Being left to eat alone in a pub because I'd annoyed him?

[StrugglingWife]

Out with the OH at a busy pub - ordered our drinks and food. I asked him a question (about tax of all things) and he gave an answer that didn't really give me the info I needed and I wanted to know to continue in the conversation we were in. I got my phone to look it up on google and he asked me to put my phone away saying that I "didn't need to know the answer now" - I continued to look - he got up and walked out - leaving me alone in the pub (we were staying over and he went back to the room) I felt humiliated when the waitress came out with both our meals and I had to send his back. I ate my dinner alone - went back to the room where he was acting like it was me who was totally out of order. Next morning he said he would do the same thing again if the situation arose - even knowing how hurt I felt. AIBU to think that he was being a disrespectful arsehole??

I think the normal thing if you're just having a chat and he couldn't answer the question would have been for him to suggest looking it up together. No drama, you get the answer you wanted, you both get to eat and enjoy the night. I'd be questioning if the relationship was worth the hassle to be honest if a simple question leads to this.

I would get out of the business and work away from him. He's riding on your cost tails and at the same time totally disrespectful. And why 50:50 when the business is you?

Has he added value to your business?

Remember that the money you have ( in savings I presume ) is also half his. It’s a marital asset.

Or would you trade it off against his share of the marital home?

@resistanceisnecessary - do you know, that's exactly the question I've been asking myself since it happened - and a lot of other incidents have come into my head which I've clearly just pushed aside or had them diminished by him at the time but when you put them together - I've been a bit of an idiot really.

@lizzie1970a I think you're right - he has very low self esteem and I think how he tries to deal with that is to put me down to make himself feel better. A lot of our friends make jokes about him 'drinking tea and going out on his bike while his wife is earning the cash' and that can't feel good I suppose but not something I can do much about. I suppose when we met he was the one who was in a bigger job than me, earned more than me etc etc and maybe can't quite get his head around the fact that i am not 'her' anymore. I have grown in confidence as my business has grown and I'm not prepared to give that up just because someone else struggles with it.

@hollowtalk - when we moved from sole trader status to limited company we just set up the share structure that way. If I'm honest, I don't think I ever gave it much thought because we are married and I think that business assets are split 50:50 anyway if the marriage ends so it kind of makes no odds whether that's formal or not (but then I might be totally wrong on this!)

@kristinaM - the money stuff is fine - we could put everything in the pot and both have enough to start again if that was the route I/we decided to go down.

Oh OP, you made a big mistake marrying him, and then another in letting him take over half your business.

I really strongly urge you to get legal advice about ending this partnership (business and marriage).

Glad to hear money is OK. Having enough cash and no dependent kids gives you more options. Should you choose to take them of course.

Can't believe people are saying he's abusive and controlling. OP was rude by checking her phone - nothing worse than trying to enjoy someones company and then all they do is sit on their phone. Makes it seem like they'd rather be with the rest of the (virtual) world than you. Which is fine, but don't waste my time.

He did the right thing, he asked you to not look and then you deliberately ignored him anyway. Why is it ok for you to do what you want but not for him? Maybe when you're on your phone, he feels like he might aswell be sat alone so he gave you a taste of your own medicine. Nothing wrong with that.

The bloke isn't controlling, he's having a bit of self-respect and walking away from his partner who clearly isn't fussed about spending time with him. I wouldn't of walked away from dinner, but then neither would I start Googling and ignoring him when he'd asked me not to.

I can't believe some people are such idiots, but there you go.

Yep I agree. You need advise on where you stand re the business.

And I wouod double check what he has been doing too. I’d be less than imporessed if he was trying to convince me of a solution for my pension that is detrimental to me for example (esp if he isn’t choosingnthat same solution for himself...)

I should add, that i've not read the whole thread...

Oh goodness, @WillowPeach... did you read any of the OPs posts?

She wasn't on her phone ignoring him. They were talking about business, she wasn't sure about a point about tax and wanted to look it up to clarify. Which is totally fine!

Willowpeach

Oh do rtft before spouting bollocks.

I should add, that i've not read the whole thread...

Well, that was obvious. This is why you should at the very least, read all the OP's posts before posting your own.

People aren't saying he's controlling and abusive just because of the phone thing. My opinion at the start of the thread, was that OP could have checked what she wanted to, later on. However, after reading the rest, it's quite obvious that her husband is a controlling man.

Can't believe people are saying he's abusive and controlling. OP was rude by checking her phone - nothing worse than trying to enjoy someones company and then all they do is sit on their phone. Makes it seem like they'd rather be with the rest of the (virtual) world than you. Which is fine, but don't waste my time.

It was a business dinner, with a business partner, discussing business matters and the OP was checking a business-related question on her phone. The business partner happens to be her husband.

But by all means don't bother RTFT and weigh in with your helpful contribution

when we moved from sole trader status to limited company we just set up the share structure that way. If I'm honest, I don't think I ever gave it much thought because we are married and I think that business assets are split 50:50 anyway if the marriage ends

The problem with involving a partner in a business is not so much in terms of splitting assets, but how much control they have over it.
At worst, and I'm not an expert by any means, I would be afraid he could bankrupt the business, steal funds or even prevent you from trading under the previous company. It could get messier than just splitting assets.

He's probably always been an inadequate, controlling prick but while he had what was in his eyes a 'better' job, he could tell himself that your business was just the little woman's little hobby, and you probably rubbed along well enough together because you had your business and were growing in confidence with it, and letting him have his own way about other stuff didn't seem like a big deal.
But now you're doing well, you're successful, and you've outgrown him, so he is ramping up attempts atcontrol. I don't think there is any chance that he can be made to see sense - a man who profoundly believes that women are inferior to men cannot be persuaded otherwise - and I think you need good legal advice, fast, to get him out of the business and probably out of the marriage, before he wrecks everything you have worked for (he's clearly not competent and no help to you.)

He sounds awful - and highly unlikely to improve.

He asked you to put your phone down, whilst out for dinner? Seems reasonable to me! Google stuff later, not at dinner!

Married a man like this. So I get how emotionally exhausted you probably are on a daily basis. Have a week away for you. See how relaxing it is, to not have a man child stomping around.

@Ski4130

Fgs, read the thread! The phone wasn't the point!!

Ski4120

RTFT!

Jesus its an epidemic on this thread that people dont read the thread or at least ops posts but just post about what they wanted to read?

IT WAS A BUSINESS TALK ABOUT THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

DH INSTIGATED IT.
OP WANTED TO CHECK A FACT HE WAS WRONG ON.
IT AFFECTS THEIR FUTURE
HE DIDNT LIKE IT.
HE STORMED OFF LIKE A 2YR OLD.

Further ops posts show
DH wants OP to jump whenever he wants something, as in stop what you are doing and do what I say NOW.

Dh doesnt like to be proved wrong by 'the little woman'

DH is a controling inadequate jealous little git (OP is the brains behind the business, she started it, has grown it and does all the milage, client facing roles.)

He decided to leave his employement and join her doing the finance and land himself 50% of the business .

He has admitted he wouldnt speak to colleagues in his previous employed role the way he speaks to OP -but its ok cos she is his wife and basically inferior to them

He has stated that if she doesnt do as she is told he will punish her again.

What a peach.

Oh my goodness

So you were chastised and then punished for doing something he didn't want you to do?

Are you his 5 year old child?