to worry my son will be thick?

[ThisIsClara]

DS is 4 weeks old.

I'm not intelligent at all. I struggle with basic science and maths. Don't have great people skills. Am pretty rubbish at most things. Have no hobbies, no qualifications and work in a reception (not even very good at that). Struggled with the difference between your and you're for a long time and was slated for it once on mn so spent hours learning the difference.

DH is extremely clever. He gets frustrated with me sometimes as I can't keep up with even his basic conversation sometimes. He's really clever. He has a masters degree and is applying for a PhD.

I was bullied at school for being thick and would probably struggle financially if I hadn't have met DH.

I know I'm being ridiculous as our son is so young, but I need reassurance that he could still turn out like his dad and not me.

Is it possible that he could be smart like his dad even though I spend far more time with him?

You've stated yourself about your upbringing being borderline neglectful, that you were never encouraged to succeed, or built up. Take that fact and channel them into your son. Confidence comes from a state of mind and yes if it's not instilled into a child that they're smart or beautiful then they're unlikely to believe it (as in your case by the sounds)

So encourage him in his studies when he's older, do his homework with him, support him and encourage him and set him achievable goals and targets and praise him when he gets these. He'll be fine, OP. And you'll be great x

Ah, OP, you are a thinker. A very deep thinker, who expresses difficult emotions and feelings accessibly. I think you will be splendid.
Fridaydreamer puts it perfectly.

Whether you think you're intelligent or not is one thing but you've already demonstrated a skill that anybody who isn't a born genius needs by teaching yourself the difference between your and you're. That hints at so much - self reflection, determination, intelligence, grammatical understanding, ambition, the list could go on. I wonder whether you're smarter than you think but maybe had bad schooling, limited vocabulary (can be caused by not being able to read books at the right level for your age due to dyslexia for example), low self esteem etc.

What are you good at? If you can't answer that, what would you like to v good at?

Your son's smarts won't be inherited from either you or your husband. He'll benefit from being asked lots of questions, having his questions answered and seeing both of his parents have a love of learning and valuing his education. Take him on day trips, read him books and let him see you both reading. Supper him to develop his interests. He'll be grand.

Sorry, ThisIsClara what I said was inappropriate, forget it

Hi OP you don't sound thick at all!

You can read up on how to improve your baby's chances but I think if you read a lot and enourage him to ask questions when he is older and he is loved and gets plenty of different experiences then he will be fine

I work in a finance related industry. You do have to have a certain level of intelligence, but the people that seem to go furthest are the ones who are more all rounders. People who can see the bigger picture and can lead and motivate people and do deals etc. The cleverest people are often those who are perfectionists and get bogged down in detail. Not all the time but it's definitely true that lots of different skills are needed to get ahead and the most successful (in terms of earnings ) are not often purely the most intelligent

It sounds like you lack confidence in yourself. I think that is one the most important thing to instil in your child. Interest in them, their education and happiness. Support with reading and writing etc.

Make sure your child gets the opportunities you missed out on?

Could you do some online courses to improve your self esteem?

So you're not "clever" so what? From reading your posts it seems you have so many other valuable qualities. You're actually bothered about this, which shows you're doing so well at being his mum already. Are you kind, funny, reliable and trustworthy? Those are the qualities I value in people. Not whether they know the difference between your and you're.
Please don't be so hard on yourself

Your posts don’t sound ‘thick’ at all. I think you are underestimating yourself.

Reading your post would suggest you may have some dyslexic traits.

The low self esteem difficulty with grammar, some form of short term memory issue (which would explain why you find it difficult following DH)

You write in a very articulate way, and you are using quite a lot of long and complex words perfectly correctly. My SIL (who really is thick) could never manage to express herself so well. You've been let down by your family and by the education system, not by your own natural abilities. Keep reading with your baby, singing, playing - your son will thrive on the attention.

BTW the same SIL has produced a daughter who despite SIL's epic failures at parenting has just passed her Master's degree and is now embarking on a doctorate.

My dad wasn’t particularly ‘book smart’ but he read to my brother and I every night and taught me my times tables. Neither of my parents made it through higher education (dad left at 15 mum at 17) but I passed a levels and made it to university.
There will be plenty you can pass on to your DS during his pre-school years. Read to him. Kids books use simple language and he won’t even know if you make a mistake anyway. As he gets older help him count (toys, etc), recognise letters and colours, write his own name. School will take care of the rest. What’s more, you can give him something no-one else can; his mother’s love and support. Not to mention your resilience and strength of character you must have to have dealt with your difficulties at school.

You sound articulate so I'm sure you aren't as 'thick' as you think

Some people are academically clever, others have more common sense and others have a brilliant imagination or some other talent. Very few people have no redeeming features at all so my guess is that your low self esteem is stopping you from acknowledging where your strengths lie.

It is impossible to tell if your DS will be clever at 4 weeks so it's really not worth worrying about

My DS is very bright but also very lazy and lacks motivation!

The kids who do best at school come from emotionally stable homes with lots of books and parents who value education and give their kids lots of experiences. You don't need to be intelligent to be a good teacher (there's some really interesting studies on animals that teach and it's not linked to intelligence, some of the smartest species aren't teachers. It's more to do with social skills, but trust me as a human you have the necessary social skills).

Love your son and read to him everyday and sing nursery rhymes with him and let him have lots of messy play and play with him. You can do all that can't you? As he gets older there's links between lots of imaginative play and a bit later playing boardgames with school performance. It's all pretty simple stuff really. He might not be Einstein but who cares, if he's hardworking and prepared to stick at things he'll do well in life.

