Forgotten birthday drama - what the hell

[Isshebeingserious]

NC because it’s outing (shared this with a few friends who are on here and I don’t want them knowing my username!)

A friend of mine has her birthday on the 11th November. For as long as we have been friends (circa 10 years), I have always forgotten the birthday. If I’m examining why, it is most likely because of the significance of the day itself re ww1, as I generally do remember other people’s birthdays.

Anyway, every year I get a bollocking from said friend about missing it, and every year I apologise. This year she has completely lost it with me, and doesn’t understand that with a 4 month old baby and my grandmother in law dying last week, I have even more stuff on my mind than usual. I feel like she doesn’t remind me before the day but waits to see if i forget so she can use it as a stick to beat me with. I apologised to her, she accepted and then 3 hours later I received a huge message saying I should set a reminder on my phone, she doesn’t accept my excuses etc etc. At this point I had been trying for 2.5 hours to get DS to sleep and was crying from exhaustion and told her to grow up and fuck off basically.

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable - am I? I feel bad about missing it but being repeatedly told off has made me see red.

Do you use outlook at all? I use my work outlook to remind me of whenever my period is due. Would work fine for birthdays too.

Im glad you apologised and it's sorted. If you were generally shit with birthdays she may not have been so bothered but when you are good with others and shit with one it does suggest giving less of a care for the one.

How do you remember medical appointments or hair appointments that are made weeks or even months in advance? Or are you one of those annoying people that just doesn't turn up?

Yabu about this because you haven't had a four month old baby and your grandma hasn't died every year for the last 10 years. They are rubbish excuses. If you remembered every year apart from this one then they are acceptable.

Nah, you hang onto them for a couple of years to check stuff.

Or if you are dodgy rapey Brett Kavenagh, you allegedly hang onto them for 30 years.

wouldn't occur to me to give a card / present for a friends birthday unless it was a "biggy"

told her to grow up and fuck off basically

Hahah good for you.

I cannot stand adults that get like this about birthdays. Fine if you're 6... fine if you're a teenager... Beyond that, get over it. We all have them, we're all getting older.

Set up a moonpig reminder via email

They are rubbish excuses. If you remembered every year apart from this one then they are acceptable.

She doesn't actually need an excuse. Not everyone gives cards. You shouldn't have to give cards to people just because they want one. Why do the desires of the person who wants cards trump the person who isn't fussed about it? If I had a friend who was like this about folded card I'd be backing off as chances are they're going to be anal and weird about other stupid shit.

Bottom line : birthdays are important to some /most people.

If u want to remember make sure you use a system that works for you.... I use an app called life reminders... An alert comes up on my screen so mbay days before so I post a card....

It's not difficult... And it means I don't have to try and remember amongst the dozen other things

I don't need birthday wishes. But your friend does, she always remembers your birthday, you remember everyone else's birthday, you won't record it and there is a very simple way of remembering her birthday anyway, your not wanting to associate with Remembrance Day is bullshit.

I honestly think you are deliberately deciding you don't want to remember, for some reason. You are spiteful.

This is seriously weird, anyone can remember birthdays if they actually wanted to, not from memory but from reminders in some way!

I've got some very dear friends and I would be mortified if I just forgot

I hope OP you find a way that works for you.

p.s. I don't think a friend of 10 years should have to remind you to remember

My closest friend doesn't even know when my birthday is! He's never asked, even though I always remember his. It would be nice to think he cared but then he shows that in other ways. I'm not that fussed.

I know you've got this sorted now OP but there was a really strange, almost "pride" on your part that you were forgetting and couldn't possibly use a diary or phone reminder. Odd.

I have a paper calendar and every year as I buy a new one I transfer all the birthdays to the back page of the calendar by month.

January
8th Jane
23rd John
Etc

Each month I check the back of the calendar and transfer it to the month on show.
Buy all the cards and presents ASAP. Write cards and date them in the corner.or if it's just a message to send I can see it on the calendar.
Everyone deserves to be acknowledged by their friends.

If I were her I'd feel like you didn't care much about me. Everyone has a calendar on their phone that can remind them of birthdays. I'd actually find it easier to remember her birthday as the day has other significance. I'd have made an effort to remember it after the first time of upsetting her by forgetting.

You sound like a shit friend. After 10years of her telling you it upsets you cant be bothered.

It's not about whether you'd give a damn or not though is it. It bothers her. How good a friend is she? It feels like you're doing it on purpose or you want to goad her into a reaction. It doesn't sound like a healthy friendship tbh; more like frenemies.

I would have dumped you as a friend years ago.

You just aren't interested in her are you?

I don't 'do' friends birthdays any more and they often don't remember mine- beyond Facebook which reminds you! It dropped off as a thing to do around our late 30's, around the time people also stopped sending Christmas cards. I am always happy to celebrate with a friend who wants a birthday meal out or I see their FB notification, but it isn't a big deal in our friendship group any more, and I have quite a lot of friends.

@headinhands she doesn't need to send a card, I'm sure a text saying happy birthday would have sufficed. My point still stands about the excuse only being acceptable if this is a one off.

OK you've admitted you're BU, so well done on that.

You have to acknowledge that friends have different priorities, and when they say 'this is really important to me, please don't forget', and then you go onto forget, multiple times, you're being A SHIT FRIEND. Every year. I'm not surprised she blew up.

You cba to do something that your friend would so appreciate.

I lump you in the same class as perpetually late people, because they think it doesn't matter

You’re really not a good friend, forgetting her birthday ten years in a row while she always remembers yours is just bloody rude. You have no excuse whatsoever.

*The fact her birthday is on the 11th November is even more reason to remember

But it’s a very sad day, i think that’s why I don’t make the link*

It’s actually CALLED Remembrance Day! 😂

My own family forget my birthday, so I don't really understand the big crybaby drama shit, ffs get a grip she's not ten years old.

She must be incredibly hurt that you don’t just forget it on occasion. Why should she remind you the day/week before. Get a calendar! The fact that you remember everyone else’s birthday is no wonder she doesn’t feel like accepting your excuses.....again.