to worry my son will be thick?

[ThisIsClara]

DS is 4 weeks old.

I'm not intelligent at all. I struggle with basic science and maths. Don't have great people skills. Am pretty rubbish at most things. Have no hobbies, no qualifications and work in a reception (not even very good at that). Struggled with the difference between your and you're for a long time and was slated for it once on mn so spent hours learning the difference.

DH is extremely clever. He gets frustrated with me sometimes as I can't keep up with even his basic conversation sometimes. He's really clever. He has a masters degree and is applying for a PhD.

I was bullied at school for being thick and would probably struggle financially if I hadn't have met DH.

I know I'm being ridiculous as our son is so young, but I need reassurance that he could still turn out like his dad and not me.

Is it possible that he could be smart like his dad even though I spend far more time with him?

I doubt all my grandparents were bright. My mother isn't intelligent. I'm really clever and so are all my children

Being clever is about three things - genetics, access to learning aids and support, inclination to learn.

You don't need all three .

@Dahlietta oh. I take back my comment then. Maybe if I was a bit more intelligent I would've worked it out... (a joke!). Oh I don't know. Not sure why I suddenly worry about this but thank you everyone. The responses on here have really helped me feel much better.

Oh you are SO not thick!
You missed some very-typical grammatical errors in your OP that many, many others make!
Circumstances let you down.
Do your best, play with him, talk to him, leave out the screens as much as you can - you can't beat an interested human face for stimulation!
When he starts school, see if you can learn with him - look at his homework, if you can, get him to explain things to you - this will make him understand better. Learn times tables together (I had to remind myself a lot for these!), get yourself some textbooks or do some adult courses?
Above all, stop lying to yourself and others that you are thick! Please!

OP my mum always felt like you do (worried she was thick, worried she didn't fit in with my dad's university educated friends). I obviously know both of them and think they're just as clever as each other - she just didn't have the same education and opportunities that he did and I can see that because of this she lacked confidence, which was totally understandable.

Your DH wouldn't be with you if you were thick. If you were thick you wouldn't be on MN asking us this question and articulating your concerns so well. If you were thick you wouldn't have spent ages learning the difference between your and you're. (Not that it matters if you get things like that wrong anyway - grammar pedants just can't help calling it out)

And also, in my opinion, nobody is thick anyway.

and want my lovely DS to live a life full of love and opportunity.

And you are more than capable of giving him that.

OP, get checked out for PND, and look at some counselling for your self-esteem and work on some ways to build yourself up. It'll do you and your dc the world of good.

Having dc often brings to the fore our own childhood experiences, and it sounds like you had a lot to cope with growing up.

You sounds amazingly sorted for someone with those experiences, but a bit of unpicking it all and getting some support with your past and your low self-image would really help.

I have sometimes felt like this. My OH has a PhD and went to Oxford, there are a lot of high achieving STEM brains in his family, where as I always coasted along getting Cs and was the first one in my family not to leave school at 16 or earlier. I have to remind myself of where I am compared to the average person, as it skews your thinking being surrounded by all of that!

I also thought of myself as bad at maths for many years. I actually improved my skills online, and it really improved my confidence and I actually ended up quite enjoying it, I would recommend it.

I can tell from your first post alone that you're nowhere near 'thick'! To me an actual thicko couldn't articulate what you have. Im sure your son will get on just fine 👍

Also OP, don't forget that intelligence isn't fixed. You can become more intelligent, it's not something you're born with or not. I don't believe people are 'thick' or not, it's about the opportunities you were given as a child. I'm sorry you weren't given more.

Whatever your son's starting natural ability is, you're already an excellent mother by thinking about how to grow and develop him. READ for half an hour with him a day, sing rhymes etc you'll be giving him a great head start in life.

Wish you all the best.

evan people with degrees etc can be daft about some basic stuff,you might have a big heart and not be great at some things,it does not matter. i know a man with lots of high qualifications but basic everyday stuff he is hopeless at .just try your best xx

Just echoing everyone else. You don’t sound thick, you sound caring and intelligent. Also there’s so much around that’s free on the internet if you fancy doing some informal learning for yourself - futurelearn and couserea are both really good and ted talks too.
My mother is very intelligent, but never really bothered about formal education or much of a career, but she is extremely well read.

Learn to swim. Can your DH look after the baby while you go to classes? Great exercise, you'll be able to help your baby learn when he's a toddler, and it'll be good for your confidence. Then choose another weekly class and do that. Then another.

Supplement the classes with tutorials from YouTube.

