*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

There is no reason to think he will not just go to sleep till the morning. Do not arouse suspicions.
The only thing you could do, if you wanted to act now, is phone the police on 999 they will arrest him and remove him from the house and you will get a non-molestation order against him coming near you again, or your DC.

What time will he be leaving the house this morning?

It's entirely your decision.
You might want to call on 101 though to discover if he's been reported before, under Claires Law.

I’m still so cold. I’m under the duvet but feel so shivery.

I don’t know if anyone would believe me. My mother hasn’t replied since I said no to her coming over. I wrote it down to her like I did here. She didn’t reply.

There isn’t necessarily a need to think about reporting this right away, unless you are wish to do that before he leaves the house. Just focus on taking care of yourself until he leaves and you have the time to think without concern of alerting him.

Yes, but you don't have to feel altogether well do you, and you can be tired and off-colour without that ringing alarm bells.
He works on a Sunday? What time?

Had your mum replied to a previous message and then not the last? Or may she still be asleep?

I wondered about if he’d ever done it before.

He doesn’t work until Monday morning.

Ask him to leave and not return tomorrow morning. Contact someone so they're in the house with you and make sure he doesn't have a key. Contact a rape crisis center or hotline and go from their. You can absolutely report it but right now you need him out of the house and away from you and your children.

bless you Op, you are going into shock.
Go down, make a cup of tea and go into your daughters bed if she is sleeping downstairs. If he even wakes, tell your partner you are coming down with something

Okay, so do you know whether he will be leaving the house this morning, or will he be around for a while once he’s up?

Do you suspect he’s done this before to you, or other women? If at all, but especially if to you, please don’t immediately rule out reporting this without some time to think it over.

You absolutely will be believed, and anyone that thinks what has just happened to you is anything other than rape is wrong in the head. Rape crisis will absolutely believe what you have said here, and they will support you without question because you were raped.
They will support you as far as you want to go with it, or not, its up to you.
You have a DD, at least one other female in the house. You need to act in both your best interests to get this man away and kept away from you. Rape crisis will help you with your options for doing that

He usually pops out for a paper, but the kids will be up and I couldn’t make a scene in front of them by locking him out.

I don’t suspect him of doing anything like this before, but then I don’t really know him do I? tonight’s shown me that.

How long is he normally gone to do that? Could your mum pop over and take the kids or could you all go out? There’s absolutely ways to make sure you’re all safe without upsetting the kids.

It will need to be you that leaves in the morning, not to return until he has gone. Unless your DM is happy to come to you.

Unless you have some cast iron feasible explanation for him to leave, then you just get everything ready as you normally would except you walk straight out the door without looking back. Once you are in the street you are in public view in case of any scene you will be safer as soon as you are out the house.

Definitely is rape windowWAG no misunderstanding at all.

OP could you “take the kids to your mums for the day” and make phone calls from there or another safe place? My worry is that given what he has done to you and the understandable shock it’s been, you won’t be able to “act normally” and this could possibly make him behave violently again towards you. This happened to me in my previous relationship. I ended up being raped repeatedly for years as I was so scared of “upsetting him” again.

You cannot not do things for fear of making a scene in front of the DC, this is how men like him will get and maintain control over you. Do exactly that. Text him once hes at the paper shop not to come back ever tell him your DM is with you and you will call the police if he dares to try to return.

My mother won’t wake up until late morning. She was out tonight. We’re all meant to be going out for lunch. Pretty much my only option is see it through until Monday and even then I don’t know what to do.

I’m so sad to read this. He raped you. Ignore anyone who says otherwise. It wasn’t a misunderstanding and attempting anal so many times demonstrates that. Obviously under all the charm lies a dark person. Try calling one of the helplines I’m sure they will help to talk it through with you.

Yes, he raped you.
windowwag you need to brush up on consent.

If you woke up to him having sex with you then he will know full well you were asleep when he started. It's impossible to give consent if you are sleeping, so yes it's rape.

Pleas don't be scared of locking him about andnif he makes a scene then all of you will see exactly what he's like, otherwise you are not allowing your DC to see the reality of life. Some of the nastier realities yea, but that you are keeping them safe and will call pice if necessary