To uninvite somebody from my wedding

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I'm prepared to get flamed (I think)
My wedding is due to happen in January. To be nice, I invited my mum's longest standing friend and her husband. However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing recently my fiancé has got back in touch with his brother and girlfriend so would like to invite them instead. I feel so stressed about this!

This is bizarre. You're irrationally annoyed at people for not replying despite it being within the rsvp period because you randomly assumed people would reply before. To be honest, from the conversation with your Mum I'd assume they're coming.

Does your Mum’s friend know your Mum is so unwell?

“Well my brother will be there as will his girlfriend, my mil and FIL will be there. She knows them” I honestly don’t know how your Mum came to be thought of as attending ‘alone’. Did you include this info in your previous thread?

I am really sorry your Mum is so I’ll. must be adding to the stress.

I know the extra ££ is real ££ and a gamble but I think the answer is to invite your BIL and gf and see what the numbers are by the 24th. Could anyone in your DP’s family lend you the money? His parents, for example? They presumably want BIL there? And if I’m tne end Mum’s friend declines, you won’t need the extra money.

However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing

^This is so unbelievably rude. I would just assume they are not coming. Anyway your Fiances brother completely trumps your mums mate.

I’m sure you DHTB brother can wait until 11/12 to be invited. I really can’t see the problem.

Personally I would message this last again via Facebook or whatever and say that the venue needed numbers and you are sorry to chase etc. Also say you will completely understand if they can't make it.

Surely if you contact this woman again, by whatever means, and say you know that it isn't the RSVP date yet but you really do need to know about numbers NOW, please can she tell you if she is coming? Then she might actually tell you.

Sounds like your previous messages to her may have been pussyfooting about.

Oh just uninvite her then and be done with it as you clearly want to and I’ve never heard a more bizarre story around inviting someone to a wedding. That your mum isn’t in touch with, hasn’t seen for donkeys’ years, lives miles away, and doesn’t seem that arsed about coming. I doubt she’ll be that bothered and in fact you might do her a favour.

If it turns out that your mums friend is coming then I would invite brother in law to evening. Although not ideal - there’s a good reason for it as they have just come back and it’s much better than them not being there at all.
‘If we’d known you were going to be back we would have loved you to be at the whole day - as it is it it would mean so much to us to have you there for at least part of it.’

Your mum doesn't have her phone with her in hospital?! Totally off track here, but wtf?

So sorry to hear about your mum

Invite them both, it will all work out. Someone will not turn up on the day or let you down at the last minute. Invite your BIL and his girlfriend and then do a head count for Dec 24th. I really doubt that all of the guests will be able to make it for a wedding on 4th Jan and if they do, you will find a way. It sounds like you have a lot going at the moment.

Just wait until the RSVP date ..if you hear nothing from her send a nice email/message saying you're sorry she's unable to attend, hope she's well, see you soon etc. Then invite the brother. If she RSVPs yes, I would whack the £200 on a credit card and get on with it.

You need the numbers 2 weeks before the RSVP date ? Crazy. You can't give people an RSVP date and then expect them to answer 2 weeks before that. And you can't uninvite people - how rude would that be.

No I don't birdie you've read it wrong.
I don't need to know if she's coming right this second but a bit of forewarning or any communication would be nice. I sent a Facebook message to her, just checking she'd got the invitation (my mum already said she did but was trying to keep communication open) on the 1st October, I hadn't even had a chance to exit messenger but her face popped up at the bottom to say she had read it. Then I sent an email on Monday, specifying that we had booked some rooms, would she like to use one (at no extra cost may I add) asked her what her and her husband's favourite drink was for their drinks package, asked how her grandDaughter was getting on (had a baby about 7 moth ago) And sent updated pictures of my children, general chat and nothing

Is it possible you will get money as wedding presents or have you pinpointed the money for something else, you could always keep back some of that in case she comes.

I may be way off track here, but if friend doesn't know that your DM is ill in hospital, and if DM doesn't have her phone with her in the hospital, is it possible that friend is trying to contact DM about the wedding? Perhaps she is trying to clarify some point that is essential to whether or not she can attend, but doesn't want to bother you/appear rude etc etc? And that is why she's reading messages but not replying?

We went over by quite a few people for our registry office wedding. People just stood up at the back. No one was counted or turned down. Only thing what happened was the room was a tad warm
I wouldn't worry about it.

There might not be any animosity, but they’re obviously not that close either if they weren’t in touch while he was in New Zealand.

My DH has two brothers and he rarely contacts them, there is no issue, when they see each other everything is fine, they just aren't good at maintaining ongoing contact.

We lived in Australia for five years and during this time one brother got married, we would have been extremely hurt and surprised not to have been invited. We were and we attended.

Someone always drops out, sick or unexpected crisis. It sounds like these aren't coming, but the tenth is not far away. I would invite the brother then

Why are you harassing them about rooms, they haven't even accepted yet. Leave it a few days, it will become clear

I don’t understand why you would invite someone you haven’t seen for 8 years and who lives 11 hours away but you wouldn’t invite you BIL becuase he lives in NZ?

I'm sorry about your mum :( what an all round stressful time.
Don't send anymore messages to DFriend for now, she is unable to answer your questions or respond without feeling awkward as she doesn't know if she's attending your wedding yet. Wait until you get the RSVP first.

But OP, this woman has no idea that you’re panicking about numbers and regretting inviting her. As far as she’s aware she has THREE WEEKS to decide if she’s going to travel to your wedding. So she doesn’t see your messages as urgent and is getting on with her cross-stitch competition entry or whatever she does perceive as urgent.

Wait three weeks and if you haven’t heard by then, assume she isn’t coming. If the reconciliation is recent your fiance’s beother won’t be offended by a late invite.

Could you not contact her friend again to let her know about your Mum's illness and ask her about the wedding at the same time?
Or does your Mum's friend know your Mum is ill and may not be able to attend the wedding and doesn't want to commit in case she ends up being there on her own?

(Apologies if I've muddled up what you've said!)

OP, you come across as being irrationally impulsive! You haven't had any contact with your BIL for less than a year, and now he's got in touch again you are looking for people to dump from your guest list so you can fit him in!