Can we as an Asian family move to a rural area?

[discopisco]

Just that really. We're currently living in London and are both of Indian parentage. DH has been grumbling about hating the rat race for a while now but I've ignored him (I'm from a small mill town from the north and couldn't wait to get out of there). However, we've just had our first baby and I feel like we're already outgrowing our 2 bed flat. To buy a bigger place in our current area isn't financially possible now or in the near future just on DH's salary. So, I've been looking at property prices where we'd want to move to (close but not too close to where I grew up) and we'd be able to afford a very big house there. However, my worry is racism. I grew up somewhere where there was a very clear white vs Asian divide which resulted in subsequent riots. Would we be mad to move to the rural outskirts of those areas? I love London- despite its many failings- and don't want to be isolated location wise if we were to move or have bricks thrown into our windows, be ostracised in the local area and our child bullied at school. Are my worries justified or am I being paranoid?

There are lots of pros of moving:

Family links
Familiarity
Lots of house for our money
Greenery

Cons:

Potential (most definite?) racism
Crappy schools (we'd probably have to go private)
Potential drop in DHs salary
Missing out on London life and all it has to offer

Would it be worth moving considering the above? Or should we stay out?

Part of me says to keep hold of our flat as once we move out of London we'd never be able to afford to move back but the other half says to go and live our life as best as we can while we can. Would appreciate any help, advice, guidance!

By the sounds of it you'd struggle because of your snobby attitude more than your race. (Crappy schools, bricks through the window... not everywhere outside of London is a slum)

Just to add to the racism bit and being bullied about it. My nephews attend a lovely school in a lovely area. However my sister reports her boys coming home and asking questions such as "why is my skin colour different to Jacob/Joshua/Reece's (made up names)?" and other questions pertaining to ethnicity. They are 4 and 7. In London, our LO would blend in so those issues wouldn't crop up?

I apologise if anything I say here is offensive!

I have no firsthand experience of this, I'm white living in England. I think the bigger issues are when there are large numbers of one culture gathered and living in one area of town. It creates an 'us V them' culture and promotes segregation. I think one family, or a few families, would get less attention than if you lived in a heavily populated Asian area.

I think as a minority in a community you would be welcomed these days.

I think it's hard to comment without knowing the specific area. Personally, I don't think I would - you'll never really get the kind of acceptance you get in London, imo, and you're right that if you go you'll find it hard to come back.

You clearly have no idea/experience of people treating you differently based on the colour of your skin @TeaForDad ! For some of us, that's a reality/everyday occurrence.

"However my sister reports her boys coming home and asking questions such as "why is my skin colour different to Jacob/Joshua/Reece's (made up names)?" and other questions pertaining to ethnicity. They are 4 and 7. In London, our LO would blend in so those issues wouldn't crop up?"

They probably do still but are dwelled on less! They aren't bad questions and very normal at those ages.

You’re not “snobby” as a PP said. You’re speaking from experience. Someone (PP) is obviously a little chippy.

We moved from London to rural Gloucestershire (the Forest of Dean) for my husbands work. I’m mixed Swedish/Iranian and my dc are half me, half dh (Greek). We all have black hair/olive skin.

I can hand on heart say I didn’t have any negative comments or feel unwelcome at all. There were a lot of questions, some ignorance (Where are you from? London? No where are you really from?) (are you Sikh or Muslim?) but I don’t think they were coming from a bad place, just genuinely interested.
We were invited to lots of peoples houses for dinner, the children had play dates almost every day and our weekends were full of community activities (we helped fundraise to build a playpark and planted an orchard, to name a few) there was just a feeling of being accepted.

The schools were good, both dc passed the 11+ and were accepted into grammar.

We moved to a bigger city when the children got a bit older, but when we retire we’re definitely moving back.

Bromley is a London Borough but very close to what you might call rural. It's lovely, has excellent schools and you'd just be another family, no-one would give a fig about your ethnicity.

Parts I would recommend are central Bromley, Bickley, Chislehurst, There's an area known as something village, beginning with C, name escapes me at the moment. Not cheap but a lot cheaper than north London.

If you do think of Kent I would avoid the Medway towns.

Good luck with your search.

Crappy schools (we'd probably have to go private)

Yes, every single school in a rural area is crappy. Well done for noticing. Glad you're not making any sweeping generalisations.

You say you have family links in the area you intend to move to. I assume your family is Asian too. What do they say about racism and how they are perceived in the area?

Thanks @LostInShoebiz - I know I'm not a snob. Those of us from BME communities don't just have to consider square footage, condition of property, local schools and transport links when buying a property. Some us also think 'will we be targeted/attacked for being brown/coloured or 'foreign' (we're not. We're both born and raised in this country).

Could you let your London flat to keep a toe hold, get something smaller where you move to and see how it goes?

Why would rural areas have crappy schools Op?

PPs don't seem to have picked up that OP is talking about a specific area that she knows well, and is therefore qualified to comment on the quality of schools. She's not generalising about ALL rural schools.

It's difficult isn't it. We live in the south east but outside of London. My husband's family are Indian. DH has had to Anglicise his name to get work here and because the neighbours and other people he's made friends with can't possibly pronounce his name 🙄
DC's who are mixed have had questions from other children about why they are brown.
We've not experienced racism but just more questions and ignorance really (are we Muslim, did I convert, do we eat pork, do we eat halal, do we do Christmas, did our families accept each other etc) We like where we live as in the place but would rather move to a city where we don't have to think so much about everything.

Personally I'd hold on in London and see if prices come down in the near future or stay as close to London as possible.

Why the schools be "crappy" outwith London?

I think rascism is more predominant when as a pp said there are larger communities of another ethnicity. I grew up in a very predominantly white area, think a few decades ago when there was much less immigration and I don’t recall ever experiencing anything. No comments, no bullying, kids would ask me once where I was from then it was never mentioned again. I was told that when I first started primary school they tried to send me to a ‘special’ school, literally on a special bus, as I couldn’t speak English (this was back in the day when there were such things). My mum refused and apparently I picked it up within a few months anyway so luckily she didn’t relent. That’s the only thing that happened. That could be interpreted though as the school feeling they didn’t have the provisions to assist me rather than rascism.

Anyway back to the topic, I can’t recall experiencing anything, if anything I completely forgot I was ‘different’ in that way because no one ever brought it up (not to my face anyway) so don’t be too hesitant about moving, some people have had good experiences.

OP
Potential (most definite?) racism
Have you tried the Cotswold? Lovely place, lovely people.

I can’t offer any practical advice, but I am so sorry you have to even think about this. It’s not fair on your or your children.

I wish you every happiness wherever your settle.

Are you originally from Oldham or Bradford? If so I know from someone who went back recently that she felt changes there were superficial.

I have a similar issue over where in the UK I can live without prejudice and London is the best for now, even though we would have more space, more time and more money elsewhere.

The area(s) I've had a look at have a number of schools that 'require improvement'. That is what I meant when I mentioned crappy schools.

I've lived in a village very south of England, it unfortunately did seem racist 😔

@MamaHechtick - that's exactly what I fear. Having to anglicise our existence to fit in. I love how diverse London is and everyone is expected to just get on with it without the fear of fitting in :/

I live in a very rural area, small Cotswolds town, and the small primary school my kids go to is surprisingly diverse, I’d say probably at least 1 in every 5 kids aren’t white. You definitely wouldn’t stand out!