to worry my son will be thick?

[ThisIsClara]

DS is 4 weeks old.

I'm not intelligent at all. I struggle with basic science and maths. Don't have great people skills. Am pretty rubbish at most things. Have no hobbies, no qualifications and work in a reception (not even very good at that). Struggled with the difference between your and you're for a long time and was slated for it once on mn so spent hours learning the difference.

DH is extremely clever. He gets frustrated with me sometimes as I can't keep up with even his basic conversation sometimes. He's really clever. He has a masters degree and is applying for a PhD.

I was bullied at school for being thick and would probably struggle financially if I hadn't have met DH.

I know I'm being ridiculous as our son is so young, but I need reassurance that he could still turn out like his dad and not me.

Is it possible that he could be smart like his dad even though I spend far more time with him?

Really don't want to be told 'it doesn't matter how he turns out' etc I just need to know that it's possible that he can be smart even with a thicko mother :(

Relax! I was told by the HV that my son would be fat and thick as I formula fed him due to hypoplastic breasts. He’s 7 with a reading age of 11, skinny and exceeding expectations in maths, just like my H

Oh and I have dsycalculia

You are not stupid.
You may be lacking in an education for whatever reason (which won’t be your fault) but that doesn’t equate to intelligence.
You may well be significantly more emotionally intelligent that your DH and your DS will be fortunate if he inherits that.

Don’t put yourself down. Work on the things that make you feel uncomfortable eg enroll on an adult maths or English course.

But know you are every bit as valued and important as anyone else.

I don't think you need to worry, encourage him to work hard at school and he'll be just fine. I don't have any natural ability for education. I had to work really hard but I did it! It sounds like you really want him to do well and with you and DH behind him he'll have all the support he could need.

What was your upbringing like OP?
Did you have parents that valued education? Were your teachers encouraging and helpful? Those things can be more important than natural ability.
Even if your child isn’t naturally very academic with the right encouragement from home and by surrounding him with fun but educational things from an early age he will be fine

Do you have anyone you can talk your worries through with in person? They're very negative thoughts to have about yourself.

To answer the question,: he could be bright, could struggle. Could have special needs, could be nasty, could be a perfect citizen. You can't know at this stage and worrying about it will do you no favours.

I don't even think I'm that emotionally smart. I have really low self esteem and just worry he will turn out like me. I would hate him to experience even a bit of the stress an anxiety I have because of my low self esteem and not being intelligent. It stops me from spending time with people and I about my DHs friends because they're all so smart. I don't want him to be embarrassed by me and I just don't want my DS to feel like this.

Please don't think of yourself or anybody else as thick.
If you have learning difficulties or find some subjects difficult, it doesn't make you thick.
Me and my dh are similar although he's not extremely clever, just very good at grammar.
i welcome him pulling me up on things i get wrong, he's done it for the past 30 years. I was practically illiterate before.
With the confidence he gave me I went to uni in my 30's and finally gained an education.

You are not thick, you either haven't found out what you excel at yet, or haven't been given/ taken the opportunities.
Everybody is good at something, just make sure you encourage your dc to try their best and allow them to pursue interests.

Honestly don’t worry. He’s only tiny and I’m sure that you and his Dad will expose him to all the wonders of the world and he’ll learn and grow.

Read read read is my advice. Surround him with books and read daily. Let him see you read. Everything else he’ll come to in his own way and even if he’s not PHD level, instill a love of learning in him and a good work ethic and he’ll be fine. Show him he’s loved and supported and the worlds his oyster.

I understand your fears but 2 genius parents can have a child with a low IQ. Vice versa two low IQ parents can have a genius child. Just love him. He’ll be great.

Firstly, you sound pretty articulate to me - I wouldn't say you sound "thick" at all OP. You sound like you have low self-esteem :-(
Your DH wouldn't be with you if he thought you were too thick for him, and plenty of intelligent people don't have good qualifications due to circumstances, lack of support at school etc.
It's too early to know whether DS will take after you or DH but I promise he'll be fine either way. Can you focus on building your own confidence in this area, partly just so you feel better, and partly so you feel more confident supporting DS with his education in the future?
You don't need to feel inferior to your DH or anyone else because you aren't. I have a PhD but I'm not actually that good at lots of things (maths, music, and sport spring instantly to mind).
Your DS will have his own strengths and weaknesses, as do both of his parents. Try to relax and enjoy his sweetness.

Honestly, anything could happen and you should never underestimate the effects of his environment and the support he gets.

If you're that bothered, then encourage him whenever you can. Help him learn to learn. Help him find his interests. Enrol him in the best school you can when the time comes.

