*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

He’s not the person you thought he was. This wasn’t a misunderstanding or a mistake on his part. He’s a dangerous man who needs to be kept away from you and your children.

It's wrong of him, and as hard as it might be to comprehend, he's a rapist.

What time does he go to work?

I think it's worth a trip to the hospital or police station to be tested to see if you have been drugged. This may very well explain your inability to stop him and question what was going on. Especially if you are normally quite strong. It may not simply be a case of questioning yourself, but being anaesthetised. As adorable as he may seem in day to day life, a lot of guys get off on this kind of thing. I'm sorry to point this out and I hope to god that this is not the case, but if you read Mumsnet, it seems to happen much more often than I am comfortable with.

Oh, and it seems that it's always the nice ones who have a dark side, I'm afraid.

Thank you all so much for listening and replying.

After he left the room, I went for a wee, and he was coming up the stairs. He greeted me with his usual ‘hello beautiful!’

Surely he must’ve known I was awake?

He raped you. You didn't consent. I'm sorry this has happened to you. How do you feel about him now? I would advise that you do not ignore this but of course it's your choice how you handle this.

It was not a misunderstanding, he knew what he was doing. Please please do not look to take any of the blame in this. No misunderstanding no fault on your behalf. Where is he now? Are you safe? As other pps have said women's aid, tape crisis and the police if you want to report it. You've done no wrong xxx

You will be able to call once he has left for work. They will be there for you and completely understand why you feel this way.
I am so sorry love, but you need to keep yourself safe now, as a priority. Continue as normal until he leaves, then call rape crisis.
Get your locks changed so he cannot access your home again. There is no conversation you can possibly have after what he's done

I just wish I’d found my voice.

I’m so sorry, love. Please don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up for the way you reacted, there’s absolutely no right or wrong way to behave in that situation.

I’m lying next to him in bed silently crying.

Don’t blame yourself op.
I think you need to call a rape crisis line to talk this over.
He also needs to be moving out

That made my blood run cold that he can switch that way after raping you. He does not care whether you are awake, he actually managed to complete a sexual actbwith you without regard for whether you were awake. That is a sick and potentially dangerous man that can do that, and I'm so sorry

Oh ((hugs))
Have you got a spare room, or could you get into bed with one of your children?
Do not continue a charge of this is ok with him

*a charade of “this is ok”

Thank you all. I will try and call when I get a chance. I keep thinking that I must be making a fuss and it’s all a mistake

You do what you could, and the mind works very well to protect itself, meaning deep inside you felt it safest not to speak or challenge. It was a shock.
Please know this wasn't your fault in any way.
Maybe you could have your DM over tomorrow after you've called the crisis line,for some support

Is there any way you could get up, even just to the living room, without this raising any suspicion? Feign difficulty sleeping? As long as you can safely do otherwise, don’t feel you have to stay there next to him like this.

I have messaged my mum and explained. I’ve asked her to say/do nothing until i’ve spoken to her face to face.

My daughter is in the living room asleep on the sofa.

**That made my blood run cold that he can switch that way after raping you.

Mine as well.
OP can you leave the room and sleep in another room? Do you feel like you could report this? If you can sleep else where do so, only if you will be safe however. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

You really are not making a fuss, and you do need to keep up the charade until he has left for work.
Do not do anything that will alert him. Just do a nodding dog thing and agree with him until he leaves the house. Then act.

I am so sorry you have been through this tonight.

I just wish I’d found my voice.

You woke up to him raping you. He did not give you the opportunity to say no. There is nothing you could have done to avoid this.

You are not making a fuss and this is not your fault in any way. Don't worry about his reasoning for wanting to rape you. There can be no justification. Just focus on the immediate practicalities - get safe and then decide whether you want to go to the police.

Please act normal. Please PPs OP has to get safely through tonight!

We’re usually very demonstrative so it’s going to take a lot of acting ability for him to not realise. He pays attention and notices when something’s wrong.

I don’t think I could report it.