.

That's what I say when:

1) I don't want to share my plans with someone because they have form for pushing themselves into my plans; or

2) I/we don't actually have plans, but I/we don't fancy joining in whatever you're suggesting.

spot on

She likes you but her partner doesn't and he doesn't want to meet up on a weekend. She could make excuses but they might be untrue so she doesn't want to go there.

When my son was a baby/ toddler I was the Mum who would meet with friends on weekdays but when friends met on weekends I would pass on it. This was my time with my husband and the only real time he spent with our son and he didn't want to be spending time with other parents and their children.

'We have plans' means that we don't want to spend our weekend/ time with you but would like to just be with our own immediate family and we haven't got anything planned but please just leave us alone.

Yep really annoys me too

Agree with those saying they don't particularly want to socialise at the weekends and would rather be with the family. This has been my go to excuse for years! If pressed il generally make something up. I've got 4 dc 's and honestly they and dh provide enough activity and entertainment at the weekends, i dont want to share that time with other people. Ive never really understood the families around here who seem unable to function without other families joining in whatever activity (lots of group trips to the park, skiing holidays, dinner parties) with people they've recently met in the playground. But then again I'm not particularly sociable!!

Maybe just stop asking her OK?

I think some people honestly sit around with their head tilted to one side and think to themselves "What can I be offended by today?" 🤔

Who cares why she says that? It doesn't really matter.

Just stop asking her to do things. Problem solved.

Some people don't need every moment filled with activities with other people. It's not personal.

If she does this a lot I'd personally stop doing things with her during the week. Why should you be used when she has nothing better to do? Friendship works both ways and there has to be give and take.

Yes @auntmarch this is exactly it!

'I say it because I don't suppose anybody cares what my plans are so why bother describing them?'

I always wonder why people bother telling me that they can't do something because, for example, their husband has a really big meeting far away and the children have ballet/swimming/brownies and then I've got blah blah blah blah.

I don't give a flying football. Tell me you can't make it and I'll accept it. I'm a big girl!

I completely get this, I had a friend (I thought) who never told me her plans, if I pushed for information she’d turn on me for being nosy and flaunt off. I soon realised that whenever she had ‘plans’ she was spending time with other friends and she only spent time with me if they were unavailable. I was a fill in friend used for lifts, childcare etc but never invited to the nights out, weekend aways ‘plans’