But really, kids are going to do what they're going to do, and be who they're going to be. I have 3 brothers and all 4 of us are different. Two have MAs (one of whom is unemployed, the other self-employed), one classical musician, one failed teacher now IT specialist. Personality traits like determination, learning from mistakes and empathy are, I think, more important than some IQ number.

@Hoppinggreen I grew up in poverty and spent most of my life in a tower block in London. I didn't even go to school a lot of the time and regret that deeply.

My parents didn't value education. My mum valued alcohol and my dad valued his new family which did not include me.

@RavenWings I have friends but I don't think they would get it. I don't even know that I want or am ready to talk about it in RL because I think a lot of my past would come up.

You don't sound that thick to me tbh. Your spelling and grammar is 100% better than most of the stuff I read. I'm sure your DS will be fine. Even if he isn't academically clever, there will be something he will be good at . And stop bashing yourself please.

Op, I don't know everything, but I do know this; You are NOT thick. Just the way you write proves that. Perhaps you're no Einstein, but welcome to the club! Most of us aren't either. Your only problem is your self-esteem. I implore you to get into counseling. You really need it.

It’s hard to take things in when you’re unhappy, so just concentrate on your son being happy for now. Kids learn a lot in the first year- lots of connections are made in their brains.
Talk to him; make lots of eye contact; smile, sing etc.

Just love him!

You must be very pretty. He could end up with your looks and his brains

You sound much more articulate than you are giving yourself credit for. Don't put yourself down. Read to your boy, expose him to lots of learning opportunities and above all, relax and enjoy him

Theres hope! My kids are bright and gave me as their mother! Thick as shite, clever fecker husband :)

Get some therapy for your self esteem love, it’s a killer. Do it for your kiddies as well as yourself xxx

@BatCritter I must be very pretty? Why?

There is nature and nurture.

Nature: Your DS will have a mixture of skills from both you and your DH, plus there is something called 'regression to the mean', so it is likely your DS will be cleverer than you but less clever than your DH.

Nurture: You just need to make sure that your DS gets a variety of stimulation pre-school and growing up. So reading to him, obviously, but number based things, playing with physical objects, taking him out and about to experience things. Socialising at playgroup (even if you find it hard) etc. Once he is at school, maybe find stuff on 'how they do it these days' and keep your skills at least as good as his.

Value and encourage learning and you will help him be the best he can.

Your posts certainly don't read like they were written by someone who's "thick". It's much more probable that you were failed by your school (and possibly have some sort of undiagnosed special needs such as dyscalculia).

Does your husband really get exasperated (which would be shit of him) or is that your insecurities projecting on to his behaviour? (I ask because it might be worth exploring whether he's undermining you, or whether you need help to build up your self esteem).

Either way, when it comes to your DS what matters is talking to him lots, reading to him, playing with him, and (when he gets to school age) stressing that the main thing is how hard you try, not "natural I telling everyone"

There is no way of knowing how your baby will turn out when he is so young. Statistically on average he will probably be somewhere between the two of you but these kind of predictions say nothing about an individual. In other words your son could be a genius or really struggle at school or anything inbetween. Easy to say, but there is no point in worrying. Concentrate on making your son’s life as interesting and rich as you can and you will help him make good use of the ability that he has. Presumably your partner must see many good qualities in you if he chose you to be the mother of his child. Maybe you are being rather hard on yourself!

It sounds more like you need to work on your self esteem and feelings of inadequacy (and they are feelings, not actual inadequacies) in order to do the best for your son, and to focus on what you're good at and what's good about you. Your post suggests someone more articulate than a lot of people one sees online!

It would be very sad for your son to grow up with a mum who he overhears saying that she is stupid and no good at stuff.

FWIW, DH and I are both very academic and I sort of hoped that would make up for our son being August-born as we'd both done well along with our siblings (including DH's August-born brother), but he
does struggle at school, especially with maths. He's 7 and still hardly gets the basics. But the thing is we are recognising what he's good at and that he is bright in other ways even if he can't do some things. Think how different it might be if one of us was eaten up with worry that 'Oh no, he's no good at school just like me, I bet he'll always be'.

Your son may be bright, he may not be, I doubt you are a as stupid as you fear if your intelligent DH chose you, but what I'm getting at is, it's not what capacities he has, it's how you support him and his confidence that matter. If you can't guarantee he is as smart as you feel DH is, you have it in your power to make him more confident than you, at that means a lot. So good luck, and enjoy this time with your little one.

Can you ask your midwife to put you in touch with your local children's centre?
They often offer support and classes on things that might help with your confidence.

They do fun stuff too, like baby massage so you can spend positive time with baby and feel better about yourself.

You sound lovely and your low self esteem and self worth are not likely a true reflection of how others see you at all.

Sounds like your son may have lots of the opportunities you missed out on.