You sound really down on yourself, and you should try and do something to improve that for yourself and your son. I don't know if you need councilling or just the courage to try a few different things and see what you enjoy. A hobby that you can improve at will give you the confidence to try other new things.

There is research by someone called Feinstein that shows that by the age of 5, "thick" kids from well off parents start to overtake "clever" kids from parents in lower social groups. (ie kids who scored high on early life assessments would be "clever" and those scoring low, "thick" - though I don't think those are the best descriptions!)

The benefits given to children by more well off parents tend to include reading every day, lots of one to one attention, constant conversation leaving gaps for the child to respond and share their views, and exposure to things in the world (doesn't have to be skiing holidays, can be describing what happens as you go round the supermarket).

If you look up what children need in order to flourish, you can play a massive part in increasing your child's attainment; starting from when they are very little. And you don't need to be a genius yourself to do it.

Your OP doesn't read as if it's written by someone who is 'thick', whatever that means.

You sound like you have very low self esteem.

Read with your baby when he's a bit older. If you don't already, start reading some decent literature yourself. It'll help you broaden your vocabulary as well as entertaining and informing you.

There's a great deal more to intelligence than knowing the difference between your and you're, the person who slated you on here might know the difference but that doesn't make them intelligent and certainly doesn't make them nice.

I was raised by a mother who left school at 14 and can barely read. I have a PhD. My mother was always very encouraging and supportive even though she had no idea what I was studying and couldn’t help me with it. I’m incredibly grateful to her because she made sure that I valued education and worked her fingers to the bone in order to give me every opportunity to study. She took me to libraries and museums even though they weren’t her thing at all. OP your beliefs and actions will impact your DS far more than genetics will.

You're not stupid. You have gaps in your education because you missed a lot of school.

Read to your son. Start now with a book after bathtime and before bedtime, and one at lunchtime before his afternoon nap. I mean the cardboard books that have a word or two on each page. Point out the colours, describe the sound the hen makes, that kind of thing. Wont take more than five minutes. Later on he can help turn the pages. Your local library will have baby sessions which he's too young for yet, but go when he's a little older and get a book every week. It's reading with a parent that makes the difference.

You are more articulate that many people I see posting on Facebook!
The fact you are thinking about this makes your DC a lucky one, because you can do things right from the start to help him on his way.
It is no coincidence that the children who are below expected levels of development when they leave nursery for school are the same children who had weaker vocabularies when they started.
To support language and vocabulary development all you really have to do is enjoy your child! Sing, read stories, just talk!
I don't think you need to worry but if you are the kind of person that just will- get yourself some books about child development, brain development is especially interesting. Also they EYFS which is followed by settings from birth to five has a supporting document called "development matters" which gives suggestions for what practitioners can do, no reason you couldn't use that guidance yourself! A link comes up if you Google the title.
Then you can stop worrying and be confident you are doing your best to know how you can give your DC the best start x

@BatCritter posts like yours are exactly the types of comments that make me feel bad. 'You must be pretty if someone that clever wanted to marry you' - now isn't the time for inappropriate posts as I'm really at rock bottom :(

I feel like you’re worrying about this because you know how it feels to struggle so it’s your fear for your son. You’re forgetting all the wonderful things about people and more specifically YOU. None of us want anything bad for our children so I can completely see why you’re panicking but just know that if he struggles at all you’ll help him and you’re there for him. What more could a person want or need. Don’t be so hard on yourself x

you seem well spoken and I think going by your post, you are far from "thick"! Believe in yourself and your positive feelings will rub off on your child. Don't talk yourself down, you are better than that!

DM was constantly told she was thick when she was at school but her lack of education was more to do with an alcoholic mother and constantly changing schools. She lacked self esteem but when she met my dad she found a love of reading she never thought possible and always made sure education for us was valued. If you told her 2 of her children would go on to university and she would qualify in a profession in her 40s she would never have believed you.

It's in our nature to want better for our children - you are well on your way to achieving that by simply caring.

Oh OP you are NOT thick, please stop doing this to yourself!

So you missed the opportunities many have to learn when you were younger, don't worry about it, it doesn't need to be a problem.

There are lots of opportunities out there to develop skills you are lacking and further develop those you have and are good at.

Please look in to may be learning what you missed out on when you were younger, you will find support and many others probably in the situation as you. You will get more self confidence and if your baby does struggle like you later in life, you can draw on your own new found confidence and skills to help them find their way to.

All the best OP xxxxx

You don't sound thick at all to me, but a lovely mum.

Learn from the mistakes your parents made, encourage him to learn, engage with his schooling and the rest will take care of itself.

You sound very down on yourself, could you talk to someone in real life? I second the pp suggesting taking some adult classes, it might help with your confidence.

OP, just because you didn't have the best education or parenting growing up does not mean that you can't be a better parent yourself.

You say you have worked on your grammar, well you can continue to learn, there are so many free courses online to do at your own pace.

Surround your baby with books, play with him, sing songs and nursery rhymes, do counting games, colour and shape recognition.

Work on your self esteem and social skills for you both by attending a toddler group if you can, and meet other mums and babies.

You're smarter than any five year old, so until he starts school, you can prepare him and make learning interesting and fun. He can have the best start if you encourage and nurture him from this young age.

Don't put yourself down. The fact you are so concerned means you are a good enough mum already .