AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

Agree with you OutwiththeOutcrowd.

If spannablue worked in a school then they of all people, should understand that there are privacy and safety issues sometimes around these things. No teacher would advocate for such a thing as it goes against their training.

The kids don’t really care after a few days unless it was their best mate every and even then after a couple of weeks they don’t care anymore. They get excited for the new child starting.

Our school don’t do anything the child tends to tel a few friends and it just spreads though class. Sometimes before the child has even left the other children start wondering if the new child will be a boy or girl etc

@DazeinDays "I’m getting the impression a lot of people don’t actually have a very high regard for children in general here."

No I'm getting the impression that you don't have any regard for family's privacy and person business, I also get the impression you have no understanding of safety/custody issues as well as that you think it appropriate to spread a family's personal news and business in a classroom and make a big deal, possibly unnecessarily upsetting children. You have no regard for the harm that could be done.

notevenwithconsent gets it, OP. .

"My kids left their small rural school with no notice and no fuss. If there had normally been a fuss made it would have traumatised my kids more than they already were (abuse - we were moving away to be safe) and also traumatised the other kids in the class because it didn’t happen.

Could you think beyond your nice bubble and realise that it is a good idea to have this as a rule to minimise upset in traumatic situation. Please."

I think where people are reacting to the ops post is the words she's used, indicating that she thinks the other children will all feel loss, they will need support, that her kids leaving will be a major traumatic event for everyone, which is a bit much really.

Yes, this!

I’m trying to say ‘yes we are going, and everything is fine’

...and this isn’t about your pride being hurt?

Give your kids sweets to take in & their/your phone number if they want to keep in touch. Job done.

I’m going to go against the grain and say it’s a bit of a shit response that they do nothing when a child is leaving. I can see why they might not want to encourage writing on shirts depending on the kids ages but when dd left her old school the class made her a card and all wrote in it. The same happened when a child left a school I was working in.
It’s a bit odd to email and ask about it though as I would have just (wrongly it turns out in this case) assumed that the class teacher would do something.

I asked some children if they had heard from two recently departed and we had quite a discussion about it

Was it a séance?

It's a move not a death! . Im an ex teacher. Its normal to mention it & do a class goodbye card, but it's so not a big deal. IME making a big drama out of normal stuff like this is never a good idea with children at school. Calm 'this is what's happening' & supportive response to any questions then carry on as usual is best:children find safety in routine & continuity. Life is full of stuff like this. They need to learn not to dissolve into drama over everyday normal 'stuff'.

Mine have left several several schools. Some overnight with no notice as left exh, and one of the schools was a class of eight.

Some schools made cards for the kids, and they one gave them a book with a nice message. Some nothing at all.

When we moved house my children were in primary school. Classes 3 and 5. I mentioned to their head teacher that we would be moving the end of the week, just so she wouldn't expect them into school the following week.

The day they left they both received a card from their class, signed by all the children in their class, and another signed from all the school staff, wishing them well for the future.

I didn't expect anything so I thought it was a lovely gesture. The cards went into their memory boxes.

I'm not sure what your reason was for asking school what you can contribute tbh - or why you feel your family have been insulted?

Every time a child leaves our local school, the class teacher informs that class a week before. In the child's last day, the class say goodbye.

OP you are way overthinking this. People move, children accept this and quickly adapt.

However it would be nice for your children to have their good friends around for tea and maybe a cake at home so you can take some pictures to remember them by.

@nitpickpicnic your school has a psychologist? Just hanging around to talk to kids about leaving school?? Clearly, you've won the postcode lottery. Ed psychs round our way are as rare as hen's teeth. We've had kids from war-torn homelands with PTSD and not been able to track down any help for them. Takes months to even get an assessment.

My DD moved schools towards the end of reception. Her teacher managed it beautifully and I'm sure it contributed to her transitioning so well. I think they spoke about in carpet time on the Monday of her final week, something along the lines on this is DD's last week so let's make it extra special for her. They made a little card with a photo on and she got to choose the story they read together on the last day (huge privilege). By the end of the week she was excited instead of scared. I think doing nothing would be a bit mean!

OP my DS was in a class with a child since reception who left one term into year 5. He was a fairly popular child with a very unusual name.

I referred to him to a group of his former classmates at the beginning of year 6. Blank looks all round.. "Who?"

The children in your DCs class are not going to be traumatised or need "support about how they deal with endings and change"

@onefootinthegrave If workplaces had HIGH TURNOVERS like people leaving on average every week, I doubt they would. Attempting to compare schools where students come and go with a workplace is absurd.

Salem fair point. My DS has been out of primary school for 9 years now, and it's been a while since I've been at primary (35 years). From what others are saying it seems there are a lot more moves now compared to when me and even DS were at primary. I didn't realise so many kids came and went now.

I don't think we had any form of recognition when people left school mid-term back in the dark ages when I was at primary school. I think a card signed by classmates would be nice as a memento of the school, though.

I run Brownies. Girls come and go all the time. If I am told they are leaving, we say goodbye at our last meeting.

Once a mum pulled a girl out of Brownies because there was a clash with dancing or something. Fair enough, but she hadn't been for two weeks so we hadn't seen her.
Then about a month later I got an irate email from the mum asking where her leaving present one, she was "entitled" to one (actually used that word) Apparently she was entitled because when her brother left cubs, he got one. I was an awful person for not making sure she got it.

Give your kids some haribo to dish out and get over it.
At this age children come and go and it’s all very normal in primary school. Unless your children have an issue with emotional resilience you don’t need to worry. You certainly don’t need to worry about the rest of the class.

It does seem a little unusual, I work in a school and we would always do a little leaving thing in assembly for them, and give them a book or something as a leaving gift.

Oh my word. Seriously?