Can we as an Asian family move to a rural area?

[discopisco]

Just that really. We're currently living in London and are both of Indian parentage. DH has been grumbling about hating the rat race for a while now but I've ignored him (I'm from a small mill town from the north and couldn't wait to get out of there). However, we've just had our first baby and I feel like we're already outgrowing our 2 bed flat. To buy a bigger place in our current area isn't financially possible now or in the near future just on DH's salary. So, I've been looking at property prices where we'd want to move to (close but not too close to where I grew up) and we'd be able to afford a very big house there. However, my worry is racism. I grew up somewhere where there was a very clear white vs Asian divide which resulted in subsequent riots. Would we be mad to move to the rural outskirts of those areas? I love London- despite its many failings- and don't want to be isolated location wise if we were to move or have bricks thrown into our windows, be ostracised in the local area and our child bullied at school. Are my worries justified or am I being paranoid?

There are lots of pros of moving:

Family links
Familiarity
Lots of house for our money
Greenery

Cons:

Potential (most definite?) racism
Crappy schools (we'd probably have to go private)
Potential drop in DHs salary
Missing out on London life and all it has to offer

Would it be worth moving considering the above? Or should we stay out?

Part of me says to keep hold of our flat as once we move out of London we'd never be able to afford to move back but the other half says to go and live our life as best as we can while we can. Would appreciate any help, advice, guidance!

I would suggest that you'll find moving to a rural area far easier if you fully integrate with the local community. We have neighbours who are Asian, and they are perhaps the most social, involved in the local community, do anything for anyone at a drop of the hat type people. Far more welcoming than some in the village (that I've never spoken to).
I'd look at joining local FB group for the area/s you're hoping to move to and see if you like the feel of the place from what people say. Next village over is just not as nice as here, but we didn't realise that before we moved.

Sorry for the generalisation I meant Whilst it is majority white area (here) as many South non city areas are,

I've reported your post Cherries.

@LewisMam Behave like everyone else? Do you mean denying your culture
No, I mean behaving like you’re part of the community. Letting your kids play with the other kids. Baking for the summer fete. Joining the local history society or whatever floats your boat. Popping in for a cuppa with Doris next door. Attending Janet’s Tupperware party. Talking to people like a normal human being. None of that has anything to do with “culture”.

DeRigueurMortis well done.
No need for that language here
People like Cherries101, makes the op concerns real and live.

@Cherries101 - that is offensive on so many different levels.

@LewisMam - I'm hoping to return back to work when baby is older and most probably won't have time to do any of the things you've mentioned. Integration is a two way thing so Janet would more than welcome to come and give me a helping hand with baby, gardening, etc!

Come to Whitstable- lots and LOTS of DFLs (down from london - my dp included) and good schools. Its lovely here

@zeddybrek - you've just put into words my biggest fears for moving out. I'm a professional and have faced covert racism living in London. I dread to think how pronounced that would be elsewhere around the country.

@everydayunicorns - where do you live? Sounds lovely!

Thanks for the recommendation @OffToBedhampton - will look into the area 👍🏻

@Lewismam
I’m sorry Tupperware party are from different decade plus I’m perfectly capable of “talking to people normally” whilst also retaining links to my Caribbean heritage and my husbands African roots.
Your comments remind me of the reason I left my upbringing in the shires without a backward glance.
Where we live in west London our neighbours are a lovely mix but mostly white (also from outside the capital) and we appreciate each other’s cultures without expecting people to change to fit one persons idea of “normal behaviour”.

Namechanged to say that I grew up in exactly the area you're considering moving to and my advice is: don't do it. I still visit to see friends and family and my impression is that the segregation issue has got worse rather than better over the years. It's hard to integrate when areas/schools are overwhelmingly white or non-white and even harder when you have to contend with the attitude that if you're not white, you're "not English."

I am white btw and would never want to move back. PM me if you want to discuss.

It's interesting on this thread OP how we all view different areas from a different perspective. I've lived in London when single but wouldn't want to bring my children up there. I would feel it's too dangerous, polluted and noisy. Having moved from city to city all over the UK we have now settled in the Scottish Village (pop 700) I spent my teens in. We now have Asian and mixed race families in the village, + quite a mix of other nationalities, mainly European but also Japanese, American and Fijian! My friends haven't mentioned any racism. I must say many of the 'newer' arrivals are keen to get involved in local groups and activities and socialize well with the rest of the community. We are only 35 mins. from Edinburgh so we have all the free museums, city buzz and culture there that we need.

Have you tried the Cotswold? Lovely place, lovely people

Puts me in mind of when we were given the 'Sieg Heil' salute in a Cotswolds pub 🙄

@discopisco South Cambridgeshire Bedfordshire border - Cambourne. It is a lovely part of the country, a bit flat but I can live with that. Very popular with ex Londoners due to the fast trains to London. And you get a lot more for your money. We have outstanding schools, and it's quiet in a good way. Lots of really nice villages out this way, and it is a growing area. Due the proximity to Cambridge and the increasing research faculties, we have people from all over the globe.

It’s such a shame this has to be a consideration for you but I would worry the move might be a bit of a culture shock. Does it have to be London v rural northern town? The transition might not be as stark with a move out of London into commuter land (which can be rural).

Where I grew up I remember there being one black family in my school. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but with hindsight, I’d be amazed if they didn’t experience any racism as the place was pretty insular and reactionary. I’m now living somewhere more rural but far more cosmopolitan and liberal (basically I think because most of the population have lived/worked in London). I’d imagine it would be a far easier place to be than where I grew up.

everydayunicorns I think Cambourne is brilliant and would meet the OPs brief apart from the fact that she wants to live in Lancashire to be near family.

OP it really is worth thinking about other areas of the country which are more cosmopolitan. Cambourne is brilliant and is incredibly diverse. There will be other places in the UK which are similar. However, if you're unsure of the move it might be worth renting out your London flat and then renting wherever you move out to until you're sure you've made the right move.

What I would say as a white person who moved from a city to a village is that it took us 3-4 years until we felt fully embedded in our new community. So do expect to feel strange and an "outsider" for a while. That won't necessarily be because of your ethnicity but you might understandably assume that it is iyswim.

is there any way you could go and stay in a air bnd or something for a few days in the area your thinking of.go out get around and just see how it feels for you.
god im so sorry you've had to deal with this shit.im so angry because I just do not get it.its the colour of your skin it makes you no different.i really really cant get my head round racisim.
id love to say its not your problem its theirs but living with it must be so much harder than any of us not can imagine.
but the country life I think if your yearning for it could be lovely for you guys.
would it be possible to rent out your London home for a year or 6motnths to see?

also my family op moved like you did.and I don't want to belittle the abuse from racism because im tryng to reassure you that its not just you that has problems .so if you ever did encounter problems it might just be like my white London family had...where they were the "incomers"and "newcomers" for about 10 years before they were part of the village! and at the start my cousin got quite upset about it.but I don't think it was ever meant in harm.i think.

Move to scotland.

Who is likely to throw a brick through your window?

Probably somebody like Cherries101

(Brick throwing question)

If it is possible to make the move and keep your flat in London, I think that would be the best idea. Apart from the element of racism, some towns/villages are just unpleasant with unpleasant people and some are very welcoming.