YABU. You sound lovely. Give yourself a break xx

Have you thought about going to adult education classes? I teach adults and the environment is so supportive and friendly. YOu can access free English and maths courses.

Your posts are well written so I really don’t think you are not intelligent. Give yourself a break and enjoy your baby.

OP I teach lecture in child psychology/child development. The very best start in life is a secure attachment. Unconditional affirmation, cuddles, lots of praise. And from your OP, you are absolutely not stupid.

Your posts are very well written and articulate. That's not a thick person. Your problem is confidence. I think you need to speak to your gp about being referred for some counselling to address it. Although there is some genetic element, environmental factors play a FAR higher role in intelligence. If you want him to value education and both you and your partner encourage it, he will be just fine. Please try not to panic. My dad is thick as pig shit (and also a prick, which is why I say that!) and both my sister and I are successful.

Relax!

Even if he is thick, if he has a nice personality and a good character he will breeze through life effortlessly.

Don't worry about anything.

I really mean that.

Some of the cleverest people I know have no common sense whatsoever.
One of my friends thought that they'd like some sausages, but the cooker wasn't working so he'd microwave them.
He put them in for 25 minutes on highest power.

The results weren't pleasant.

It's not always good to focus on IQ points. No point in being clever and having all that knowledge stored, if you are unable to apply it in a sensible way.
What is important is that you love your son, and encourage him to learn and ask questions, teach him how to work stuff out and do stuff.
Encourage him to play with toys (when he's older)that will build manual dexterity and build problem solving skills.
Read to him- constantly.
Talk to him and teach him how to have a conversation, how to treat people well. A kind child who helps his friends is more important than one who always shows off how smart he is.
Talk to your health visitor, ask about any book schemes for babies in your area. Try and find out if your library has a baby and toddler story time and go along.

@LewisMam your mum is a hell of a woman, and the way you speak of her is lovely.

@ThisIsClara your DH probably gets frustrated with everybody. I once chatted with a truly gifted chap who said one of his biggest hurdles to overcome was learning how to stop racing ahead to the next idea in conversation, and to stop being a bit superior/condescending/grumpy. I admired the way he recognised that it was his flaw, relatively speaking, not everyone else's.

You sound like a very nice person with a LOT of unrealised potential and a natural ability for introspection. And you sound like an excellent mum, congrats on your baby

Don't worry about it. My adult DS is a highly skilled mathematician and it took me three goes to pass my O level!

Lack of education does not mean you are thick.

Your husband loves you and so does your son be proud of that.

I work with some seemingly 'clever' people they may be able to use big words but don't have any bloody common sense 🤣

Give yourself some time to enjoy your baby days then perhaps you could take up some adult education classes?

I can't believe I've found a thread that completely relates to me! I'm thick as shit but my DH is intelligent! I also worry about the same thing for my DS!

Their brains are rapidly developing for the 1st 2yrs, this sets them up for life, so lots of love, skin to skin, talking, smiling, engaging positively with them, going to mother and baby groups, activities, books, learning toys, interacting with the world nature etc etc, avoiding screen time etc will get thousands of extra brain connections joining. The more you interact the better his IQ and emotional development will be.

When you are feeling up to it, getting support for yourself will be worth it so you can model confident and positive behaviour to him, that will give him the confidence to reach out for opportunities.

Do consider PND if you continue to worry this much.

You don't come across as thick at all, OP. Your posts are really articulate, well written and insightful. Not having the opportunity to have a formal education is absolutely not the same as being stupid. Had you had that, and other practical/financial opportunities in life I'm sure you would have been just as educated as your partner - at least! Think about someone that can't drive, due to the fact that they haven't had any lessons. Are they a thicko because they don't know how to drive a vehicle? No of course not, they simply haven't been given the opportunity to learn. Same with playing the piano, wiring a plug or knowing the rules of chess. You don't know if know one tells you and you haven't had the chance to learn. It's not the same as being stupid at all!

I'm sure you must have your hands full with your tiny bub right now. But a few months or years down the line, if you want to learn a bit more about subjects that interest you, you can do (not for anyone else, just for your own sense of achievement). You could go on evening courses, doing something you like, or just become someone that loves to read and be a well read, well informed person. There are so many learning resources available these days, especially with the internet x

You may not be as academically able as someone else but that doesn't make you thick!! Education in this country is linear and there's only one way you are taught... To pass a test.

If we judged a fish by how good it is at climbing a tree, we'll never know how good it is at swimming.