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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To uninvite somebody from my wedding

259 replies

RedRoss · 18/11/2018 08:34

I'm prepared to get flamed (I think)
My wedding is due to happen in January. To be nice, I invited my mum's longest standing friend and her husband. However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing Confused recently my fiancé has got back in touch with his brother and girlfriend so would like to invite them instead. I feel so stressed about this!

OP posts:
Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 10:11

I'm not meaning to appear rude, just quite stressed! I shan't change any plans yet

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 18/11/2018 10:12

"And tbf I did say it would be a drip feed as to why my mum couldn't give me the lady's number right now"

But we are all now over invested as to why your mum can't spare 30 seconds to give you her friend's number Smile

I think the suggestion to contact the friend again saying that the venue wants numbers confirmed now is a good one and worth trying.

LoniceraJaponica · 18/11/2018 10:12

Posted too soon.
As it does look very rude not to invite your fiance's brother.

drquin · 18/11/2018 10:13

I'm glad you acknowledged upthread you're being unreasonable, as it's flippin' obvious you are.

No, you can't un-invite someone BEFORE the date you've given them to respond.

Bizarre, that despite the myriad methods of communication these days, you had no idea of the BIL's plans to travel half-way round the world conveniently around the time you & his brother are getting married, such that you'd not invited him in advance .... yet you aren't NC.

I'll go as far as to say you've overstretched yourself financially if you absolutely can't stretch to the cost of adding two folk. But your choice.

However, I'd be more worried about my mother right now than any of this. You apparently can't speak to her, as she is so preoccupied she can't find the time or effort to give you one phone number to allow you to organise your wedding guest list (ignoring that it's early)? My mother would have to be seriously ill to make those priorities.

But best of luck for your wedding.

MatildaTheCat · 18/11/2018 10:13

Come on OP, drip it to us! I can only think your dm is detained at her majesty’s pleasure and due out in time for your wedding as that would explain her inability to be asked for a phone number and also the very odd detail that apart from knowing almost nobody at your wedding she also has only one friend whom she hasn’t even seen for 8 years that she could invite.

Do I have it?

If, alternatively, she is in a coma then I apologise unreservedly.

Oirobnooo · 18/11/2018 10:13

All of this twisting in knots is basically for her benefit

Have to disagree with you there Curly. The twisting in knots is as a result of the RSVP date being set too late for OP's comfort; of the decision not to invite BiL in the first place and of the late decision of BiL to move back into the radar.

Seems harsh to blame OP's mum in any way. Or her friend.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 18/11/2018 10:15

I suspect that you aren't the only one getting frustrated, OP!

No matter how many times you ask, YWBU to uninvite someone before the RSVP date. HTH.

LoniceraJaponica · 18/11/2018 10:16

That is what I was thinking as well MatildaTheCat

Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 10:16

She is seriously unwell in hospital

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 18/11/2018 10:16

I cant get passed the fact that your fiance didnt invite his own brother because he lives in another country. No fallout. No animosity. Bonkers!

Mossend · 18/11/2018 10:17

You do sound really stressed op, pp's are only answering your question that YABU to uninvite her before the 10th, it would be rude to. On the other hand if she doesn't get in touch by the 10th she's rude,
You said your mum hasn't seen her for 8 years, do they still keep in touch? It's just that there may well be something going on in her life that you are unaware of

Oirobnooo · 18/11/2018 10:19

RedRoss that is properly distressing news. I hope she gets better quickly and completely. Flowers

So can everyone please back off on the faux need to know about precisely why she can't hassle her mum at the moment.

Balaboosteh · 18/11/2018 10:19

You cannot uinvite. Assume they’re coming and add in two more for your extra guests. What’s the problem?

drquin · 18/11/2018 10:20

In which case, in the nicest possible way, forget all this cr@p about wedding guest numbers and concentrate on your mum.

It'll work it ourself out. As a previous poster mentioned, crudely you'll likely get cash as a wedding gift to cover extra costs. If not, if the worst that happens is toast & beans for a few weeks, then that's ok.

Thanks
Maldives2006 · 18/11/2018 10:21

How are they being unreasonable!! your RSVP date is still 3 weeks away. Maybe they have some thing important going on and your wedding is not at the top of their priority list

MerryMarigold · 18/11/2018 10:21

Maybe the friends are waiting to see if your mum well enough to attend.

OP, I think you're probably stressed about your mum not the wedding, so it's getting a bit confused. I'd just invite BIL, be prepared to pay the extra, but you may not have to.

Franinipancake · 18/11/2018 10:23

Just wait until the 10th and this'll probably resolve itself as some one else will drop out by then. Invite BIL to the evening with a view that hopefully you can invite him to the whole thing if there are spaces. It'll all work out.

Balaboosteh · 18/11/2018 10:23

Sorry just read a bit more of the thread.

Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 10:23

It's ok oiro I just reallydidnt want the drip feed, I tried time and time again to say that I really couldn't ask her. I don't even know if my mum will be coming to the wedding due to this illness. I already want to sack the whole thing off Grin
I do appreciate the lady may be crazily busy herself hence not wanting to hassle her further. I really don't think we could stretch out almost another 200 pounds to invite bil and as others have said may not even need to if the lady doesn't reply.
I am being U! Will leave it well alone now

OP posts:
anonkneemouse · 18/11/2018 10:24

I think you have to wait until the rsvp date has passed.

Maldives2006 · 18/11/2018 10:25

No! your mom’s currently seriously ill in hospital it would be a very nice gesture for your mom to have someone with her to talk to and share a room with at the wedding. She is currently at a really vunerable time in her life.

cadburysflake · 18/11/2018 10:25

I don't understand why you can't ask your mum for their number, she might live 11 hours away but there are these things called a phone which you can use to ask her for their contact number. Phone them up and just explain the situation, just say they are the only people who haven't rsvp'd even though the deadline hasn't passed you need to know what they are doing. It might be that they don't actually want to go but are a bit worried they'll upset your mum saying no. Wedding are expensive to attend, they probably aren't fussed but don't want to tell your mum to her face.

BakedBeans47 · 18/11/2018 10:26

I think you probably have your answer as to why she hasn’t replied yet OP. Sounds like she wants to make sure your mum is able to go before she commits x

Hope your mum gets well soon

CoughLaughFart · 18/11/2018 10:29

I cant get passed the fact that your fiance didnt invite his own brother because he lives in another country. No fallout. No animosity. Bonkers!

There might not be any animosity, but they’re obviously not that close either if they weren’t in touch while he was in New Zealand.

Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 10:29

I don't think she's aware my mum is unwell, my mum doesn't have her phone with her so isn't able to contact her or anybody for that matter

OP posts: